Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert)

Season 2 Episode 26: Nobody Likes You

EXT. BLUE BASE - DAY

GHOST, GRIF, SIMMONS, and DOC are looking up at the Blues in their base. CHURCH (as Lopez, cobalt) is facing away from them, his back to the Reds. TUCKER and CABOOSE are also present.

SIMMONS: (Shouting up) What the hell are you guys doing?!

TUCKER: (Eyes wide, whispering to Church) Oh crap, the Reds are here. They saw us.

CHURCH: (His optical sensor flashes, annoyed) What?! Caboose, why didn't you say anything?! (He tries to turn around, failing miserably, his lower half unresponsive) Hey. One of you guys turn me around. I still can't move my legs.

GRIF: (Shouting up, confused) What were you doing down there, Blues? It looked like some kind of weird ritual.

TUCKER: (Shouting back, trying to sound nonchalant) Nothing! What're you talking about? Just... maintenance!

CABOOSE: (From the back, cheerfully) We were just playing a game! A very fun game!

CHURCH: (A frustrated whisper) Caboose, we'll handle this!

GRIF: (To Simmons) What in the hell is going on at this base? They're even weirder up close.

DOC: (To Grif and Simmons, shaking his helmet) I told you these guys're weird. They shot me. And they have a talking robot.

GHOST: (Flatly) I agree these guys are weird... Their tactical decisions are... questionable.

CHURCH: (Turns his head as much as he can, shouting) Whaddaya want, Reds?! Get outta here, or we'll start shootin' at ya! We're not afraid!

GRIF: (Shouting back, a smirk in his voice) Oh yeah? You care to make that threat to my face, Church? Or are you just gonna talk to my back?

CHURCH: (Strains, trying to turn around, fails miserably, grunting) Uhgh... no. My legs are still broken.

GRIF: (Scoffs) Yeah, I didn't think so. Punk.

SIMMONS: (Steps forward, raising a hand, trying to de-escalate) Whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down, guys. We didn't come here to fight. We just came to give back the prisoner. He's more trouble than he's worth.

TUCKER: (Confused) Give him back? You can't give him back, you took him, a deal's a deal. That's how hostage exchanges work.

GRIF: (Shakes his helmet) Yeah, well forget it. We don't want him. He's annoying. And he smells like peaches.

CHURCH: (His optical sensor narrows) Well, sorry, you can't have another prisoner. That was our last one. We're all out of prisoners.

GRIF: (Exasperated) Hey dude, what is your problem? You don't want him, and you don't want him back? Make up your mind!

SIMMONS: (To Church) Didn't your mama ever tell you it's impolite not to look at someone when you're talking to them? It's basic manners.

CABOOSE: (From back, helpfully) He's shy! He gets nervous around new people!

CHURCH: ( a sharp whisper) Shut up!

GHOST: (Flatly, to Church) Leave the kid alone, Church. He's just trying to help.

CHURCH: (Sighs) Look, we don't want him back, and we don't care what you do with him. Now if you don't mind, we'd appreciate if you'd leave us alone. We're in the middle of something, kinda private over here. Like, a very important robot repair.

GRIF: (To Simmons, a smirk) That's sad. He is shy.

SIMMONS: (Shrugs) Fine, but don't come asking for him back later. He's your problem now.