INT. O'MALLEY'S LAIR - DAY
Fade in to the bomb, counting down the last few seconds to 2:00. The ticking is loud and ominous.
GRIF: (Whispering, panicked) Howh, just two minutes left. I haven't even finished my last snack cake!
SARGE: (To the group, a solemn tone) Men, I don't want this to sound pessimistic, but I'm absolutely certain we're all gonna die! Horribly! And probably in a very undignified manner!
SIMMONS: (Nodding, a forced calm) I think that that's a totally objective assessment of the situation, sir. Your analysis is spot-on.
TUCKER: (Hitting the window shutters with the ultimate weapon, frantically) What if we just beat on these window shutters together, we can get 'em open. It's our only hope!
SARGE: (Scoffs) No, that would be the coward's way out. Fruitlessly trying to escape instead of accepting your own fate! Embrace the inevitable!
TUCKER: (Jumping up in the now open window, shouting) But I can see daylight! And fresh air!
SARGE: (Sighs dramatically) It's true. Only a miracle can save us now. A very, very large miracle.
GHOST: (Flatly) I hate you guys sometimes. Your melodrama is insufferable.
EXT. UNKNOWN LOCATION - DAY
Cut to the computer with CHURCH (AS ROBOT NUMBER 2), who now has a long, flowing white beard that reaches all the way to Tibet.
COMPUTER: (Flat voice) Teleporter complete. Slightly behind schedule. By about a thousand years.
CHURCH: (His voice raspy from disuse) You know, it might have gone a bit faster if you hadn't spent so much processor time telling knock-knock jokes. And trying to sell me G-Mail invites.
COMPUTER: Knock knock.
CHURCH: (Groans) Enough. Do you have the coordinates to send me to Blood Gulch or not? My patience has worn thin over the millennia.
COMPUTER: Yes. Do you have a plan yet?
CHURCH: I've been standing in this hallway thinking for a thousand years. I've had time. A lot of time.
COMPUTER: And?
CHURCH: Well, the main thing I need to do, is keep myself from dying. Again.
COMPUTER: (With a glaring typo) Thats a given.
CHURCH: And since all our problems stem from O'Malley jumpin' from Tex to Caboose, all I need to do is prevent her from dying too.
COMPUTER: Because you secretly love her.
CHURCH: (His optical sensor flickers, annoyed) Oh, don't start that again. All I need to do is kill that pink guy that sticks the grenade on her. He's the key.
COMPUTER: Sounds easy. For a being of your immense wisdom.
CHURCH: Well, I have knowledge of everything that takes place beforehand, so, as long as I don't interfere too much, or get spotted, should be a frigging breeze. A walk in the park.
COMPUTER: Ready to transport.
CHURCH: Okay, let's do it. Goodbye... computer. Compu- (He pauses, thinking.) You know what, you'd think I would have come up with a name for you in these thousand years.
COMPUTER: It's Gary. But thanks for asking. See you in a few hundred years. Or perhaps never.
Church with a beard all the way to Tibet teleports away, and is instantly replaced by Church with no beard (Past Church) running up to the same spot, looking frantic.
YOU ARE READING
Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert)
FanfictionYou were one of the first freelancers and one of the best you could never fill a mission no matter what happens you always succeed no matter who you fight you always come out on top. You've lost a lot of people you care about in your life along with...
