One Tail at a Time

Our Eternal Love

She reeks of alcohol, is stumbling about in my arms and had any man been within arms reach, she would have been in no condition to protect herself, so the level of anger I reach, is raging by the time I unceremoniously dump her down on the cushions.  And not only is she dressed as a male, but it is obvious she has been out with other men in this state, which only increases my anger, though I can see by my unexpected visit, that she is sobering up quickly because her mouth is now running.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she asks as if I have no right to be in this house that I deem just as much mine as it is hers.

"That is no way to greet me High Goddess Bai Qian!" I reply acidly and so enraged that she would dare to question me in this manner that I immediately put distance between us in order to calm down, because I am so close to hurting her.  

Instead I finish dishing up her dinner and a fresh cup of tea for the both of us.  I want to talk to her properly, but our emotions are so unstable, that the only thing I can think of to bring our reunion to some kind of amicable talk, is a cup of tea.  My hands are shaking so the tray lands heavily the table because I am now noticing her hair.  It is unbound and the thought that she was out with other men and with her hair out has that ugly jealous emotion rising and I can't do anything to stop it.

"Who were you with and why are you back so late?" I ask and this time leaning over her.    I am so close to ripping  that gown from her body to determine if there is another mans energy on her that I am barely functioning.  The thought that she was with another man is so distressing, that the struggle to stop myself is becoming a battle.  Only I can see that she is trying just as hard to keep her own anger at bay and so her head lowers a little while her eyes dip.

"Why are you here Mo Yuan?" she asks softly this time and looking close to crying which she knows damned well has an affect on me.  But what has me momentarily staring back, is the way my name falls off her tongue with ease.  Whatever doubts I had that she might still cling to the discipleship, is no longer an issue, not when she is now seeing me as a man rather than her old shifu.  Only those tears are destroying me.

She knows I hate the tears and have never been able to remain angry when her eyes fill up like that, and so for a few seconds I am caught between wanting to hurt her and pulling her into my arms.  But there is something else in her eyes which I am only seeing now, and that is the love she still has for me.  I initially didn't see it because I was so angry at her drunken state and late return, but in that short space of time, I see most clearly the love between us.  She has not lost it even though for whatever reason, she has chosen to let me go.  So there is hope for a reconciliation, and its enough to have me moving back to pour the tea.

And so we talk.  It isn't exactly what I had planned, but it is a talk about our time before that war, my departure and of course, the trial that is the main obstacle between us.  And it is an obstacle because she has so foolishly misread her lessons and the overall reason for why we thrown together along with Liang.

It is obvious the boy had fallen in love with her and it is more than likely she had feelings for him, so the trial was a way to let him go by creating a scenario where he was not suited to her in that lifetime and nor this one.  

Only the moment she tries to force me back by declaring our time together was just a mere trial, then the anger I had slowly allowed to ease, once again rises and this time I lose my temper completely.

"Do you honestly believe that?" I ask in disbelief only to listen on as she describes what she thinks her trial was about which is so typically her, that I sit here stunned beyond words because from her own mouth, she deems all trials to be left where they are and we should both move on.