In which their lives go on.
BOOK 1 : UNDERCOVER
BOOK 2 : DETECTIVES
TITLE USED TO BE : LAST FIRST KISS.
Highest rankings: #1- jayhalstead, #1 - halstead, #2 - jesseleesoffer, #2- chicagopd
Finished - December 2020
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(Just want to warn you, I did very little research so my medical facts might be wrong.)
Jay
"We need your approval to remove the foetus, Detective Halstead." I froze at his words, unable to think or even speak.
"My approval? This is not a decision I should make by myself." I scoffed lightly, "This is Amelia and I's decision. Can't you get her to be awake before getting her in surgery?" I tried and I was pretty sure my whole face was extremely pale.
"We could always wait for the gas to fade in her system so she can wake up. But that could cause more damage." The doctor informed me and I rubbed my face, sighing.
"I think we should wait for her to get up." I sighed, "I can't make this decision by myself, Doc. We need to decide together."
"That's all right, sir. We'll wait until she wakes up. But I have to warn you, it is highly possible that in the meanwhile your fiancée miscarries so we would have no choice but to remove the foetus." He informed me and I nodded, understanding the consequences. But I couldn't just tell them to remove and only have her know when she wakes up. She had to know before. She was allowed to know just as much as I was.
So we waited for a few hours, Hailey staying by my side the whole time. She didn't really say anything to me, just stayed with me. I was lost in my thoughts when the doctor walked back in the room so he could discharge me before I went over to Amelia's room. My hand shook as I signed the papers, anxious about everything that was about to happen.
"It'll be fine, Jay." She reassured me, helping me up from the bed.
"You know I hate hospitals, Hailey." I mumbled, sighing loudly. "And now it's even worse. I have to go tell my fiancée that she needs to have an abortion for our miracle baby. It sucks."
"I thought you didn't want a baby?" Hailey asked, probably getting the feeling from me that I was warming up to the thought of having a baby, which wasn't completely false.
"I don't want a baby whilst working in this unit or even as a detective. But if I had chosen any other career path than the one I have now, I would've wanted a few kids." I ran my hand through my hair, my brows drawing together. "At least that's what I thought before I met Amelia. I mean, she's the love of my life and seeing her with Noah has made me warm up to the thought of having kids a lot. She never asked me to change my mind and neither did I ever tell her, but I don't think I would've been able to tell her no. I want us to grow old together with our kids because I know we will protect them no matter what. So yeah, I didn't want children but now I do but I can't tell her that because we're about to lose what is probably our only chance at ever having a kid." We started walking towards Amelia's room and Hailey stayed silent for a few seconds before answering.
"You can always try after that if you two really want children or you can always adopt or anything else." She suggested, speaking lowly.
"I know. But I also know she always wanted to be pregnant and because of everything she went through it's practically impossible for a foetus to survive in her uterus, so it's gonna be hard on her either way."
"But Jay, it's also going to be hard for you. So be there for her, support her, but don't forget about yourself. Be careful." She spoke, offering me a half-smile when we got to Amelia's room. "Go, I'll wait out here."
"Would you mind finding Will and Nat for me?" I wanted to talk to them about it all, like a second opinion. She nodded at me and walked away when I walked inside the room.
Amelia looked up from where she was sitting, "Hi," She croaked out, her voice weak and low.
"Hi baby." I answered, sitting down besides her and I held her hand in mine gently. "Listen, I have to talk to you about something."
"What is it? What's wrong?" I guess I wasn't so good at hiding my worried expression because she immediately sensed it and tensed up.
"The doctor came to my room earlier to ask me to make a medical decision about you and I asked him to wake you up because I just- I can't make this decision without you." I sighed, holding my head in between my head. She listened intently, waiting for me to talk. "You are a month pregnant, baby."
Her whole face lit up and it instantly broke my heart. I couldn't speak because she cut me off, "I-I thought I couldn't? I mean, it's great right? It's our miracle, Jay! It's-"
"Baby, wait. That's not all." I sighed sadly, "Because of all the gas you inhaled, the foetus suffered from intracranial hemorrhage. Since you're only a month in, the baby could survive but the odds are pretty against that. It's chances of survival are pretty low and if it survived, you could either miscarry or it could be born with severe anemia and potentially develop a neurodevelopmental delay." I explained to her everything I understood from my talks with the doctor.
"So either way our baby is screwed because I can't care for it properly?" She sadly asked, looking down at our hands. Amelia tried to take her hand away but I tightened my grip on her, I wasn't ever going to let her go again.
"No, no, no. Don't you dare blaming this on yourself. None of this, and I mean it, none of this is your fault. You deserve to have everything you want, especially a baby and I will do everything I can to make it happen to you. But baby, I really don't think that this time is the right time for us." I reasoned, watching as tears welled up in her eyes.
"You think we should have an abortion?" She asked, her voice so low that I barely heard her.
"I think we should. If we don't, this could be just as dangerous for you." I answered truthfully, repeating what the doctor had told me.
"I want a baby, Jay. This could be my only chance." She cried, tears falling from her beautiful dark eyes. I pushed away the hair that had fallen on her forehead and cupped her cheeks in between my hands.
"I know, I know you do, Amelia. But if we do this, your life is at risk. If we do this, we gotta do it right because I can't do this on my own. I'm going to need you, our kid is going to need you. I know you want to be pregnant and carry our child, but it is highly possible that it just won't be our reality. We have to find another way, this baby could die or it could live but it will never be healthy. The other option is that you won't survive. I'm not doing this alone, baby. I need you and so will our kid." I spoke softly and she sobbed, looking down at her hands.
"I can't believe we've come to this. If I hadn't been locked in that room, the baby could've been healthy?" She asked me, wiping her tears but they just kept falling.
"It's a possibility. But we could've lost it at any time." I told her, "Would you like to speak with a doctor?" She nodded and I kissed her forehead, telling her I loved her before I went and called the doctor.
_______________________ I feel horrible I'm so sorry for writing this lmao
