INT. BLUE BASE - DAY
TUCKER and CABOOSE have DONUT surrounded inside the blue base. Donut is looking nervous.
TUCKER: (Aiming his assault rifle at Donut's chest) So, they send a female assassin to try and kill us. Clever, but it won't work. We're immune to your feminine wiles. ...Unless you wanna date one of us. Because I'm available.
DONUT: (Eyes wide, aghast) Female!? I'm not a girl! I'm a soldier! A proud, lightish-red soldier!
TUCKER: (Lowers his rifle slightly, a smirk) Tease.
DONUT: I just have, light red armor. It's a very masculine shade of light red.
CABOOSE: (Tilts his helmet, curious) How is that pink armor anyway? Looks comfortable... Is it breathable?
DONUT: (A slight huff, then a thoughtful tone) At first, I really hated it. But it's kinda grown on me. My old armor used to chafe my thighs somethin' awful. But the crotch in this pink one is surprisingly roomy! And it has great ventilation.
TUCKER: (Raises his rifle again, disgusted) Silence, woman! We're not here for a fashion show!
EXT. RED BASE - DAY
Cut to SARGE addressing SIMMONS and GRIF, who are standing by the Warthog's wreckage.
SARGE: (Pacing, rubbing his chin) Good Buddha's noodle, how could this have happened? Donut, captured! My Warthog, destroyed! Again!
SIMMONS: (To Sarge, trying to sound reassuring) It's okay, sir. It was a strong plan, Grif's just a dumbass. He probably messed it up.
GRIF: (Muttering) Hey, I'm using your cerebral cortex, Simmons! Don't insult your own brain!
SARGE: (Snaps) Settle down, ladies. We need a new stratagem, and we need it fast. Before those Blues figure out our true intentions.
SIMMONS: Donut's sure to crack under the pressure and reveal everything, sir. He's not exactly a hardened interrogatee.
GRIF: Everything like what, where we keep his tampons? Or his secret stash of sparkly nail polish?
SARGE: (Sighs, exasperated) You're right about that, Simmons. The boy doesn't even see the entertainment value in being tortured! Oh, these kids today! No appreciation for the classics!
INT. BLUE BASE - DAY
CHURCH enters the blue base, where TUCKER is waiting.
CHURCH: (His ghostly form flickers) How's it goin', Tucker? We get any useful information outta the prisoner yet? Did he confess anything?
TUCKER: (Shrugs) I figured he was here to steal back Lopez, but he won't give us anything... except a list of crock pot recipes. Would that be useful? He says he has a mean beef stew.
CHURCH: Do we have a crock pot? I don't remember seeing one in the inventory.
TUCKER: No, Caboose made a trade with that annoying guy from Blue Command. He swapped it for a mystery box. Said it was a good deal.
CHURCH: What was in the mystery box? Please tell me it wasn't more rocks.
TUCKER: A hundred and forty jars of mayonnaise. All expired.
CHURCH: (A long pause, then a thoughtful nod) ...well, that's a good trade... It has its uses.
TUCKER: Yeah, it doubles as a great sunscreen. And a hair conditioner.
CHURCH: (His ghostly form shudders) How did you- never mind. Listen, I think I came up with a plan for how we can use Lopez and our new prisoner to get an upper hand on the Reds... A truly brilliant plan.
YOU ARE READING
Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert)
FanfictionYou were one of the first freelancers and one of the best you could never fill a mission no matter what happens you always succeed no matter who you fight you always come out on top. You've lost a lot of people you care about in your life along with...
