EXT. BLUE BASE - DAY
CHURCH, CABOOSE, and TUCKER are standing over Church's lifeless body, which is still lying on the ground where it fell.
CHURCH: (His ghostly form hovering, a look of profound disgust on his spectral face) I am not happy about this. Not one bit. This is an outrage! My body is just lying here!
CABOOSE: (Eyes wide, a sudden spark of inspiration) I have an idea. ... ...I have an idea! A really good one!
TUCKER: (Sighs, rubbing his helmet) Yeah, we heard you the first time, Caboose, we were just ignoring you. It's usually safer that way.
CABOOSE: (Beaming, pointing at Church's body, then at Church's ghost) Since you possessed that red guy, and took control of him, why don't you just possess your own body? Then you'd be alive again! Like a zombie!
CHURCH: (His ghostly form shudders) Oh, I see, so that way I would be living inside of my own dead body. Just... rotting.
CABOOSE: (Nods enthusiastically) Yes! And you could be a zombie! A blue zombie!
CHURCH: (Voice flat, utterly horrified) Unable to move, just, laying there, rotting in the sun for all eternity. Slowly decaying. Becoming a feast for carrion birds.
CABOOSE: (Still cheerful) Yes! And then you wouldn't be a ghost anymore!
CHURCH: (A long, drawn-out sigh that echoes through the canyon) Okay, Caboose, I'll be sure to get right on that. Right after I finish my taxes.
CABOOSE: (Frowns) I think you are a mean ghost.
TUCKER: (Turns to Church's body, then back to Church's ghost, pinching his helmet) Dude, your body really stinks. Like, something died in here. Oh, wait.
CHURCH: (His ghostly form bristles) What?! It stinks?!
TUCKER: Your body, it stinks, Church. Like, really bad. It's starting to attract flies. And possibly scavengers.
CHURCH: (His ghostly form turns to Tucker, a menacing flicker) Tucker, the first chance we get, you are going to bury my body. Six feet under. With a nice headstone.
TUCKER: (Shrugs) Quit your bitching, nothing's going to happen to it. It's just a body. It's not like it's going to get up and walk away.
CHURCH: It's a freaking indignity! My body fought hard for this army, and it deserves to be laid to rest! With dignity! Not left out here as a monument to my tragic demise!
TUCKER: Get over it, you're already dead. What's the worst that could happen now? You gonna get double-dead?
CABOOSE: (Points to the sky, eyes wide) Hey, Church, look, birds! Why are they flying around in circles? Are they doing a dance?
CHURCH: (His ghostly form slumps) Nuh, God.
EXT. RED BASE - DAY
GRIF and SIMMONS are on the red base, playing "I Spy."
GRIF: Okay, I'll go again. I spy something, that begins with...
SIMMONS: (Immediately) Dirt.
GRIF: (Slumps) Damn! How did you-
SIMMONS: Well, because you did rock last time. That's all that's out here, Grif, is rock and dirt. And occasionally a very confused rookie.
GRIF: (Sighs) Yeah, this canyon sucks. It's like a giant, dusty prison. With no snacks.
EXT. BLUE BASE - DAY
Back to the Blues overlooking Tex working on the tank. CABOOSE is holding the sniper rifle, looking through it.
CHURCH: (His ghostly form hovers over Tucker's shoulder) How long do you figure until Tex fixes the tank? I'm getting a bad feeling about this.
TUCKER: (Watching Tex weld, sparks flying) Not much longer, she said it's going pretty well. The gun's almost working, and then she'll get it moving again. She's a natural.
CHURCH: (A groan of despair) Oh, that's just fantastic. Just what we need.
TUCKER: Why would that upset you? The Reds dying is a good thing, Church. It means we win.
CHURCH: No, Tucker, it's not a good thing. As soon as she gets the tank online, she's gonna use it against the Reds, and they're all gonna die. And as soon as we beat the Reds, Tex is outta here. And I still haven't figured out a way to get that A.I. out of her head.
