In which their lives go on.
BOOK 1 : UNDERCOVER
BOOK 2 : DETECTIVES
TITLE USED TO BE : LAST FIRST KISS.
Highest rankings: #1- jayhalstead, #1 - halstead, #2 - jesseleesoffer, #2- chicagopd
Finished - December 2020
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Amelia
Waking up alone in my cold bedroom felt odd. It wasn't the first time Jay and I had a falling out, unfortunately, but this time it felt even more odd than any other time. This time, I felt like that was it - like I really just lost the love of my life. It was quite ironic too, I met him when we were undercover and I lost him because of him going undercover. I didn't really appreciate the irony though, it felt like life was just laughing in my face at this point.
Getting ready was probably the hardest. I didn't have the heart to take off my wedding ring so I kept glancing at it and remembering every good memory Jay and I had. The ring was bright and shiny so forgetting about it and looking elsewhere was impossible. I kept it and it just kept on hurting me - and I let it.
Driving to work was stressful as well. I knew I was going to see him and had no idea how to act. He was coming to meet with us and then would leave to go back undercover - today was the day we were supposed to make arrests and I wasn't really up for it. I parked my car and walked up the steps to the district. I tried smiling at Platt as I passed her at the front desk but I could tell she saw right through me- she didn't say anything though. I got the door to the bullpen unlocked and walked upstairs. I was met with Hailey, who gave me a hug before telling me to follow her to Voight's office. No one else was here yet, which surprised me but I didn't have much time to think about it before Hailey sat me down in Voight's office.
"Jay has to be pulled out from undercover." Hailey simply spoke, basically ordering Voight to do it. My eyes widened as I stared at her in surprise but I didn't speak.
"Why?" Voight asked, definitely interested as he leaned forward on his desk and waiting for Hailey to keep going, and she did not disappoint.
"He's losing it. He's having nightmares again, Ruzek caught him sleeping here and woke him in a middle of a nightmare - Sarge, he almost hit him because he got startled. He's drinking and doing drugs - whilst undercover - without mentioning that he's getting involved with Vega's sister." She spoke truthfully, her voice laced with concern. I knew she meant no harm, in the contrary - she wanted to protect Jay- but her words hurt. They only reminded me of everything that was going wrong.
"So you're thinking we pull him out and let Vega walk?" Voight spoke, his hands up in the hair before he put them back on his desk again. Hailey quickly glanced at me before looking back at Voight.
"Yes."
-
We were back at our desks, waiting for everyone to arrive. I barely looked up from my screen every since we walked out of Voight's office and I knew Hailey was worried. So was I, but for a different reason. Once everyone was in, Voight walked out and called for everyone's attention.
"The case is closed. Jay, you're not going back undercover." Voight announced, making everyone frown - obviously concerned. Hailey held her head high whilst I avoided everyone's stare - it was obvious we were to blame for his sudden decision.
Jay rolled his eyes once he saw Hailey's expression, "Why? We're not even close to having a case against him yet." He didn't look very surprised by this, I guessed he knew it was coming. But he didn't look angry about it either, which eased my worry.
"You're in too deep." Voight answered, knowing he didn't need to say more because it was quite obvious to everyone, "We let him walk, he'll end up getting caught anyway." The explanation was short and it didn't leave any place for questions. He told us all to go back to our paperwork whilst he'd make sure the case was closed the right way and that all ties between Ryan and them would be cut properly.
I went to the break room after a while of working on paperwork, feeling like grabbing something to drink. I automatically headed straight to the coffee machine without even thinking twice about it. As I started pouring it, I put it back down and sighed so heavily that I let out a small groan. I heard chuckles from the door and as I turned around I noticed Jay leaning against the doorframe - a slight smile on his lips.
"I'll take it." He spoke, pointing at the coffee I was halfway through pouring when I had realized that I was pregnant and couldn't actually drink any caffeine. I finished pouring it and put the quantity of milk and sugar he usually used - then handed it to him. I grabbed an empty mug and let the tap water run before filling it.
"Did- uh, did you have something to do with what just happened?" Jay asked, looking down at his mug - obviously avoiding looking at me. He didn't sound angry so I took it as a good sign, he sounded more remorseful- like he was aware of how wrong he had been.
"Not really." I truthfully answered, after all, it was mostly Hailey's doing but I wasn't going to tell him that. He didn't need to know. "But I do think it's for the best. We can live with Luis Vega roaming around our streets." I added, hoping he understood that no one cared about Luis Vega - we cared about Jay's well-being. As much as it hurt to have him in front of me at that specific moment, I'd rather have him there then over at the Vega's place - screwing himself up.
"It is." He nodded, running his fingers through his hair. Jay sighed before glancing back up at me, "How are you feeling?"
"I'm okay. Not a lot of morning sickness so that's good." I told him and I knew he didn't only mean with the pregnancy - but that was all he had to know for now. He nodded, licking his bottom lip slowly before taking a slight step back.
"Call me if you need anything, okay?" He spoke quietly before stepping out of the break room with me following behind him. I didn't feel the need to answer - he knew that I wouldn't call unless there was an emergency, at least not yet. Today hurt too much and I wasn't quite ready to push past it yet. As I sat back down at my desk, I hoped the pain and hurt would go away so that I could heal and see clearly again. Maybe then calling him would be an option, but only time could tell- right?
__________________ Okay so jay's a little less of a dickhead lmao
I'm gonna wrap this up soon i think... i'm trailing it off too much! What do you wanna read about before i close this up?!??
BTW so happy about biden getting elected! I really hope he doesnt disappoint lmao
