V I X E N ~ april 11th, 2017
gus didn't take me back to the apartment after the show. instead he took me to some upscale hotel. well i guess it wasn't upscale really it was just a clean, nice hotel.
he paid at the front desk and brought me up to the room.
"why a hotel?" i question in the elevator.
"because my house is always occupied," he guides me out of the open elevator door and to a room labeled 32.
he unlocked the door and forcefully pulls me in shutting it behind us fast.
he pins me against the door and kisses me. i knew where this was going so i enjoyed every second of it sober. the best part here. gus was only high off weed. nothing else.
we made out before i pushed him towards the bed and climbed on top of him.
~
i woke up the next morning to gus shaking me.
"i have to catch a flight and you are coming," he drags me out of bed.
"i thought that was the last show," i rub the sleep from my eyes looking at the clock. 6 am.
"i know i thought so too but apparently i have on more in florida tonight," he throws me my shoes.
i slip out of bed and grab the shorts from the floor. gus's shirt was on so i went to take it off but he stopped me.
"it's cuter on you," he pulls it down passing me my shoes.
"what are you going to wear?" i glare at him.
"fine, give it," i take the shirt off and hand it over thowing on my tube top from last night.
we get back to the apartment, no time to shower or get ready or really pack anything up. i take off my makeup and throw my hair into a messy bun on the top of my head.
i put on some blue tie dye sweatpants and a light blue top, i add some false eyelashes on and cover mine with mascara to help it blend. i moisturize my face quickly and throw on a tinted primer with concealer to look a little more alive.
i walked out to gus packing up two outfits.
"it's not clean but it'll work," he glances at me.
"we need to do your laundry baby," i grab my bag and pack two outfits, skipping pajamas because i could wear what i was now, my toiletries, and makeup.
i put on some chain detailed air force ones and we are rushing out the door five seconds later.
~
we land in flordia, the switch back to new york time zones was weirding me out at first but i got used to it pretty fast. there was really no time to stall. we landed, went instantly to the venue, did a soundcheck, had a photoshoot, did two interviews and then back in the green room to wait and hour before the show started.
gus was pinned to my side as we watched funny videos on instagram on his phone.
"gus!" tracy calls out coming out from the other main backstage area.
gus nods his head and looks towards me.
"i am going to go on stage with tracy for a song, i'll be back baby," he kisses me quickly and disappears before i could question what else he was doing.
when gus came back his eyes were red and i could tell he had sniffed cocaine from the runny nose he had all of a sudden.
when he is alone lying against me again silent i think to ask.
"so what did you do?" i look down to make eye contact.
"cocaine," he sighs.
"and?"
"xanax, weed," he starts to close his eyes for too long.
"baby," i shake him.
"sorry babygirl, i am not tired," he gets up.
"i gotta use the bathroom," he starts to walk away but i jump and follow him.
"gus, please no more," i grab his hand pulling him back into me.
"i didn't do a lot vixen, don't worry. i am fine, i just need a little more to get me going," he pulls a baggy out of his pocket.
"fine then i am doing it with you," i knew he wouldn't let me so i knew it would make him stop.
his eyes fall when he looks into mine like he is heartbroken.
"no, you're too perfect for that," he shakes his head and starts to walk again but i pull him back into me.
"gus, please stop. or i won't stay in the room with you tonight," i knew we had a hotel for the night, i had my own money, i would get my own room.
he looks down at the cocaine in his hand and then back at me.
he throws the cocaine into the garbage right next to me and grabs my hand walking off outside with me.
he takes me onto the bus, he goes to the back of it with me tagging along in the back.
he sits me down on the couch and then lays down with his head in my lap. i can't help but start to play with his hair. he turns so his face is in my stomach and not visible.
"what's wrong gus?" i ask instantly knowing he was upset. everything about his body language screamed it.
"you're mad at me," he mumbles into my stomach, his arms wrap around my stomach to try and keep me close. i wasn't going anywhere though.
"gus, i am not mad. why do you think i am mad?"
"because you said you would get your own room," he mumbles some more.
"if you did more, and you threw it out. i am so proud of you baby," i try to lift his head to look at me but he won't budge.
"i am going to share a room with you tonight, i just don't want you doing more because you become like this and it makes me upset," i sigh playing with his hair some more.
"but it's not your fault i become like this, i just have so much going on at all times i can't just slow down, i can't just take a break," he finally looks at me.
"gus, you need to get out of los angles," i shake my head.
"would you come with me?" he asks almost instantly.
"if you wanted me to. i would find the money to get myself to where you are," i promise him smiling.
"i would pay for it all," he promises me.
"what is on your mind baby?"
"well i got an offer to go out to London to go to London Fashion week. i would try to bring you if i could i don't know if i can get you into it but i was thinking about moving out there for a little bit. just to get away from here, that's before i met you now i would only go if you did," he slurs his words and takes very slow but i understand what he is saying for the most part.
"if you want to go out there and you think it's going to save your life then i will move out there with you, if that's what you want maybe you want to be alone," he shakes his head rapidly.
"no, i want you there by my side," someone walks into the backroom.
"gus, it's show time," i look down at my phone to see a message from esha, i had texted her earlier because i missed her dearly.
"come on baby," he drags me out the stage. while he is playing, i feel bad, but i am in my phone texting esha.
after the show he mentions it but then spends the night with me talking to esha. he allows me to cry to him afterwards that i miss her and i miss my home. i fall asleep in his arms and wake up the next morning feeling the best i had in a long time.
