New Beginnings: A Hessa Story (2)

Chapter 5: Hardin

Holy shit. My mum is actually pregnant. I'm surprised I kept it together for that long, but I knew that I would lose what little control I had on my emotions, especially watching all of those home movies from my childhood. I don't remember much of my life ever being like that, happy. I don't remember much of my mother and Ken having a good marriage and being in love. I don't remember much of playing with other children... it was all before my father left. All the good memories that I've blocked out of my mind were before that dreadful night my mother was assaulted. I wonder if there's more of those home movies, I should ask my mum.

I'm not crying, thank god, but I'm feeling a shit ton of emotions inside. I am happy for my mum, I really am, but I am also overwhelmed. I can't believe she is pregnant at the same time that Tessa is, meaning I'm gonna have a new sibling and a child within the next year. I cannot believe I ever felt like I was alone, when now I have too many people in my life to even keep track of. Let's see if I can name them all...

My mum, Mike, Ken, Karen, Landon, Nora, Abby, Addy, Vance, Kim, Smith, Grace, my mum's baby, and of course Tessa and our child. That's a whole fucking mouthful of people.

I hear laughter coming from the other room, and I just know my mum is telling Tessa a whole bunch of stories about when I was a child. Tessa loves that shit. I only tolerated watching those home movies because I love watching Tessa react to it. Of course, she was crying throughout the whole thing, especially when I was running around in my tiny superhero costume. Though, I can't deny the tiny bit of interest I had in watching them.

Watching the video of my high school graduation was rough. I was drunk off my ass before I got there, and I can almost guarantee that the teachers could smell it on my breath. I didn't want to walk, but my mum forced me to. I only did it for her, just so she could be proud of her disappointment of a son for a total of five seconds while I got my fucking diploma.

"Hardin? Are you almost ready?" My mum knocks on the door.

"Yeah. One second." I go to my drawer and take out one of my older books that are so worn down, I don't leave it out for people to see. In one of them, I keep a picture, the only picture that I have of me, my mum and Ken. I was probably three years old, and it was at my birthday party. I have cake all over my face and the biggest smile. We seemed so happy at one point, but it's just crazy how things can change so quickly. No one, not even Tessa, knows that I have this picture, and have had it ever since I came to America. I remember taking it out of this scrapbook my mum had before I got on that plane.

"Hardin! Sorry, but it's gonna get dark soon!" My mum knocks again, louder this time.

"Okay, okay!" I shove the photo back into the book, and place it back in my drawer.

-

"Where do you recommend we go, Hardin? I want to see the Empire State Building, or walk the High Line, or go to the MoMA." My mum asks me as I drive her and Mike to the subway station.

"I don't know... I took Tessa to Rockefeller Center to see the Christmas Tree. She loved it."

"Oh, what a great idea!" She smiles. "There are just too many places this city offers, it's impossible to visit them all in such a short visit."

"Yeah... I still haven't even visited half of them."

"I never imagined you as a New York City boy."

"I never imagined myself either." I admit truthfully. I knew exactly where I wanted to live after I graduated... England. I could not imagine myself even spending a day more in America then I needed to, but everything changed for me.

As we arrive at the subway station, my mum asks if she can speak with me privately.

"I'll wait out here." Mike says as he gets out the car. Once Mike is out, she begins to speak.