V I X E N ~ may 16, 2017
gus pestered me nonstop about who it was but i refused to tell so tonight he refused to hangout with me hence why everyone was in the house. it wasn't really an argument that we had i was just like, "it was my brother," and then he wanted to know everything that i didn't care to share.
i was trying to pick up after people because i still cared about gus and his mental health, i didn't want him to wake up tomorrow to this but from how it seemed he wouldn't have given two shits about how i was trying to help. there came a point where i gave out.
i grabbed one last can and threw it out before i looked over to gus nearly xan'd out across the couch.
my mind plays images. he's just like him. no vixen stop thinking about that you're stuck here living with him.
my mind is going place to place to place, i knew what that meant. anxiety attack was coming. i rush outside, no one sees me because too many people are here, i run around the back of the house and sit against the wall.
i pick up my phone and dial his number.
"what the fuck you want now?"
"i made a mistake blaise, i made a big mistake and i can't do anything about it and now i just want to fucking die because i let myself given in to the fast life and now i am stuck in a place i don't kno-"
"vixen calm the fuck down, i am coming right now. i will give you something to make it all better," he hangs up.
i roll my eyes but moments later he is sitting by my side.
"now i know you never really thought of this shit but i am telling you vixen, you're overreacting and this will fix everything," he shoots my arm with the syringe but i don't flinch because it's the same thing he did to me when he sold my body on the black market a few years ago.
"i am starting to feel it kick in," 35 minutes have passed i don't remember any of what just happened.
i look around me.
"wh-what are you doing blaise? blaise!" but i'm gone.
~
i wake up in our bed. i think for a second nothing happened last night and it was just some twisted nightmare.
but i look over to see an arm tightly around me, gus was right there but he was mad at me?
i turned into his chest which caused him to wake up. he looked at me and rubbed my forehead before kissing it.
"what happened?"
"your brother shot your arm up with too many drugs for my baby, and then he, oh yeah! went and stole all your credit cards and money, i canceled the credit cards don't worry, and when i tried to file a report they couldn't locate his name and they claimed he must've fled the country," he smiles at me.
"how long have i been asleep for?" i groan digging deeper into his chest to avoid the light.
he kisses the top of my head and starts rubbing my back for comfort.
"two days, i am going a little insane without you around to keep me stable, ask anyone and this is the worst i've been in awhile. please stay baby, give me some time, i am working on it," he grabs my eyes.
"i'll try," i smile.
"i fucked everything up?" i shake my head digging deep into his chest.
"can you tell me?" i think for a second.
i need to let gus in.
"no, i just knew why my brother was here. i knew what he wanted to do and one way or another he would cause havoc in my life to get his way. i hadn't taken hard drugs like heroin in three years and it's like breaking my streak of trying to get away from my past. it just hurts when you're doing so well and someone intentionally fucks that all up to get their way," i mumble into his chest.
"just because that happened doesn't mean you're not doing amazing. everyone falls at some point, and it's ok to fall, you just have to get back up. i am sorry i let your brother come into your life, if i didn't get ma-"
"gus it's not your fault," i groan.
"oh ok," he kisses the top of my head.
"can i go to the studio?" no, please stay.
"you don't have to ask me that," i look at him and how close we are.
"baby i want you to come," he looks me straight in the eye.
i need him right now.
"ok daddy," i smirk and kiss him before getting out of bed.
"how long until we leave?"
"an hour?"
"well i think we should conserve water and time," i grab his hand and drag him to the shower with me, he smirks the whole time.
we get out of the shower and freshen up before we are in an uber on the way to the studio.
during the whole studio session, gus had me stay all over him. when he recorded, when he picked beats, when he adjusted levels.
the whole time my head stayed in his lap while he played with my hair. a lot of photos are taken and at the end of the studio session i get the photographers number so i can see the photos when they're done being processed and edited.
gus and i head back to the house at around nine pm. it is filled with people again. gus told me he didn't invite them but they had been there for the past few days so they probably just thought it was a party every night now.
we slowly got people to leave, some crashing on the couch but by the time we woke up the next morning everyone was gone.