TUCKER: (Nods slowly) If she leaves, you won't ever find her again. She's a Freelancer, Church. They disappear.
CHURCH: Right. And if I don't get that A.I. out, she's going to be stuck like this forever. And I'll be stuck as a gay ghost robot.
TUCKER: So what're you gonna do? You got a plan B?
CHURCH: (A deep, spectral sigh) I guess I'm gonna do the only thing that I can do. I have to warn the Reds before she fixes the tank. It's the only way to keep her here.
TUCKER: (Eyes wide, helmet snapping to Church) You're switching sides?! Again?! Church, you can't just keep doing that! It's confusing!
CHURCH: (His ghostly form starts to shimmer) Sorry, guys. I don't have much choice. It's for the greater good. And for my sanity.
CABOOSE: (Lowers the sniper rifle, looking at Church, confused) Church, uh, wha, what happens when the Reds out here, to stop Tex, and then they come also with guns and they find us? Are we going to have to fight everyone?
CHURCH: (His ghostly form fading rapidly) I'll try to help you as best I can. Good luck, guys. Don't die. Again. (He vanishes completely.)
CABOOSE: (Turns to Tucker, a serious tone) Does this mean I should try to kill Church now? So he doesn't switch sides again?
TUCKER: (A long, weary sigh) I tell you what, Caboose. Kill me. I promise not to come back. It'll be a mercy killing.
CABOOSE: (Looks at Tucker, then back at the Red base through the scope) ... Hey! Look at this! (He focuses the sniper rifle, then gasps)
TUCKER: (Annoyed) No, Caboose. Don't tell me you saw another bird.
CABOOSE: They have, a girl. They have a girl! A real girl!
TUCKER: (His helmet snaps to Caboose, then he tries to peer across the canyon) A what?! Are you serious?!
CABOOSE: A girl, a girl! Look, pink armor! She's very pretty!
TUCKER: (Stares across the canyon, then groans) Oh man, how come they get a girl? We never get any girls! All we get is you, and a dead guy, and a tank that tries to kill us!
TEX: (From below them, her voice clear and annoyed, having heard everything) Uh, you guys realize that I'm a chick, right? And that I'm standin' right here? And I just fixed your tank?
TUCKER: (Turns to Tex, then back to Caboose, then back to Tex, stammering) Yeah, Tex, but when we say a girl, we mean a girl girl. You know. A real girl.
TEX: (Her helmet tilts, a dangerous stillness about her) And what the hell does that mean, Tucker? Are you implying something?
CABOOSE and TUCKER: (Simultaneously, backing up from the edge of their ledge, hands up defensively) Nothing! Nothing at all!
TUCKER: (Whispering to Caboose, a sudden thought striking him) Wait a second. If Tex heard that, do you think she heard Church's secret plan to warn the Reds about her?
CABOOSE: (Whispering back, eyes wide) I don't know... but I think I know how to find out.
Caboose steps back up to the edge of their ledge, looking down at Tex, who is still working on the tank.
CABOOSE: (Shouting down, loudly, clearly, and completely oblivious) Hey... Tex! Uh... Did you hear Church's secret plan to tell the Reds that you were fixing the tank?! And that he was going to warn them about you?!
Tex slowly turns her helmet back to the tank, then Caboose backs up quickly to join Tucker, a nervous grin on his face.
CABOOSE: (Whispering to Tucker, triumphant) I don't think she knows. ...Unless she can read minds... She can't read minds, can she? (He leans closer to Tucker, then whispers loudly to himself) ...Can you hear what I'm thinking, Tex? I'm thinking about ice cream!
YOU ARE READING
Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert)
FanfictionYou were one of the first freelancers and one of the best you could never fill a mission no matter what happens you always succeed no matter who you fight you always come out on top. You've lost a lot of people you care about in your life along with...
