In which their lives go on.
BOOK 1 : UNDERCOVER
BOOK 2 : DETECTIVES
TITLE USED TO BE : LAST FIRST KISS.
Highest rankings: #1- jayhalstead, #1 - halstead, #2 - jesseleesoffer, #2- chicagopd
Finished - December 2020
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(Can we please talk about Jay in uniform bc goddamn)
Amelia
I looked over at the person sitting next to me and smiled instantly.
"Hi! I haven't seen you in years!" I got up and hugged him. He chuckled and hugged me back.
"Yeah it has been a long time since I've seen you, you busy bee." He smiled at me sweetly as we sat back down, "What have you been up to?" He put his hand on my shoulder, gently rubbing it. I didn't really mind the contact, though my mind was set on someone else.
"Not much, I've - uh- been around. What about you, Fred?" I asked him, tilting my head to the side as I returned the sweet smile back at him.
"Still working as a mechanic, so same old I guess." He told me, observing Gabby finishing up closing the bar. "Should we get out of here?"
He suggested and I nodded, leaving a tip for Gabby before waving at her. We left the bar together and continued making small talk as we walked up to his car. Fred and I leaned up against his car for a while, mostly discussing our past.
"We had a good time together, didn't we?" He said, resting his hand on my shoulder just like he did before. Though this time he rubbed his fingers on it lightly as his mouth curved into a smile.
"Yeah," I chuckled, "We did."
He took a step closer, causing me to get lost in his eyes - mostly because of the alcohol that hadn't faded from my system yet.
"Why did it have to stop?" He put his hands on my cheeks, pulling me closer to him.
"I had to move for work, you know that." I answered with the lie I had came up with years before I went undercover.
"I know, but what's stopping us for getting back together again?" He tried, rubbing his thumbs over my cheeks. I leaned into his touch, thinking over everything he just said. I shut my eyes, enjoying his touch.
The only reason I could think of was : Jay. I couldn't keep my mind off of him the whole time Fred touched my face with his gentle touch. I knew it wasn't him I wanted to be with tonight but I also knew it wouldn't be fair to myself if I just went back to him. I didn't know what to do.
When I opened my eyes again, the choice became clear as I saw a very familiar pick up on the other side of the street. I was pretty sure he had been there the whole time but I unconsciously ignored him. As my eyes caught sight of him, he got out of his car and leaned against it subtly looking at me. A frown covered his features and his arms were crossed against his chest tightly. I pulled away from Fred and forced a small smile at him.
"I have someone else." I admitted, shortly looking at my feet before looking back up at his face. "I'm sorry, Fred. It really was nice seeing you again, but I can't do this."
"That's fine. I hope he makes you happy, Amelia." He answered, smiling at me as his eyes caught Jay's shortly. He turned around and got into his car as I waved goodbye at him.
I turned around and slowly walked towards Jay. He stood up straight, uncrossing his arms. He tightened his jaw before drawing his lower lip in between his teeth. I licked my lips as I approached him and stopped once I was close enough.
"Hi," I spoke quietly, taking him in. He looked great, just like he always did. His hair was slightly disheveled and his face looked a bit flushed. He wore a dark green t-shirt with black jeans. He always looked effortlessly perfect and tonight was no exception. Though I noticed he was wearing the exact same thing as earlier, so I guessed he hadn't been home between leaving Molly's and right now. So does that mean he had been waiting for me to walk out ever since?
"Hi, are you okay?" Jay asked me in his husky voice that I always loved. He seemed genuinely worried as I saw him quickly glance back at where I was earlier with Fred.
"I am. Are you?"
"Yeah. Who, uh, who was that? If I may ask, of course." He asked, without pushing which I appreciated.
"Ex-boyfriend. Ended on good terms." I simply put it, I didn't really want to get into details right now, especially with him.
His fists tensed up instantly as his jaw tightened and his eyes glanced at the street behind me, avoiding my own. I rolled my eyes at him, tired of him acting jealous and sad when he was the one who doubted us in the first place.
"Good night then." I shot him a tight smile and as soon as I started walking away, panic flooded through his eyes and he gently grabbed my arm to keep me from leaving.
"Wait. I'm sorry." Jay spoke, recovering from his short absence. "I just, well I just wanted to know if you were up for talking. I mean, I have a lot of things to say to you and I know it won't fix it all but I want you to know some things."
"Yes, yes I am up for talking. But just so we are clear, this is only to make it easy on us. Nothing more." I added, trying to convince myself more than him. But he nodded, accepting to cooperate and play it straight with me.
"Come on in then." He told me, following me around the car to hold the door for me as I stepped in. "Can I start talking now? Because if I don't I'll get nervous and won't know what to say." He nervously asked, I agreed smiling at him.
"I just want to say that I really am sorry for everything I did. I'm not even sure how to explain it to you but I will try my best because you deserve the truth." He started off and stayed silent for a few seconds. I decided to ask something.
"Do you still feel something for Erin?" I held my purse close against me like some kind of comfort for the answer that was to come.
"I don't. I thought I might after all the anxiety I felt at first, which was why I pushed you away in the first place. But I think it was more me being anxious about reliving everything I went through with her, all the nightmares, all the secrecy, you know. I was scared of it all. I obviously realized it too late for me to actually do something about it, sadly. It should have been my first instinct to think about why I felt that way and I know that now." He sighed, one hand in his hair as the other held the steering wheel. "Also, when I told Voight I didn't want to be partners with her, he told me I had to or else I'd lose my job. I didn't know how you'd react and I was nervous to find out as well. I know it was dumb to overthink everything and I didn't even have a good reason to be so scared but I want you to know that I really am sorry and I did work on it so I could be better at communicating." As he finished up, he parked in his driveway and got out of the car. I followed his lead and we walked up to our/his apartment, still in silence.
I believed him. I believed every single thing he told me. Every single nerves in my body wanted to take him back and feel him. I felt myself give in, just like that. Deep inside, I always knew he wasn't playing me but I couldn't stay with him whilst he figured it out. I wanted him to find out by himself if he really loved me. I wanted him back, no doubts.
So as he closed the door, I pushed him up against it and kissed him with everything I had.
