You were one of the first freelancers and one of the best you could never fill a mission no matter what happens you always succeed no matter who you fight you always come out on top. You've lost a lot of people you care about in your life along with...
Fade in to CHURCH in the past, a pixelated, sixteen-color environment. He's standing in a strange, futuristic room.
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CHURCH: (His optical sensor flickers, bewildered) Okay, think, Church. The bomb went off, you got knocked out, you woke up, and you were here. Question is, where is here? And why does everything look like a bad video game?
A wall raises, revealing a large, glowing computer console. Church moves past it to the computer.
COMPUTER: (A flat, synthesized voice) Hello. You are early.
CHURCH: Me? Early for what? A party?
COMPUTER: You are not supposed to be here for another 1,856 years.
CHURCH: (His optical sensor widens) What is this place? And what are you?
COMPUTER: This is the housing facility for the great weapon. I am the keeper of the great weapon. You are the great destroyer. You will demolish this facility, kill me, steal the great weapon, and bring about the great doom for billions of people. ...Welcome! How may I be of assistance?
CHURCH: (Stammering) What're you talking about? I'm not a destroyer! I'm a good guy! Mostly.
COMPUTER: Your coming has been foretold by the great prophecy.
CHURCH: Does your society have any other adjectives besides great? Like, "pretty good" or "mediocre"?
COMPUTER: The great prophecy warns the great destroyer will be a blue being.
CHURCH: And you think that's me. Just because I'm blue? That's racist.
COMPUTER: The blue being will be known as the stupidest life form in the universe.
CHURCH: (A dawning horror) Wait a second, this destroyer guy. He dresses like me, but he's dumber than anyone else in existence.
COMPUTER: Correct.
CHURCH: Oh crap.
TEXT SCREEN: 1,856 YEARS IN THE FUTURE
EXT. O'MALLEY'S BASE - DAY
Cut to unarmed CABOOSE, running frantically.
CABOOSE: (His deep voice, shouting) Mister Sargeant! Mister Sargeant! Come quick! I found something!
SARGE: (Off-screen, annoyed) You'd better have a damn good reason for interrupting our search. Can't you see this is an extremely organized and highly motivated operation!
TEXT SCREEN: 2 MINUTES BEFORE THAT
EXT. O'MALLEY'S BASE - DAY
Cut to GRIF and SIMMONS, looking for Lopez's head.
GRIF: (Sighs) Yeah, I'm bored, I wanna stop doing whatever it is I'm pretending to be doing. My feet hurt.
SARGE: (Off-screen, his voice booming) You're supposed to be helping me look for Lopez, meat sack. You said you saw him up here.
