Worth It

(39) Twists That Twist Up Your Insides

"I'm here." I confirm again for Jo's benefit.

"Okay. So, does that mean I don't have to stick this needle up your butt?" Ms. Saco asks with this huge needle in her right hand with the needle sticking out.

"Yes!" Jo answers for me, looking at Ms. Saco like she has a second head. "There will be no sticking of needles in said butts. Not with my best friend, you don't." And then Jo looks at me with this fond expression, almost like a mama-bear and I oddly find comfort in it.

And also, should I be worried about being known as my crazy roommate's best friend? Probably. It'll be fine... I'm sure.

"Don't you have a degree in non-medical things?" Jo questions as Ms. Saco finally puts the wretched needle away.

"Yes." Ms. Saco nods. "But nurse Mary has been out a little longer than we thought she was going to be out for and I'm actually starting to like it. I mean, you just pretend you're going to shove a big needle up students' butts and suddenly they are out of here before you can say fire." Ms. Saco explains. "I've had so much downtime lately. I've been able to paint my nails!" She gestures to her rose-gold nails. "And I never have time to paint my nails. Not since my baby, Charlotte came into the picture and my off-again suddenly on-again boyfriend who also happens to be my baby's daddy."

Jo and I share a look like 'you think your life is complicated.'

"Oh! Speak of the devil!" She gestures to the door where someone comes in. "I was just talking about you!" Ms. Saco grins and dread sinks in as I see him again.

He closes the door and walks in with a little brown baggy for Ms. Saco. I thought he was married to Constance. Their over? He has a kid? The fuck?

"Aww!" She takes the brown bag from his hands and they hug. He kisses her on the cheek and while Ms. Saco's back is to me, his brown eyes flicker to me and they have that same old sadistic gleam that they had in them all those years ago.

He may have a baby and an on again / off again (currently on again) girlfriend and a maybe wife, but that has changed nothing because at the end of the day, he's still the same Dean.

And I want this time to be different. I want so badly not to be the same Zara I was two years ago, but you know what they say, old habits die hard.

Jo squeezes my hand and I look at her and she smiles at me. At least I know I have a crazy person on my side. Maybe she can out crazy Dean and I'll be okay.

Or maybe, I'll fall back into his cat and mouse game again.

Who's to say? One thing I can say? Shit's about to get real here and that statement is probably down playing it.