Season 3 Episode 54: Hello My Name is Andrew

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EXT. BLUE BASE - DAY

Fade in to TEX overlooking the Reds from a high vantage point. CHURCH, TUCKER, CABOOSE, and GHOST are with her. TUCKER is still holding the glowing alien weapon.

TEX: (Her robotic voice, flat) See? They're down there, messing with the radio. Very suspicious.

CHURCH: (Sighs) Oh, so that's what they're doin'. I thought they were just having a really boring dance party.

TEX: Yeah. They must be plotting something. That kind of huddled activity usually indicates nefarious intent.

CHURCH: Or, maybe they're just listening to the radio. You know, for music. Or sports scores.

TEX: I know plotting when I see it. That's plotting. The way Grif keeps scratching himself? Classic plotting behavior.

TUCKER: (Swinging his sword idly) Maybe they're scheming. Scheming is different from plotting, right? More elaborate.

TEX: No, scheming looks different. That's definitely plotting. They're gonna try something. Something evil.

TUCKER: Why? I already told them Red and Blue are the same, it's all a conspiracy. We're all just puppets in a larger game.

CHURCH: (Groans) And I told you that's not true. Vic just made it up to confuse us. He's an idiot.

TUCKER: That just means he's part of the conspiracy. The ultimate puppet master!

CHURCH: But he's the one that told you Red and Blue are the same. Why would a conspirator expose the conspiracy?

TUCKER: Exactly. It's a double-reverse conspiracy! So deep, it loops back on itself!

CHURCH: (Rubbing his optical sensor) Wait, are, are you talking about a conspiracy that Red and Blue are the same, or a conspiracy that Red and Blue are different? Be specific, Tucker!

TUCKER: Exactly.

CHURCH: (Frustrated) You just keep saying exactly, do you have a theory or don't you?! My circuits are overheating!

TEX: Look, I don't care about Red, or Blue. All I know, is that those guys are up to something down there. And I don't like it.

TUCKER: Maybe they're planning to use the radio to beam secret messages to the fillings in my teeth. They've been buzzing a lot lately.

CHURCH: Secret messages about what!? Your dental hygiene?

TUCKER: Exactly.

GHOST: (Flatly, to no one in particular) You guys are f**king idiots... My head is struggling to keep up with this level of illogical reasoning.

CABOOSE: (Eyes wide, innocently) They are probably trying to tune in to the distress signal they heard on the radio.

CHURCH: (Turns to Caboose, surprised) What makes you say that?

CABOOSE: Oh, I know all the details. They were in their car, the Boss Hogg, when Simmin, heard a distress signal, on, the radio, and Gruff was in the back seat. With a monkey. A very small, angry monkey.

TUCKER: (Raises an eyebrow) Hmm, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and assume that some of that is wrong. Just a hunch.

GHOST: (Flatly) No, pretty much all that's right except for one where Grif has a monkey on his back. What Caboose meant to say is he's monkeying around or about, whatever you f**king say. He's just being lazy.

CHURCH: (To Caboose) How do you know all this? Were you spying on them?

CABOOSE: Andy told us. He tells us everything.

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