V I X E N ~ may 30, 2017
gus and bexey were at the studio, esha and i had tagged along mostly because we wanted a free ride into the city of london.
when we got there, we only stayed at the studio for half an hour, i knew the boys were going to be there for around 3-4 hours, once gus was in the studio he got in a very specific mindset where he would get lost in there for hours.
esha and i decided to go to the city and take some photos. we took some cute photos on the street, i was wearing some really baggy black sweatpants that hung low at my hips showing my defined stomach and v-line. i had a white cropped tank on with some necklaces and earrings for accessories.
i added a cropped grey zip-up hoodie and my platform doc martens.
we shot some cute photos together in the heart of the city before we walked around a bit and ended up at a cafe.
we both got something to drink. i got something for gus to-go because it was starting to become lunch time and he needed to get adjusted to the london time differences.
we walked back to the studio after. i got gus a chocolate croissant. he ate it in two seconds without taking a breath of air once.
we sat there listening to them write songs, get on beats, rap things into the songs, and just record.
after about two hours of us sitting there gus walked over to me.
he lifted my head and sat down putting my head in his lap while he played with my hair.
"what's up daddy?" i look at him smiling as esha excused herself to bexey.
"i missed my baby," he smiles down at me as he brushes through my hair with his fingers.
"are you enjoying london?"
"i am happier now that you're here," he meets my eyes and stays there for a long time.
"you know i am going to die real soon vixen," the sadness in his voice is apparent.
"you're only going to die if you let yourself get to that point, you're in london and things are different it isn't too late to try and turn it around," i grab his hand and interlock our fingers.
"i know, it's just really hard because popping xans has been my whole life, i'm off two right now," he drops his head slightly.
"it's ok gus, apart of recovery is relapse. it takes time before you're 100% clean, i am not fully clean. but i am working towards it because drugs have fucked my whole family life up."
"i know but i don't have a reason to stop doing drugs. the only reason i want to stop right now is because i found you and i don't feel like i need the artificial feelings anymore but then when you're not around it's like i need the substance to fill that void when you're not here," he sighs.
"i am just worried one day you're going to walk away from me and then i am going to end up killing myself," he concludes.
"then don't let me walk away," i whisper.
"i am not going to," he kisses me softly before he goes back to work with bexey.
esha and i sit there. i decide to post on instagram while we are waiting because i see esha doing it.
i post the timer pictures of gus and i together from outside the LA house.
i click to caption the post. my eyes go to gus who is staring at me as he sings the verse of a song. i listen closely.
"i know that you like me kiss me with your eyes closed, hate it when you fight me love it when i die slow," he looks at me making direct eye contact.
i keep his gaze for a few seconds before i smile and go back to my phone.
vixen: kiss me with ur eyes closed 🙈 @lilpeep
i post it, i tag gus because i don't care who sees that he's mine, he was mine and that was all that mattered.
likes started to flood in with the photos. a lot of more positive comments when i looked at them before getting off instagram for the night.
i enjoyed the rest of the studio session with esha, we danced along to their songs as they sang them out.
we left soon after, gus stayed holding my hand the whole car ride home.
when we finally did get back we all went off our separate ways, well bexey and esha went off and then gus and i did.
i helped gus get in the shower because he was moving slowly off the xans. he wouldn't let go of me so i joined him in the shower.
i then helped him get into boxers and got him in bed where he fell asleep instantly.
i wasn't tired so i texted esha and landed up in her bedroom.
"he's off xans?" she asked as we sit there painting our nails on her mattress that sat on the floor.
"yeah, i think bexey was too," i tell her.
"i am pretty sure he was too he was acting weird," she sighs shaking her head.
a knock at the door makes us both jump, seconds later the door opens and gus walks in with only his boxers on.
"we woke the princess," i roll my eyes as gus rubs his eyes and comes over to me.
"you left the bedroom," he frowns as he lays down with his head in my lap
"gus maybe come in with pants on," esha comments trying to not look.
"sorry i know i make everyone horny," he grabs a blanket and covers his lower half with it.
"i kinda liked half naked gus better," i push the blanket off of him, he smirks.
"gross," esha rolls her eyes.
"paint my nails," gus shoves his hand in the space mine was in causing me to mess up my nail.
"gus!" esha and i say at the same time.
he pouts.
"i just wanted my nails done!" we giggle before i take his hand and paint the nails on it.
he smiles at the freshly painted nails as soon as i finish.
he flaunts his new nails to both of us before doing a runway show across the floors of esha's room in only his boxers.
"very cute gus," i nod my head smiling.
"that was really good gus, do it again," esha gives him a thumbs up, so he gets up again and does a different set of poses down the runway.
"i think the boxers top it off personally speaking," we laugh at his plaid boxers.
"it's called fast fashion obviously you wouldn't know anything about what it's like to be fashionable vixen," i giggle.
"it's one am, i think it's time for gus to go to bed," i get out of the bed after closing up the nail polish.
esha moved it off the bed as i get up and link my arm with gus.
"good night esha," she smiles and waves.
"goodnight guys."
