DETECTIVES - Jay Halstead (2)

11- Hurt and betrayal

God's POV

The night before, they had miraculously caught Terry Deaton stealing a car a few streets away from the crime scene. So they had to come in early the next morning to fill out the paperwork from the case. Hailey observed everyone in the room, finally noticing Jay sitting at his desk. She glanced up at the ceiling and licked her lips, not believing him.

"And what the hell are you doing here?" She spoke up, making everyone raise their heads up and look at her. Jay was the last one to look up.

"What?" He asked, confused about being brought out of his state of concentration.

"Why are you here? Shouldn't you be at the hospital, you know, where your traumatized girlfriend currently is?" She responded, narrowing her eyes at him.

"I have paperwork." He simply responded as everyone looked at him in shock. Especially Erin, who probably didn't even know Amelia was Jay's girlfriend.

"Oh, yeah right. That's the most important thing right now. Great priorities, Jay." She angrily spat at him, Ruzek almost gasping in surprise at her response.

"I've got something going on tonight, alright? Back off." He glanced quickly at Erin then back at his paperwork. The woman looked guilty but escaped everyone's stares by concentrating on her computer.

"You're a jerk, Jay Halstead. I hope she dumps your sorry ass." She got up and packed up her stuff, "If hurting her doesn't hurt you, then you should have never even told her you loved her, because you definitely don't." She spat at him, hurrying out of the district and to her car.

Jay followed after her, keeping her from getting inside her car. "What the hell was that supposed to mean?"

They were standing close to each other, heat coming out off both their bodies. They glared at each other, the two who used to get along so well were now extremely mad at each other.

"Are you really asking me that?" She scoffed in his face, looking away before looking right back at his face again, "The simple mention of your ex's name makes you loose all of your senses. You can't even see how much you're hurting her, Jay! You've pushed her away for a whole weekend, which by the way, seems like the only thing you can do right these days."

"That's not fair, Hailey." Jay tried to stop her, but he didn't succeed as she kept going at it.

"That's not fair? You wanna know what's not fair, Jay? What's not fair is going out with a woman for two years and just as your relationship hits it's peak, you drop everything out of the blue for an ex girlfriend. For fuck's sake, we just found her attached to a chair with a bomb to her chest and you can't even be by her side when she wakes up in the hospital! What's not fair is that Roman and Platt are with her right now whilst her own boyfriend is making diner plans with his ex. That's what is not fair, Jay."

"Roman's with her?" He asked, looking down at the ground before looking back at her only to see his ex partner scoffing in his face, again.

"That's all you got from my speech? Yes, Roman is with her Jay. And you better get your act together soon because everyone's done with your shit. I told you once that pushing away thing you use as a defence mechanism, it's not healthy and that you'd lose someone over it. Well I think you're at that point now." She turned away from him and simply opened the door of her SUV, getting in and driving away when he got out of the way.

He thought over everything she just said and he knew she was right. The thing was, he wasn't sure of his feelings anymore. He knew he didn't love Erin as much as he loved Amelia, hell, he wasn't even sure he still loved Erin. But she did still make him feel some type of way. Like she had a hold on him that just tightened every time she was around. He didn't want it. He didn't want to work with her either, but Voight had told him to suck it up and that if he didn't want to be partnered up with her then he'd be fired from his job. Jay didn't want that, but he didn't want to sacrifice his relationship either so he felt kind of stuck in between two choices.

He made his way to his truck, figuring that he had to talk to Amelia about it all. He knew she could help him shed some light into all of it. He trusted her more than anyone else and even if he had betrayed her a lot these pasts few days, he knew she still had his back. As selfish as it sounded, he needed her to have his back right now. So he drove to the hospital, hoping that stupid non-problematic Roman would have left once he got there. Once inside, Jay quickly found his brother who lead him to her room but not without a dirty look and a gesture to call him later. He opened the door, observing that she was alone - no Roman and no Platt.

"Hi," He hesitated, unsure of how she'd feel with him around.

"Hi," She answered, sitting up and gesturing to the chair next to her so he'd sit down. Jay obliged, looking down at his shoes instead of up at her bruised face. "How are you?"

"I should be the one asking you that." He responded as he rubbed his face with his hands.

"Yeah, but I'm the one asking." Her answer startled him, he didn't think she'd answer him like that but it was only fair after what he'd put her through.

"I'm alright, you?"

"I've been better." She shortly answered, observing him. Amelia sensed that he was nervous, so she didn't say anything else. She wanted him to take the first step and talk to her.

"I'm sorry for what I've put you through these past few weeks. It wasn't fair to you." He spoked, barely looking up at her because it hurt too much.

"That's it?" She half heartedly laughed, "That's all you have to say to me?"

She shook his head when he didn't answer, "I'm sorry, it's just- I see how you react every time someone says her name or even when she talks it's like, it's like you get hypnotized. It hurts, Jay. It hurts so much." Her eyes flooded with tears as she sniffled, "I just stood there for the past two weeks watching you slip away from me. You've been my rock these past two years more than anyone has ever been in my entire life. But now, it just feels like I'm begging for your love and I do not want that. I know Erin's a huge part of your life but I don't want to stand here and watch you break your own heart over choosing me or her. I can't do it, Jay." Tears spilled down her cheeks as her chest tightened and her hands became clammy.

"I think we should just go our own ways. This is clearly not working anymore and it won't get better if you don't understand that you need to communicate with me. I've been patient with you these pasts few weeks just like you were with me when I got through my trauma, but I don't feel like you're even trying to get through it. And I can't watch you fall back in love with her, Jay. That's unfair to me because after all this time I don't think you should even be thinking about who you really love. The answer should be easy. I love you but I'm letting you go. I'll ask Hailey to go get my stuff."

Jay didn't know what to say. He knew he was in pain, he knew he deserved everything she said and he knew she was being very transparent with him. Everything she had just said was just the harsh and raw truth. But it hurt. It hurt loosing her and it hurt him to not know what to do or say. So he settled for the worst answer he could have ever given her.

"I'm sorry for everything I did that hurt you."

It was the worst answer he could have given her because it wasn't enough. It was nowhere near what she wanted or needed to hear and he knew that. Jay just wasn't sure if he was able to say those things yet and he didn't want to lie to her. The man needed some time to figure some things out by himself, so he could be a better person wether it was for her or for Erin - that he didn't know yet. He knew the smart and better choice was Amelia because that woman would have turned heaven and earth upside down for him whilst Erin wouldn't have done half the things Amelia did for him.

But he just wasn't sure he deserved a woman like her.

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Fucking jay

I'm scared y'all are going to lose interest in the story now lmao

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