One Tail at a Time

Her bravery

My belly is aching really badly and my back feels as if its on fire, so for a while, I place the books back down to rest both my body and my eyes as I quietly dwell on what I have just read.   For now, the baby is settled, it is only my body that is hurting, so I slowly breath through it as Yunru taught me to do.  I do not think I have reached a point in my pregnancy to call her or to put Mo Yuan on notice, but I am prepared to send a signal if these pains worsen.  The signal is a small spell that requires no effort but it is strong enough for Mo Yuan to feel, only I don't yet.  Not when he has barely had enough time to take a nap which is where he is now.

So my thoughts take me back to that day when I had been left for dead on my birthday.  I guess I am lucky because I don't have the memories of what happened after, though Mo Yuan has filled in a lot of the blanks and one of those is the near killing of those girls.  I can barely believe that he had been angry enough to take their lives. It just seems so incredible, that for a while I merely shake my head in disbelief.

Back then, my memories of him were of a benevolent and kindly man, one with an endless amount of patience and gentle disposition which could darken if threatened, but never to the extent of actually aiming to kill three low immortals.  All I can surmise, is that a moment of insanity must have taken over which only raises a question that has been sitting at the edges of my mind for some time.

I get that he thinks his mother and perhaps Heaven as well, had gifted me to his mountain and in his mind it was as his first female student that is mother would have loved.  But this kind of lapse in judgement, makes no sense.  It is as if he really did see me as his, a Heaven sent gift that no one had to the right to harm bar himself.  I know this sounds rather flighty, but that is what I am understanding which only makes me wonder when his feelings as a protective Shifu moved to that of lover.  I know with absolute certainty that it was not at that moment, but when?

I get no answers, because I guess I still have a long way to go, in fact, I am barely into the first quarter of the box, there are literally thousands of more years to read until we get to that stage, so I once again force the question to the back of my mind before picking up the book again to at least finish what came next.  I really do want to know because I doubt he would have gotten away with what he did without their fathers causing serious trouble.  So continuing to ignore my own discomfort, I lose myself to his.

Xiaobai is near death.  Those girls beat her so thoroughly and in such a short space of time, that I can barely believe just how much damage they have caused.  And not just to her family, but also to us here on Kunlun Mountain.  She is barely breathing, her body is swelling and there is blood pouring from her mouth, ears and nose, the beating was that vicious.

I just cannot comprehend the amount of hate they have allowed their hearts to accumulate and though I do understand their deep dislike for the foxes, I cannot tolerate their hate for Xiaobai when she is completely innocent.  It seems that no matter how much effort her father puts into righting the wrongs, girls like them will never be satisfied, they will never find peace in their lives and they will never allow my little Xiaobai any peace either.  

And so with that thought in mind, I quietly begin to formulate a plan to bring those girls to heel and the entire sorry mess to an end.  And I do dwell heavily on the matter while assisting Zhe Yan with her healing.  It is going to be a long road ahead for her, but on my mountain, she will never know hate, only love and it is our combined love and efforts that will see her overcome this.   

Skipping ahead, I realize it is sometime before he makes another entry though he does mention the enormous amount of energy Zhe Yan used to keep my heart beating.   Apparently I had used my fox magic to still my heartbeat, but I don't remember doing that, though Mo Yuan thinks it was an automatic reaction to the severity of injuries, something my body automatically did to protect itself which is correct.  We foxes absolutely will still our heartbeats to protect our bodies and to protect our hearts when severely injured, it was what Bai Zhen had done to protect himself.