You were one of the first freelancers and one of the best you could never fill a mission no matter what happens you always succeed no matter who you fight you always come out on top. You've lost a lot of people you care about in your life along with...
Fades in on O'MALLEY and LOPEZ standing on a base in a cold, desolate-looking place, possibly a snowy mountain range. Lopez is still tied up.
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O'MALLEY: (Evil laughter, echoing slightly) Hahahahahahahahaha. You fools have fallen right into my hands. Only now, do you realize the folly of your follies, hahaha. Prepare for an oblivion, for which there is no preparation! (Evil laugh, a particularly long and drawn-out one.)
SIMMONS: (His voice, staticky and distant, over a radio) O'Malley! The Reds and Blues are working together now! You can't hope to beat us. We're a unified force of idiocy!
O'MALLEY: (Scoffs, ignoring Simmons) You fool! My metallic friend is the only ally I need. Lopez, activate weather control routines. Now!
LOPEZ: (His voice robotic and monotone) Okay. Initiating weather control.
Lightning shoots out of Lopez, and he becomes surrounded in what look like spinning mystic runes, glowing with an ominous energy. The ground around him shimmers.
SIMMONS: (Bewildered) Are those runic symbols a sign of some ancient technology? Or just really fancy lights?
DOC: (From inside O'Malley's helmet, weakly) No, I used to draw them on my binder during study hall. I always wanted to use them for something. Aren't they cool? I thought they added a nice touch.
O'MALLEY: (Snaps) Shut up, Doc! You're ruining the dramatic effect!
SARGE: (A dawning horror) Oh, Sampson's back hair. They found our secret weapon. I developed a weather control device, but I was missing one critical piece of technology to make it work.
GHOST: (Flatly) What the fuck were you missing, Sarge? A manual?
O'MALLEY: (Evil laughter, triumphant) Hahaha yes. And now that I've located those "D" batteries, the Universe will be mine! Hahahahaha! All will tremble before me!
TUCKER: (Incredulous) Are you serious? You couldn't find D batteries? They're everywhere!
SARGE: (Defensive) Only at gas stations, and they're just so darn expensive there. And the ones at the grocery store were always out of stock.
GHOST: (A deep sigh) That is sad... I mean, really fucking sad. My circuits are weeping.
