Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert)

Season 3 Episode 47: It's a Biological Fact

EXT. O'MALLEY'S BASE - DAY

Fade in on the Boys and Tex outside O'MALLEY'S BASE, near the Warthog. The base looks imposing, even from a distance.

TEX: (Arms crossed, a hint of impatience in her voice) What took you guys so long to get here? I've been sending those coordinates for hours.

SIMMONS: (Wiping sweat from his brow) There's seven of us, and this is only a three-seater jeep. Half of us had to sit on someone else's lap. While Ghost stood on top of the Jeep, like some kind of silent hood ornament.

GHOST: (Flatly) It wasn't that bad. The wind resistance was minimal.

DONUT: (Beaming) It was a great road trip! My favorite part was when Grif tried to change gears, and he accidentally-

GRIF: (Cutting him off, a look of horror) Hugh, please, let's not tell that story. Is there somewhere I can wash my hands? And my soul?

GHOST: (To Grif, flatly) Just cut it off. It's probably easier.

SARGE: (To Tex) What'd you find, Tex?

TEX: Well, O'Malley's holed up in his fortress. He's been fortifying his defenses for a few days now, and he's got some help. One of those religious nuts you guys picked up.

GHOST: (A sigh) Oh God, not that idiot. He never shuts up about flags.

CABOOSE: (Cheerfully) Oh, I like them. They were funny. He was very enthusiastic.

TUCKER: Caboose, they tried to kill you because of a flag. They literally wanted to murder us.

CABOOSE: I try not to remember the bad things about people. It makes me sad.

TUCKER: That's all they tried to do, there were no good things. They were just violent flag fanatics.

CABOOSE: That's okay. I have a really bad memory-wow look, a beach! (He points vaguely towards the distance.)

SARGE: (To Caboose) Shut up, Caboose. (To Tex) What's your plan, Tex? Let's get to brass tacks.

As Tex explains her plan, we see a nice, majestic, panoramic view of O'Malley's base, like it's a movie or something. The fortress is indeed impressive.

TEX: Well, first we have to breach the outer wall. It's solid.

CABOOSE: Oh. I love breaching! It sounds like fun!

TEX: Then, we have to get past another wall.

GRIF: (Groaning) Two walls? Some people are so materialistic. Why do you need so many walls?

TEX: The second wall has a guard tower, and an enormous razor-sharp spinning blade. Looks like it's for decorative purposes.

SIMMONS: (Squinting) What's that thing? It's spinning like two miles an hour. I could probably outrun it.

TEX: I didn't say it'd be hard to get past. After that, we have to pass the gun turrets, and break into the building itself.

SARGE: And then we attack O'Malley.

TEX: No. That's when we plant, this. (She gestures to a large, metallic sphere resting on the ground.)

CABOOSE (AS O'MALLEY): (Confused) ...We're planting a volleyball.

GHOST: (Flatly, to Caboose) No, Caboose, it's a bomb. Just think of it as this: bomb equals "big boom" or "big explosion."

CABOOSE: (Nods slowly) OK, that makes sense. Big boom.

TEX: (To Ghost, impressed) Wow, you can actually get through to him.

GHOST: (Shrugs) Yeah, it's kind of easy to do it, just make it very simple for him. And use large, clear words.