Jamilton Oneshots :)

your breath in my tears [Jamilton]

short angst + me writing weird ass poems + tw//war, loss of a loved one, survivors' guilt.

alexander blanches. don't get him wrong,anyone would in this situation. thomas had to leave for war,and the brunette wasn't having it. he was not condoning the idea of thomas potentially going through the hardships of war and most likely suffering a deathless death,in which someone truly dies when nobody commemorates the life and death of someone. laurens had nobody remember about him until his body was unearthed clutching the dogtag of his beloved,James. of course, alexander had remembered them both,but he'd assumed the best. so no,he had gone through grief for acquaintances once,he had none of the intentions to grief for thomas,his lover.

but a longing kiss was placed nonetheless, a press to the cheek,almost as if he was making sure the breath of thomas would be ingrained into drops of tears and sweat and all the things they've gone through in this timeline,a timeless treasure trove of the recollections of the chalices of their love,never one to be truly told by others.

during the war efforts,alexander wrote poems where he described a special virginian and himself,told in an outsiders perspective,and people began to wonder,whose relationship was alexander waxing poetic words about,without the realisation that it was his own.

if only he'd stopped thomas.

— reprise of tears in a summer field
alexander hamilton
(this isn't a poem by him i made it myself)

he kisses him like it was never meant to be,
as if they were to separate
if one were to break the kiss.
an endless well of emotion floods him,
while he's aware
his beloved had the hands of death
griped onto his wrist.
he kisses as if to relearn his lover's scent,
as if it would pool into drops of gold fallen like tears into the depths of his being.
as if history never ended,
he holds him in a lover's embrace
and refuses to let go,
unaware he's been clutching at nothing.
and only in the haze-filled voids
of his memories
where two lovers exchanged
tears on a summer's field,
on days long gone by,
like it was their last.

he went on to tell himself,what if he'd stopped him?what if,he'd never let death take him away like a pig let to the slaughterhouse? alexander could never.

as he sat next to the marble head-slab reciting the lines not only to his country,but his lover.

outside,a summer's field awaited him,
where memories lived longer than tears of gold.

kinda sus eh? nah there's nothing to be sus about i was just bored here oki it be 2am and I can't sleep. so be it comment if you like the poems I'd love to know whether or not you want some explanations :)

update:
since my bae Tiaramisusoup said so, i will now include an explanation for all poems//not very clear pieces i write :) a reminder that all stories here can be interpreted differently and I'd love to hear your opinion :) this is just what i had in mind while writing.

plot twist,they're married. the summer's field in the poem was where thomas proposed and they got married there. the kisses are a sign of alexander's devotion to thomas, and the separation was meant literal(divorce) because they can't live without each other. a kiss is all it takes for them to connect. the "hands of death that griped onto his wrist" is a reference to what happened to thomas. he went on to the war and died. alexander knows that's a likely possibility,and so he decides to hold the memories of his lover's scent into him(but not figuratively,the poem exaggerates and i wrote flowery words because i can :)
the rest of the poem happens after the war. alexander clutches at thomas' pillow there,thinking it's thomas but it really isn't,he's six feet under. this alexander is stuck in the past with thomas,and he can never move on.

(well that was dark wasn't it? hehe :)
[718 words]