One Tail at a Time

Those Eyes

Inch by the inch, the headress gave way.  Mo Yuan is obviously in no hurry to remove it, but then nor am I rushing him.  This moment right here, is just as precious as the marriage ritual because I know he will be committing everything to memory, so I smile as the beads begin to rise and the weight on my head lightens.  Actually I didn't realize just how heavy it is until I can no longer feel it, but I say nothing as the beads of my veil lightly brush against my cheeks until eventually he comes into view.  I thought he was sitting beside me the entire time, only he is on his feet directly in front of me and smiling so softly that my own breath catches at the sight of him.

He too is wearing a bridal cap which is tassled along the sides and with his beautiful rich robe of vermilion and gold also coming into view, I think I just fell in love with him all over again.  This is a colour I doubt I will ever see him in again, so like him, I am taking a permanent memory of his warm smile and flushed cheeks and soft eyes which are filled with wonder as he takes a long lasting look at me before gently placing the headdress on the side table.

It is a Qing Qiu family heirloom and will be given to Feng Jiu to wear when she marries, but for now, it is a part of our special occassion.  But that isn't on either of our minds now as I gently take hold of his hands to bring myself to my feet.  There is something I want to say to him before we do anything else and it cannot wait.  So forcefully turning him, I then gently push him back so he is now sitting on the bed and as I lower myself to my knees in front of him, every word I want to say, comes spilling out of my mouth before I lose the courage.

"Two weeks ago, you shared with me a secret you have been carrying for centuries." I begin while he continues to smile most softly at me and just letting me speak.  "You said you made a wish for something worth living for and the very next day, I arrived on your mountain kicking and screaming." I say with tears in my eyes.

"I don't recall much of the details, because I was so afraid and being in a place I didn't know, among strangers, my mind at that time was in a state of turmoil.   But what I do remember and what I have held onto all this time, are the eyes that met mine just moments before I fell into a deep sleep." I tell him as I gently take hold of both hands while holding the gaze that is almost as identical as it was back then.

"Back then, you gave me a lesson on my tails and what they conveyed depending on how I was feeling, but what you don't realize, is that your eyes are just as expressive Mo Yuan.   I have found all manner of comfort for every drama I have ever experienced by just a look.  Your eyes were the light in my most darkest of times, and they were always there smiling when I needed you the most.  And even now, they are moist with emotion because the love you have for me, might not be said in words, but I feel it everytime I look at you, by the way you look at me."

Now rising up so that there is barely any gap between us, I can see those eyes of his are beginning to tear.  So far he hasn't even tried to interrupt, but what I am noticing the longer I take to spill my heart out to him, is there is a new look in his eyes.  It is an agony I can actually feel and I think I understand it.  

All of  my life under him, he has maintained a certain level of distance between everyone else and his heart.  Only for me, has he allowed his heart to show through, or at least a part of it that no other was privileged enough to see.  Yet looking into those eyes now, everything is there on display.  There are no secrets, no dark hidden places and nowhere in the very depths is there a single place that I am forbidden.  He is giving me everything in that look, and I am not only crying, but this is the kind of look I am trying so hard to convey, yet I find myself becoming lost for words.

"Mo Yuan, you said that my arrival was a wish come true, and so for every second I was here, you dedicated your life to my every whim, my ever desire without a single demand from me.  This day is my promise to you, that from here on in, not only are we now a team, but I will dedicate my every second to your comfort and desire."