EXT. CANYON - DAY
Panning view of the sky, Blue Command on the radio. Camera pans and eventually zooms in on a cave entrance, where DOC is standing, looking disoriented.
VIC: (Over radio, his voice still cheerful and slightly pixilated) Hello, dude, come in, doctor dude, are you there, hello. Paaaaging doctor dude, to the radio, stat! I need twenty ccs of what the hell's going on there, dude. And maybe a coffee.
DOC: (A faint moan, rubbing his helmet) What happened? My head feels like a drum solo.
VIC: Hey, you tell me, dude. One minute we're talking about a hole in the wall, the next thing I know you turn into Grumps McGurt. Sounded like you needed a lozenge. Threatened to eat my children. ...not very cool, dude. Not cool at all.
DOC: (Gasps) Geeze, did I really? I'm so sorry, Command. Something went wrong with my radio, and I heard this weird, beeping, honking... It was very disorienting.
VIC: Hey, no offense taken, dude, don't got any kids anyway. Old Vic's been through the snip and stitch.
DOC: (Confused) What? Who's Vic?
VIC: (A knowing chuckle) If you know what I mean.
DOC: I don't wanna hear about that, Command. Please.
VIC: Winky-Blinky the one-eyed Sargeant's firing blanks, if you get me.
DOC: (Sighs) That's weird.
VIC: If you get me.
DOC: Look-
VIC: Via Condios of the Vas Deferens.
DOC: (Exasperated) Yeah, alright, I, enough, I get you. Too much information.
VIC: I mean a vasectomy, dude. Just keeping you informed.
DOC: (Trying to change the subject) Look, I found something really weird here at Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha. Something... unnatural.
VIC: Roger that, what did you find, dude? A new species of rock?
DOC: It, it's like a, it's like a thing. A big thing.
VIC: It's like a thing. Okaaay, dude. Thank you for the update. I'll be sure to alert the Chief of Staff...
DOC: (Quickly) Sorry... I'm just a little dazed.
VIC: Move to Defcon 1.
DOC: It's a big thing. It, it's purple, it's uh, it's a big purple thing. And it's glowing.
VIC: Use your words, dude. Specifics.
DOC: Look, I don't know, it looks like some kinda alien artifact. Do the aliens have like a, home base, or something here? A vacation spot?
VIC: I don't know, dude, why don't I just consult my Extra Terrestrial Travel Guide for ya. (Sound of rustling pages.) Oh look! Got a great series of alien bed and breakfasts there. Very highly rated.
DOC: (Sigh)
VIC: Lucky you.
DOC: Never mind. I'll just figure it out myself. You're no help.
VIC: Nothin' about big purple things though. Maybe it's some kind of alien vehicle. Or a really big grape.
Sound of radio being turned off.
DOC: Man, that guy is such a jerk. The next time he talks to me like that, I'm gonna tell him to go straight to H-E-Double Hockey Sticks. (He pauses, then sighs) Oh, I really shouldn't talk like that, that's not very nice.
O'MALLEY: (His deep voice echoing from inside Doc's helmet) If I ever meet him, I'm taking his eyes, as souvenirs. And his tongue.
DOC: (Jumps, startled) Whoa, that was unlike me. I must be stressed out. (He looks around, then a sudden thought) TIME FOR YOGA! (He sits down in the middle of the canyon, attempting a lotus pose.)
YOU ARE READING
Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert)
FanfictionYou were one of the first freelancers and one of the best you could never fill a mission no matter what happens you always succeed no matter who you fight you always come out on top. You've lost a lot of people you care about in your life along with...
