Jamilton Oneshots :)

Spectrum[Jamilton]

happy pride month readers.ok enjoy this mess.
content warning-homophobic slurs,abuse, violence,suicide,just plain out angsty

If you won't accept me,then others will have me.

He loved him,like that. But telling his family?
They might snap. If he discussed it they'd be disgusted,disown him and that'd be disastrous.
He knew it wasn't their fault,they were brainwashed
they believed some crazy things.

Thomas Jefferson wasn't one known to crack under pressure,but he'd known worse.His counsellors at school told him to tell his parents but he'd known the response. His parents were BLATANTLY homophobic. He knew if he came out as gay,they'd take the information and abuse him with it. He had already seen what they did when they had the lowdown that his sister fell for people,regardless of pronouns. It'd cause him a smorgasbord of disorders if he listened to what they would think.

School wasn't that great,but there was one person who made his day,always.His best friend/lover,Alexander was his world. He'd pulled him aside one day and gave him a soft and sweet kiss on the lips. And Thomas cried,truly. He'd liked him for a while,but since it wasn't exactly legal to be not heterosexual in the South,he didn't tell him. He told Alexander everything from that day.
And his logic said,
It's going to be ok,it's going to be okay.
this issue is temporary so attempt to wait for one more day.
there's nothing wrong with you,it's them,they're just backwards
You're in the future,they're in the past
and they would abuse you if they knew the facts about it.
you love him.
don't ever feel you should apologise,can't control your feelings or compromise.

Alexander had always been his beacon of light,his only support pillar. He would instantly know when Thomas needed a pick up,and they'd be in the toilet sometimes with the both of them engaging in a soft,yet sweet kiss that said millions to the both of them,sometimes with Thomas crying. It was like Alexander's sixth sense,he knew when Thomas was upset. It didn't matter what or how he knew,he just did.
Alexander once said to Thomas,and the latter always remembered it,
"I know it's difficult to find a guiding light now,but you'll come out alive,so hold on,until you're independent,wherever in the spectrum you are."

Thomas didn't know what'd crack first,the eggshells he treads on or himself.

He didn't know how it happened,in a matter of days,his family went from slightly aggressive towards him,to literal anarchy towards whatever he did. Every day he had glass bottles thrown towards him,profanities about his sexuality were commonplace in the house and he'd hide in his room or whichever room that was empty with a lock on it. He didn't blame his father for being an alcoholic and being a homophobic asshole.

After a few months of this,he started to get distant. He always tried his best to keep up a front for his Alexander,so Alexander was oblivious to his situation at home or his suicidal thoughts. He'd didn't want to cause Alexander grief so he'd distant himself from him,thinking if he himself was unlikable Alexander wouldn't care. He was bound to crack one day,he couldn't live in that house anymore.

And he did. One day,he felt it was too much. He couldn't take it anymore. His father had came home drunk and started throwing god knows how many bottles at him,screaming,"Faggot!" and "Burn in hell!" along with some other words that hurt Thomas to the core. His family wasn't there,they had gone out to a diner and then to a cinema,so they wouldn't be back home anytime soon. He had came home to a empty house after final crams sessions. He didn't defend himself because even after the onslaught of abuse,he was a nice person and he still loved his parents.

"I don't want to live in this cruel reality anymore,"he thought bitterly as he felt something inside break as his father threw him on the floor and kicked him. He was not fine,and Alexander didn't know. At long last,when his father was tired of him,one last smash with the bat which broke,he lumbered off to his room,leaving Thomas on the ground and a mess to clean up. After cleaning up everything but his injuries,he laid on his bed contemplating what may have very well been his last thoughts.He couldn't bear to know Alexander was going to suffer without him,but he didn't want to bother everyone with his painful existence any longer.
But he'd tell Alexander to move on first. He didn't want him moping after he left. One last text. A last text to his lover to tell him he loved him but he had to move on.

My dearest,Alexander,
I do not wish to expose you to the anger and pangs that come with you reading this. I'm sorry for leaving you this way and not telling you earlier. If I had a choice in this cruel world I would never do this to you.  If you are to hate me now I wouldn't be surprised. I am not worthy of your love. I am not strong enough for this cruel world.

If you have received this letter it means I have ceased to exist. My love,take your time,I'll see you on the other side. darlin',please move on,I am not worth your anguish in all of this. It would pain me if you were to never love again after me.

I'll see you when your earthly career terminates. We'll both be free to love again.

Forever and always yours,
Thomas

And then he swallowed the whole bottle of painkillers.

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I don't really know how to end this so let me know if you want a angst or fluff.(or I'll write both)
bye!
[1061 words]