In which their lives go on.
BOOK 1 : UNDERCOVER
BOOK 2 : DETECTIVES
TITLE USED TO BE : LAST FIRST KISS.
Highest rankings: #1- jayhalstead, #1 - halstead, #2 - jesseleesoffer, #2- chicagopd
Finished - December 2020
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Amelia
Rain poured down the bullpen windows and wind knocked on them as I watched, unable to concentrate much. My eyes followed the drops when they rolled down the window, bumping into each other and making one. I observed them for a while, like I was watching something really interesting until voices made me snap out of my trance.
"Amelia? Wanna go on a coffee run?" Hailey asked me, lightly touching my arm to bring me back to reality. She offered me a sad smile, knowing the exact reason I was so distracted. To be fair, I was extremely lucky that the last couple of days had not been very busy ones up in the bullpen, because I was definitely not in the right state of mind for huge cases.
I nodded at her and followed her out of the bullpen after I grabbed my coat and watched as Jay frowned when he saw me leave. He didn't say anything once he noticed that I was following Hailey, knowing he had no reason to be worried. We walked out and got into her car, driving slowly in direction of the nearest coffee place. I knew she was holding back from asking how I was doing but I didn't say anything.
We arrived at the coffee shot and we both walked out to grab everyone's orders. We payed half each and went back to her car, trays of drinks in our hands. We stayed silent as Hailey started the car but after a few seconds she sighed.
"Are you going to tell me how you're feeling?" She asked, looking in front of her at the road. I rolled my eyes and looked outside the window.
"Are you going to ask me?" I responded, not bothering to look at her.
"I am. How are you feeling?" She confidently asked, quickly glancing at me before turning her attention back on the road.
"Honestly?" I asked and she hummed in response, "Like shit. I lost, well even kind of killed, my only chance at having a kid before I even knew I had it, it's fucking shit. I feel like complete shit." I harshly said, not stumbling over my words for a second.
"I understand that this might be how you see it, Amelia, but you gotta listen to me right now. You got pregnant once and I am sure you will get to again. Take it as the sign that's telling you to keep trying. And you did not kill it, okay? You couldn't have known! You weren't even showing symptoms the week before, you had no way of knowing you were pregnant. Especially when you thought you were never going to. And please, for the love of God, stop thinking that you are alone in this. You are not alone in this mourning stade, Jay is mourning as well. I know you are not completely pushing him away but you are not being completely open to him either. You two need to work it out together. This is a loss you are both going through and it's not going to get better if you don't help each other out. It sucks, yes, and I can't even begin to imagine what it must have felt like for you. But I know that none of it was your fault and you don't deserve to make yourself pay the price." Hailey spoke up as she drove up to the district, parking her car and turning the engine off but neither of us got out.
I thought long and hard about what she said and decided that she was right. What happened must have happened for a reason and I didn't deserve to pay for it when it wasn't my fault. If I really wanted a kid then I could always try again and if it didn't work then I'd figure something out. It was not my fault. I knew it was going to be a work in progress, I wouldn't instantly forgive myself. But I owed it to myself to at least work on it and I owed it to Jay too. He had stayed by my side this whole week after the procedure, never leaving me alone if I didn't feel well and never pressuring me into talking about it. Not once did he make me feel bad about it and not once did he change how he acted around me and that meant more than he could ever know.
"I'll book an appointment with Dr. Charles." I told her and she simply nodded, my answer being enough for her. She gripped her car handle and looked back at me.
"I'm proud of you and of everything you've achieved ever since we found you." I smiled at her gratefully.
"Thank you, Hailey. Seriously, for everything." We got out of the car and quickly made our way back to the bullpen since it was still raining. We gave everyone their coffees and I felt much, much lighter. Like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I was able to concentrate again. It felt good and I think my coworkers noticed because the ambiance in the room got much more fun and light. They were smiling, laughing and joking. It felt like nothing ever happened.
The best thing of it all was when my eyes caught Jay's looking directly at me. We didn't look away, there was no need to. All of his features light up at the sight of a smile on my lips as he brought his coffee cup to his lips, taking a sip out of his favorite drink. He winked in my direction, mouthing the three little words I knew I would never get tired of hearing when they came out from his lips. I mouthed them back before we looked away and back to our computers. I took the opportunity to text Dr Charles for an appointment, not wanting to forget about it.
I had a chance to make it right and maybe not completely move on but at least learn to live with it and eventually accept it. I had to take that chance. I deserved to be happy and so did Jay. Right then and there, I knew that we would have to work hard to get the happiness we needed, but we would get it one day because we deserved it. We would be okay and happy.
____________________ This sounds like the end but it isnt I just needed a good ending after all the crap I put you through!
Soooo she's slowly but surely recovering from everything that's happened. It won't be easy but they'll get through it, riiiight?
