EXT. RED BASE - DAY
Fade in to SIMMONS talking to SARGE from the safe confines of the Warthog. GRIF is leaning against the vehicle, looking utterly defeated.
SIMMONS: (To Sarge, a look of disbelief on his visor) Okay, so let me get this straight... they were talking, to the bomb. Like, having a conversation. With a ticking explosive device.
GRIF: (Shudders) Dude, I don't know. They mentioned something about candles and a bubble bath, and they were playing some kind of a New Age CD. It's like a Yanni fan club meeting, but with more existential dread. And less hair.
SARGE: (To Donut, who has just arrived, looking pristine as ever) That makes no sense at all. Did you wanna translate for us, Pinky Pants? You seem to have a knack for understanding the bizarre.
PINKY PAN-DONUT: (Beaming) My guess is that they're trying to get the bomb to do something for 'em. Like, convince it to not explode. Or maybe to make them a smoothie.
SIMMONS: (Scoffs) And all that sweet talk and candles will work on a bomb? A device designed for mass destruction?
DONUT: It would work on me! I'm very susceptible to flattery and good lighting.
SARGE: (A dawning realization) Don'tcha see what they're tryin' to do? It's obvious!
GRIF: (Sighs) No. Isn't that the point of this conversation?
SARGE: The Blues are obviously trying to coax the bomb into rearming! They're about to launch an attack. On us! They're using psychological warfare on an inanimate object!
GRIF: Why would they do that? That seems overly complicated.
SARGE: Because they're Blues. They're sneaky. They're devious. They're... blue. Somebody get this kid the manual on Blue Team tactics!
SIMMONS: (A low growl) Oh-ho, I hate the Blues. Their very existence offends my logical circuits.
SARGE: That's the spirit, Simmons. Now, let's get ready for a counter-attack!
EXT. O'MALLEY'S LAIR - DAY
Cut to several LOPEZ units, crude robot bodies with Lopez's head mounted on top, in formation. O'MALLEY is pacing in front of them, with DOC's voice emanating from his helmet. SHEILA (on her mobile platform) is also present.
O'MALLEY: (Maniacal laughter, echoing) Hoohoohoohohahaha. And now the hour is at hand. It is time, my robot minions. Time for glorious, bloody victory!
DOC: (From inside O'Malley's helmet, weakly) He means robot minions. Where's your cultural sensitivity, O'Malley? And your proper pronunciation?
O'MALLEY: (Snaps) Oh, shut up, Doc! At last, we will seize our destiny! And crush our enemies beneath our metallic heels!
DOC: Do we really have to seize destiny? Can't we just invite it to join our online circle of friends? It's much less aggressive.
O'MALLEY: (Roaring) Quiet, you fool! And quit sending me those invites! They're repulsive! And my inbox is full! Prepare for battle! We will break upon their fortress like an evil wind! A hurricane of destruction!
DOC: Oh. Okay.
O'MALLEY: Crushing all resistance with lightning speed! Attack! For glory! For evil!
ROBOT ARMY: (A chorus of metallic, synthesized voices) Charge. For the master.
The Robot Army starts walking slowly forward, their metallic feet clanking on the ground. Very, very slowly.
O'MALLEY: (Frustrated, stamping his foot) You there, hurry along! And you in the back! Eu- Lopez, can't you speed them up?! This is a glacial pace!
YOU ARE READING
Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert)
ФанфикшнYou were one of the first freelancers and one of the best you could never fill a mission no matter what happens you always succeed no matter who you fight you always come out on top. You've lost a lot of people you care about in your life along with...
