V I X E N ~ october 21, 2017
halloween was coming around which meant we were going back to new york city in a few days. today was the first day of rolling loud, today was gus was playing a set. i was excited because rolling loud was filled with artists i really liked and i was hoping i would get to see some before the end of the night.
there was a bonfire for the artists at the end of each night, since we wouldn't be able to attend tomorrow nights, gus made sure to tell me we were going tonight. i didn't mind, i was personally very excited to be the presence of all these really famous artists.
there were so many artists i wanted to see with esha alone but at the same time i knew it was best for me to stick by gus all day long because festivals got the best of him.
i ended up getting away for a little bit when gus had an interview. i found esha and we went side stage for trippie redd. we didn't get to see the whole set but we caught the last two songs.
he thanked the crowd for coming and walked off stage right towards where we were.
he introduced himself, it was a starstruck moment for me, on the inside i was fangirling on the inside but on the outside i was continuing to try and keep my laid back personality. i had been a fan of trippie redd for god knows how long.
"so, are you guys with an artist?" he asks us as he looks down at the passes.
"she's dating lil peep," esha nods towards me.
he takes a sip of his lean that we watched him pour.
"oh shit, yeah i wanted to come see his set later, mad respect for him," he nods his head my way.
i smile and thank him for complimenting my boyfriend.
we stay for a little while longer, we talk some more and eventually get him to follow us both on instagram. i think he took a liking towards esha, she was definitely his type. esha flirted with him a little but when we left she told me she felt bad for doing so.
"i mean you're not in a relationship with bexey, right?" she nods her head.
"I am still single it's just like bexey and i have been loyal to each other for awhile now, he hasn't hit on any girls and i've been with him a lot recently, i like him but he's just, i don't know. i don't do relationships i just fuck people and keep them around."
i knew esha the longest out of everyone in my life, i knew this about her. she had been this way since we were teenagers. she just never liked to settle down with people.
we got back to the bus changing topics to what we were going to wear for halloween now.
"well we have the boys show but afterwards we could always go out with larry, i say we dress up for the show," i open the door to the bus as we step inside.
"i was thinking, either angel and devil or two devils because it's the easiest to throw together while we are on tour and it's just an easy costume all around but can be made so sexy," she looks towards me.
"but our costumes last year were do good we can't go basic this year with devils," i grab some water before following her into the back lounge area.
"what were we for halloween last year?" we sit down next to the boys, i fall perfectly between gus' arms as he plays the video game with bexey.
he smiles down at me for a second and gives me a quick kiss before going back.
"i was in that thrifted pink cow two piece set with the mini skirt and a pink cowboy hat and you were wearing a very slutty pink costume and were the farmer. we literally even dyed a rope pink to put around me like i was a cow," she laughs.
"i remember that and we got drunk going home and you got stuck in the rope so we had to cut it to get it off you," she laughs some more.
"that's because that random dude kept asking me how depressed i was at the club so i showed him how to tie a noose and it got stuck around my ankle cause i went too tight with it," i laugh with her now.
"dude that was fucking funny," she finally calms down.
"so what should we be?" she finally speaks.
"cosmo and wanda?"
"that's actually a good one, you definitely have hot pink so you can be wanda, i'll be cosmo because i know i probably have lime green somewhere in my wardrobe."
~
i was watching gus preform from side stage.
i had been by his side all day so i knew for a fact he had only taken two xans up to this point, one right before the show, and one earlier today for the interview.
my intentions weren't to completely take away gus' pills, i think he was too reliant to stop completely now. i just wanted to ease him off them until finally he realized that he didn't need them anymore.
it was going to take a long time to get to that point but it started slowly and if you trusted the process eventually you would get to that point.
he had a good set. when he came off the stage he was happy, i was the only one that had bothered to stay and watch today. it wasn't that no one else wanted to come see him preform, bexey was going to see another set with esha. gus wasn't mad about it though, as long as i was there he seemed pretty content.
we walked around, got some food, saw some sets.
at the end of the night i convinced gus to come with me to travis scott.
we watched the set in clothes for the bonfire tonight.
i was dressed in a white bucket hat, a trasher shirt that was black, and some white windbreaker material pants with a black dragon on the side. nike socks and air forces on my feet. my arms were exposed showing off the dark ink on my very pale skin.
my tattoos didn't really mean anything. i got roses tattooed all over my left arm when i was 21 because i was legal and i just wanted to do something to cover up my bruises and cuts.
the tattoos cover all of my imperfections which is why i love it so much.
we left the set early to get to the bus for dinner before the bonfire. they said they would have pizza there but gus wanted to make sure i ate as much as possible.
we had a small dinner at the bus before we headed over to the bonfire at around 11:30.
gus introduced me to some of his friends. eventually gus got caught up in conversation with smokepurpp and bexey so i wandered over to the drinks.
i poured myself a drink.
"what's up," i look over to see trippie.
"getting a drink," i toast him.
he smiles.
"where is your boyfriend?" i shrug and look over to gus.
perfect timing, popping six xans.
"you know it's going to kill him eventually," i nod my head.
"I am trying to save him but there is only so much i can do. he needs to act for himself, he's almost 21," i stand next to trippie and watch gus start to move slower and slower.
"let me give you my number, if you need anything, help with him later or whatever, i want you to text me," he puts his hand out for my phone.
i pass it over and let him put in his number.
"don't be afraid to give that to esha ahha," he takes a hit of his blunt and passes it over to me.
i take a long two inhales and pass it back.
"this that good shit trust me you'll be feeling it soon," he nods his head swaying a little.
"i need it," i give a small smile as we continue into conversation.
