In which their lives go on.
BOOK 1 : UNDERCOVER
BOOK 2 : DETECTIVES
TITLE USED TO BE : LAST FIRST KISS.
Highest rankings: #1- jayhalstead, #1 - halstead, #2 - jesseleesoffer, #2- chicagopd
Finished - December 2020
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(Okay but Jay's face in this makes me laugh a lot)
Amelia
"Do you want something to drink?" Jay asked me after a while of him massaging my feet whilst we watched a movie.
"Mh, no thanks." I smiled at him and he nodded, looking back at the television. "Are we still finishing up planning for the wedding this weekend?" I asked him, observing him as he turned his face to look at me. He lips curved into a smile.
"Yeah, of course." We had spoken about postponing the planning for a weekend because of everything that happened last week but I had been feeling better after a session with Dr Charles so I didn't see the point in waiting.
Jay massaged my calves as I rested my head back on the couch's arm and watched the movie. I could feel Jay's gaze on me and I knew he wasn't just casually gazing at me, he was trying to figure me out. We hadn't spoken much about the baby since we came back from the hospital and I knew it wasn't fair to him. He deserved to be heard as well. So instead of ignoring him like I would usually do, I turned to him and showed him a soft smile.
"What's on your mind, handsome?" I asked him, sitting up so I could put my hands on his. Jay licked his lips, hesitating for a few seconds. "You can tell me." I pushed gently.
"How are you feeling? Like, really." He blurted out, but looked like he had a weight taken off his shoulders afterwards. For the past week, he had refrained from asking and I knew he was itching to.
"Honeslty? I'm still crippling with guilt and sadness. But I'm getting better, I'm realizing that this wasn't my fault and I shouldn't be holding it against me when even you aren't. So I'm not exactly okay, but I'm getting there baby." I told him, smiling softly. "How are you?"
"Well, now that I know how you really feel I'm much better. I'm sad that you had to go through all of this and I feel guilty about it all too. I mean, I thought that I helped save you from all the bad things in the world when I helped you get out from the undercover gig but they just keep on happening to you. I hate it, I hate that I can't just make them stop for you. You deserve happiness and I just can't seem to be able to make it happen for you. So yeah, sadness and guilt too." He admitted and my heart crushed at his words. I had no idea he felt so responsible of everything that was happening to me. I didn't like that he felt that way because none of this was his fault. I sat on my knees besides him and gently cupped his cheeks with my hands so I could kiss him. Once we pulled away, I held his face so he'd keep looking at me.
"Jay Halstead, you need to stop taking responsibility for my happiness. Only your presence by my side is enough to make me feel like I'm floating on cloud nine. Maybe it's true, maybe bad things really do keep on happening to me but it is not your fault at all. If anything, you're the one that makes me get through them. You're the one who helps me get out stronger each time. You are my greatest weakness and my biggest strength, Jay Halstead. You make the bad things easier." I softly told him, still holding his face. I showed him a tight smile before adding, "What about you and I both go to Dr Charles? Maybe working on this together would make it easier?" I suggested, straddling his lap. Jay looked up at me, tears filling his eyes but he didn't let any fall out.
"Yeah, yeah I'd like that baby." He agreed, smiling as he grabbed my face to pull me closer. He kissed me softly before letting go, "I am so glad I got you as my wife."
"Soon-to-be wife, Halstead. Don't get ahead of yourself." I joked and he chuckled, shaking his head at me.
"You're impossible."
"I know, that's one of the many reasons why you love me, isn't it?" I smirked at him and he nodded, telling me that it was. "Jay, can I ask you something?"
"Yeah?" He tilted his head to the side, observing my face as his fingers discovered every single inch of my face.
"Once this is all over and we're back to being alright, will you want to start a family? Or at least consider it?" We stayed silent for a while, as if weighing the words I had just spoken out loud. For a moment, I regretted even thinking them. Was it too soon? After all, this whole thing had made me feel many different things and now that I knew I was able to somehow get pregnant, it made me want to built my own family. I had put a cross on it before because I thought there was no way I'd be able to. Now that I knew that wasn't true, it changed everything for me. But I wasn't so sure it changed everything for Jay. He didn't want kids, at least not whilst we both worked as detectives. He wasn't so sure about it, not like I now secretly was. Sometimes he wanted a family of his own, but other times I was enough for him. I felt like I was at a point where a family was what I needed, no matter what career I went after.
"I'm not sure baby. I want to tell you that I want a baby, I really do. But you know that I don't want to put our kids in danger because of our jobs. I am considering it, believe me I really am. I have been considering it since I found that pregnancy test in your purse. But I've seen Antonio's kids get abducted and hurt and I don't know if I could ever go through that." He shook his head as he looked down in between us. I put my hands on his shoulders and rubbed them gently. Jay looked back up at me and added, "Plus, the doctors told us that a pregnancy could be extremely dangerous for you. You could not make it out alive, baby. I can't- I don't want to risk that. No way I could live with that." His eyes were still full of tears, but he looked at me with so many emotions that I was left speechless. I nodded at him, really not knowing what to say. He was right, he was completely rational and I couldn't argue with that.
"Okay," I simply answered, smiling at him. "You won't lose me, baby. I love you and I'm here to stay." I reassured him and he kissed me, deepening the kiss quickly.
I shivered in pleasure as his hands rubbed my thighs, going up and down slowly. His lips moved against mine passionately as I felt him shift under me, getting up gently. He held me up against him and I wrapped my arms around his neck, letting him carry me to our bedroom. I gasped as he gently threw me on the bed, making sure I landed correctly before he hovered over me. Jay looked at me with soft eyes, smiling before leaning in again to kiss me.
He was so gentle and careful that I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming amount of butterflies in my stomach. We took our sweet time to discover and touch every inch of each other's body like it was the first and last time. I love you's thrown in the air as we kissed and made love to each other, forgetting about the world outside.
___________________________ Hope you liked it! I feel like I'm dragging on this story too much... What do you think?
