Season 3 Episode 52: Have We Met?

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EXT. BLUE BASE - DAY

Fade in to FUTURE CHURCH watching DONUT, TEX, and TUCKER before they go in the teleporter to Sidewinder. SHEILA is below, looking up at them.

SHEILA: (Her calm, synthesized voice) Good luck, everyone, take care. I packed you all lunches for the trip. And remember to hydrate. I even included a small, complimentary oil change kit.

TUCKER: (To Sheila) Thanks, Sheila, that was really nice of you. You're the best. And you remembered my favorite flavor of juice box.

DONUT: (Opening his bag, disgusted) Not really. All my bag had was an air filter and a thermos full of brake fluid. And a single, lonely raisin. And a note that said "eat your vegetables."

SHEILA: Make sure to wash your exhaust pipes every day. It's important for maintenance. And for good hygiene. A clean exhaust pipe is a happy exhaust pipe.

Tex runs through the teleporter, a faint shimmer. Then Donut, with a little hop.

TUCKER: (To Sheila) Bye, Sheila, we'll come back for you soon. And maybe bring you some oil. And a car wash. And a new coat of paint.

SHEILA: I'll be waiting. My internal chronometer is set.

Future Church runs across the Blue Base to Sheila, a look of urgency on his face.

SHEILA: (Her optical sensor glows) Church! I thought you left with Grif. Back already? Did you forget something? Your dignity, perhaps?

FUTURE CHURCH: (Panting, out of breath) I hate to tell you this, Sheila, but none of us are comin' back. Not really. Is there any way I can take you with me? Maybe transfer your program into a disk or something like that? Like a really big USB drive?

SHEILA: No, sorry, but I'm hardwired into this equipment. That's what happens when you're built by the lowest bidder. My core programming is intertwined with this very rock.

FUTURE CHURCH: (Sighs, rubbing his helmet) Yeah, tell me about it. (He glances at his own body's tombstone.) There's just one more thing you can do for me before I say goodbye. It's the last thing I can do to hopefully set all this stuff right. For everyone.

SHEILA: What is it? My processors are ready for instruction.

FUTURE CHURCH: Okay, here's what I need you to do. (He leans in, whispering, his voice low and urgent.) I need you to get out there, and I need you to wait off a real fricking wait, a long, long time,

SHEILA: (Her optical sensor blinks slowly) Alright. My power cells are designed for long-term standby.

FUTURE CHURCH: ...and give it a thousand years or something like that, and then send a call. A very specific call. To a very specific person.

SHEILA: You got it. My long-range communication systems are fully operational.

FUTURE CHURCH: Thanks, Sheila. And uh, sorry that I blamed you for killing me all this time. It was a misunderstanding. Mostly.

SHEILA: That's okay, Church. I'm sorry I enjoyed blowing you up so much. It was quite exhilarating.

FUTURE CHURCH: (His optical sensor flickers) Yeah, I'm not sure it was necessary to tell me that. Anyway, I guess this is goodbye, Sheila. For good.

SHEILA: Wait!

FUTURE CHURCH: (Turns back, impatient) What? I'm on a tight schedule here.

SHEILA: Tell Ghost I love him. He was always very kind to me.

FUTURE CHURCH: (Confused) Um, OK. (He turns and runs through the teleporter, disappearing with a shimmer.)

SHEILA: (Her optical sensor dims slightly) Maybe I should shut down now, and save a little power. For the long wait. And for Ghost.

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