Season 1 Chapter 3: The Rookie

5.4K 90 27
                                        

EXT. RED BASE - DAY

GHOST, SIMMONS, and GRIF are standing on the roof of the red base. A SOLDIER IN RED ARMOR is walking up the ramp behind them.

SIMMONS: Hey, that's not exactly what happened.

GRIF: Yes it is. You said "I'm not going to the Vegas Quadrant," and then the next thing I know you're in an escape pod headed for-

RED ARMOR: (Approaching hesitantly) Excuse me, uh, sirs

RED ARMOR: (Approaching hesitantly) Excuse me, uh, sirs

Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.

SIMMONS: (Turns, surprised) Sirs?

GRIF: (Groans) Ah, crap.

GHOST: (A low, flat sigh) It's the rookie...

RED ARMOR: I was told to report to Blood Gulch Outpost Number One and speak to whoever's in charge?

GRIF: (Waving a dismissive hand) Sorry, man, Sarge is at Command getting orders. Ain't nobody in charge today.

SIMMONS: (Puffs out his chest, adjusting his helmet) Actually, Private, he left me in charge while he's gone. Total authority.

GRIF: (Scoffs) You are such a kiss-ass.

GHOST: (Voice dripping with disdain) Also, Sarge doesn't trust you worth shit. He also told me I'm in charge... so go fuck yourself, Simmons.

SIMMONS: (Ignoring Ghost, turning back to the rookie, clearing his throat dramatically) ...Anyways... He told me if I had any trouble from you I should... (He adopts a terrible, gravelly impression of Sarge) "Git in the Warthog, 'nd crush yer head like a tomato-can."

GRIF: (Shudders) That's the worst impression I've ever heard. Seriously, it's offensive.

GHOST: (Nods slowly) I agree. That was dog shit.

SIMMONS: (Ignoring them both, focusing on the rookie) Okay, rookie, what's your story? Name and serial number.

RED ARMOR: (Snapping to attention, a slight bounce in his step) Private Donut reporting for duty, sir! I'm ready to fight some aliens!

GRIF: (Raises a hand) Couple things here, rookie. First off, Private Donut? I think somebody needs a new nickname. Seriously. Secondly, what's with the armor color?

GHOST: (A sigh) I'm just gonna call him Donut... (Gestures to Donut's armor) Also, you might wanna change your color. It's... blinding.

DONUT: (Confused, looking down at his armor) Why, this is the standard issue red. It's very flattering, don't you think?

GRIF: (Exasperated) Yeah, I know. Listen. Only two kinds of people wear standard issue armor: officers and recruits. And since you're not threatening to gut me like a fish, you're probably not an officer.

DONUT: (Looks at Simmons, then Ghost) Well, he's wearing red armor... and he's wearing black and red.

SIMMONS: (Defensively) No, my armor is maroon. It's a very distinct shade. Your armor is red, rookie.

Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert)Stories to obsess over. Discover now