Worth It

(31) If I Were A Boy

If I Were A Boy by: Beyoncé is the song up above. I don't own the song or the video, but by the name of this chapter, you can see that it goes. :) I didn't have my WIFI from Friday to the afternoon of today. So, I would have updated sooner, but I couldn't because we had a leak downstairs. So, we got a new carpet and in order to do some of that stuff, we had to shut off our internet and couldn't get it back till today. I haven't been without the internet since I was about eleven-ish years old, so this was an experience! I've concluded that I can survive without it, if not for my schoolwork which completely online. So, now I am really behind. So, that's a little stressful, but I'll email them and (fingers crossed) they'll (hopefully) understand. The internet from the school isn't the best and so, that already affect my deadlines! I'm just glad I have my music back because I love blasting it, so I don't have to listen to my parents arguing or play-fighting. Anyway, this chapter is super short, but I think it is needed for the progression of the story. Once again, this story is told completely from our crazy Jo. She isn't as devious in this chapter. So, don't worry! She is consoling Noelle. Happy reading! I hope ya'll enjoy! Vote and comment, 'cause you know I appreciate it!! <3 <3 :)

Jo

At this moment with Noelle pouring her heart out to me about how much the power her weight -- a mere number -- holds on her moves me.

Seeing this beautiful girl with impeccable style and vibrant colored hair tell me that she wishes she could shrink herself magically into a size two to silence the evil and vile thoughts her weight gives her, makes even me insecure.

Hearing Noelle as she tells me all about how her family despises her weight and guys never want to take her out on a simple date and how she shoves her beautifully manicured hands down her throat between all the meals she consumes makes me wish to be a boy.

A boy can wear whatever he wants (wrinkled or unwrinkled. Mismatched or not. Suit and tie or trunks and a t-shirt) and boys won't comment on it. They won't bully him for not looking his best.

When a boy is a bit pudgy, that's accepted because boys are supposed to be big. Girl's should be delicate and dainty. Not weigh more than the guy.

When boys have sex they get high fives, but when girls have sex they get called a whore.

When boys don't have sex all is well, but when girls don't open their legs for the first boy who offers himself up they get called a prude.

I am not transgender, but in this moment while holding a crying Noelle in my arms I can see how much easier it is to be a boy in this world that is ripe with promise.

Right now, I don't feel any of the world's promises.

Right now, I just feel empty.

But still, I do what I have to do.

I grab onto Noelle's shoulders and hold her in front of me. Her eyes grow wide at the intensity of my stare.

"You are a strong girl, Noelle." I tell her as seriously as I can muster. "You can't let people's words swallow up the girl you are inside." I touch my hand to the left side of her chest where her heart is. "Listen to this heart that beats inside this chest because it will never steer you wrong." I wipe away the tears that keep on falling from her eyes with my thumb.

"You are bigger than this." I say. "You will get through this because you are more than petty words from people who don't understand how strong this heart that beats inside this chest really is."

Noelle takes deep breaths and finally stops crying. Her expression growing fonder, lighter with the weight of my words as they give her the power that she needs to feel free.

She takes my hand from off her chest and interlocks it within her own hand. "Thank you." She says.

"I needed to hear that more than you'll ever truly know." She gives me a small smile that reaches her beautifully brown eyes that are as light as hazelnuts and as warm as the sun.

"Anytime." I answer her, as I feel my lips turn upwards to match her expression and I feel sane.

Saner than I've ever felt with anyone in my whole life as my heart starts to beat faster and my breath starts to move quicker and I start to wonder: 'what just happened, here?'