Persphyni : I am Darkness

49

"Via we are almost there, just a little longer and you can rest." She nodded exhausted as we managed to reach the camp before the others. I had taken a different direction, the terrain more flat making it easier to sprint.

"Damnit!" I yelled as I finally allowed it to sink in that peace wasn't an option now. I started to the wall when the rest of the group came into view. Their breathing and footsteps heavy.

"You got something to say?" I turned around to see Finn pointing a finger at Clarke.

"Yeah, I told you no guns!"

"I told you we couldn't trust the grounders. I was right." Clarke yelled right back at Finn.

"Why didn't you tell me what you were up to?" Raven yelled right after Clarke.

"I tried but you were too busy making bullets for your gun!" Finn shouted back, his voice slightly calmer than his previous uproar.

"You're lucky she brought that!" Bellamy interrupted. I was so sick of this. That one attempt at peace divided us and I was so sick. "They came there to kill you, Finn."

"You don't know that! Jasper fired the first shot!" I stalked towards the group, my anger rising as they continued to yell at each other.

"You ruined everything." Octavia had regained her breathing, her voice calm as she directed her words towards Jasper.

"I saved you!"

"Enough!" I let Octavia walk past me as I got in front of the group who was giving me a headache.

"Jasper, Raven, go check the bullets. Finn, go take a hike to the water and cool the hell down. Clarke, Bellamy, stay here." No one moved as I spoke calmly. "Now." I dropped my tone to a dangerous one as I held back my rage. Jasper and Raven hesitated a moment longer, but went reluctantly. Finn looked me in the eyes and had a stare off with me.

"Collins, get out of my sight before I find a use for you." Finn's face dropped but he walked away reluctantly.

I was still simmering as I fought to control my anger. My two co-leaders stayed quiet as they looked between each other trying to mentally communicate.

"Look, I'm angry, so don't fucking talk." I held my hand up to both of them when they went to open their mouths. "Clarke, thank you for bringing Bellamy as back up. Bellamy, thank you for making that shot. But seriously! Pull your heads out of your asses! We have to be an undivided front, and I can't do that if you two are screaming at everyone. I get it, you didn't start it, but you need to be the ones who finish it." I lectured.

"Leaders have to lead by example, this is not the example we need to be setting. Now both of you get out of my damn sight, and get next watch going." They seemed hesitant, but my glare to both of them got them to move. I know they wanted to talk to me, they wanted to validate themselves but I wasn't going to let them and they knew that.

"Like I said, best Unity Day ever." They walked passed me when they stopped. I looked up to the sky where the small explosion had sounded, and judging by Bellamy's remark he saw it too.

"The exodus ship? Your parents are early." I followed the beaming purple light, the thought of finally meeting my father cooled part of the raging anger inside of me.

The purple light went out, which is when the parachutes were supposed to deploy. The ship was racing towards earth, and nothing was stopping it. I felt my knees go weak as I caught myself on a tree nearby. The ship was going to crash. The ship with my father, the only last remaining family member I had, was going to crash.

"Wait. Too fast. No parachute?" I couldn't hear Clarke as my heart pounded in my chest. "Somethings wrong."

My knees gave out and I held on tightly to one of the branches as the ship hit the ground. A large fiery explosion following the collision.

I could faintly hear Clarke falling to the ground as I stared unblinking at the large dark grey cloud. I couldn't speak, I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe. I was drowning in the abyss of darkness. And I was being weak.

I took in a breath, looking back into the night sky as the cloud met the air and seemingly vanished, turning around not looking at Bellamy or Clarke and headed back inside to camp.

I didn't bother stopping, or doing anything. I hadn't eaten since breakfast, and I hadn't drank water since before we left. But I didn't need to. What I needed to do was not be weak.

How twisted and cruel life is, a beautiful lie that everyone wishes to be told. But the horrible truth is the end, death. That is why people fear it, why they fear me.

And how telling the Fates are. They wanted this. This is what they want me to become. Persphyni Atlys, Bringer of Death and Bearer of the World. The orphan once again.

I walked straight to my tent. Grabbing my gun and straight back out. I walked towards one of the small exit holes in the wall I had made for this exact purpose, stepping quietly and quickly as I took off towards the waterfall I had found the other day. The clearing would be large enough for me to get my anger out.

I ran the entire way, I didn't stop, I didn't slow, I ran and ran going faster than before. Hoping, no, commanding my feet find grip and propel me forward. I would hope no longer. It was time for me to command and demand what I wanted.

I was angry. The only word to describe my emotion as I ripped my leather jacket off and threw my gun on top of it. My boots and socks soon meeting the pile. The moon shining too perfectly on the clearing only infuriating me more. I tore my sheath and set it down in my boot as I moved my gun into the other one.

I stood up and breathed in the cool air, trying and failing to calm down. Gripping my toes in the soft grass. I looked up to the sky, images of the dark grey cloud filled my head as I screamed in rage.

The yell so loud and angry that I know I woke animals from their slumber, but I didn't care. I was alone. I've been alone. And I was stupid to think otherwise.

I fell to my knees, clawing the grass as I fought back tears. My anger getting the best of me as I struggled. I fought invisible claws as I strangled the cries.

I was alone. I've been alone. And I was stupid to think otherwise.

I screamed one more time. The noise cracking at the end as I finally let the first tear slip out. I couldn't do anything as the next followed, then another after that, until I was crying.

My tears hot as I let them all out. At some point I had started laughing. My anger dissipating as I laughed.

I was foolish to believe I was anything but who I am. I'm no leader, no friend, no peacemaker, I wasn't a daughter.

I was the darkness.

I was alone. A lonely star, and there was no one out there.