V I X EN ~ april 20th, 2017
i wake up to a text from gus instantly. it was wednesday, i had hours of classes ahead of me that i really didn't want to face but seeing his name motivated me to get out of bed and adjust my eyes to the blue light of my phone screen.
gus:
i wish u were here :( i really do like you vixie
vixie:
</3 i wish i could be there. with u would be so much better than having classes rn x.
i genuinely really was starting to fall for gus. the way he talked to me, the phone calls, the facetimes. he was giving me reasons, after only four days, to start liking him.
he was just overall a good guy. that's when he was sober.
when he was fucked up and would call me things would be a lot worse.
he always wanted to facetime me, every single night. he would be off bars and tell me how he loved me and how he wanted me there and how he would fly me out.
last night he cried to me about he needs help but no one is helping him.
i felt bad for this kid, he was younger than me but i felt like he needed an older person to settle him down.
i get ready for the day and head to classes. under the table at each class i am texting gus. i didn't have work at the shop today just the restaurant so i stayed after at the school working on some pieces alongside my professor. it was our independent study project. we wanted to see us incorporate current trends with new trends.
i loved being able to study fashion because it truly was my calling. i wanted to be involved in this stuff. even the marketing aspects interested me. i knew i wanted to do something in the arts, something that kept my creativity flowing and fashion was it.
i just wished there was more money with it.
gus:
i'm sober right now
vixie:
good i like u better sober
gus:
then i'll always be sober for u
vixie:
good boy ;)
gus:
hehe, anything for u. i wish i could fly u out here to finish tour with me. u could be my little fashion designer on the road, pick my outfits and shit.
vixie:
so when am i flying out?
gus:
tomorrow ;) ticket being bought
vixie:
i wish i could rn tbh
gus:
u could, take a semester off of college.
vixie:
i paid for my classes already i couldn't finically afford to take that
gus:
how much were ur classes?
vixie:
all together probably close to 25,000
gus:
college expensive as fuck
vixie:
yeah but honestly i am so happy i got it over with. i end may 9th and then i am done for life. this has been the earliest i got done and im so thankful for it rn.
gus:
i want to come to ur graduation :(
vixie:
then come!
gus:
i just may have to ;)
i respond back with something generic and shut off my phone screen going back to my work.
my professor wanders over moments later.
"i love the baggy jean look, with the bucket hat and small top definitely very chique festival vibes," he nods his head at my work.
"you're free to go your project looks good," he nods of approval before dismissing me from the extra time session although it was optional and you could leave whenever.
it was him telling me i needed to stop overthinking my final grade because i was smart and devoted i would do well.
i worked the night through, it was relatively busy. it wasn't noteworthy until richard came in and took his seat the bar top.
"you look different today vixen," he notes as i pour his drink.
i place it in front of him.
"what looks different?" i lean back giving him space.
"you look like you're unsure of something," he leans forward now.
"tell me what is it?" he sips his drink looking in my eyes.
"I recently met this boy and his life moves very fast, like he's a rapper and he's growing rapid fame and everything. i really like him, i haven't known him long though. maybe a few days. he keeps saying how he wants to fly me out to him and how he misses me and all this stuff, i really want to do the things he's offering me but i'm split because esha has been there my whole life but it's like a new chapter i want to take," i look towards him for advice on it.
"i think you need to do what is best for you vixen. listen, friends are good friends if they know what is right for you. i would ask esha, if she likes this dude and thinks it's best for you she's going to be understanding. now obviously you don't want to go runaway with some boy you just met, give him time, let yourself see if he really wants you there. if it's the right decision for you to get out of the city for awhile and live care free with him, then i want you to do what you think is best for your health vixen. mentally and physically," he nods his head drinking more.
it wanders my mind the whole night on my walk home. when i get back esha is sitting there on the couch and i can't help but ask her opinion.
"gus wants me to come move out and live with him, he wanted me to come on tour but i can't cancel my life plan right now, he wants me to come after i finish, i graduate," i bite my lip.
"like go to LA?" i nod my head.
"and you want to?"
"i am considering it," i come sit at the couch.
"we can move to LA if you just want to be close to gus," she looks at me awaiting a response.
"it's not even the gus aspect, it's like i need a new chapter of my life. i want to see and be somewhere new, try new things. i would love to have you move out to LA, but i am not going to make you leave a city you already love. i think i need to get out there and change up things a bit, his life is very different," she nods her head frowning.
"i don't want you to leave me but i think it would be good for you. for at least a year or so. change it up and get out of the city you knew your whole life," she rubs my knee and offers me some of her popcorn. i take a handful.
we sit and watch unmasking the murder and walking. i think i knew what i wanted but i needed time to make sure.
