Worth It

(42) Why Don't You Love Me

Beyoncé - Why Don't You Love Me is what the song is called above. I think that this song describes Zara's pain. She feels that what happened is somehow her fault and that's oftentimes how the person who was wronged feels like. I wrote victim down here, but victim didn't feel like a the right word to describe Zara here. Victim means that you are powerless against someone else and at the time she was and I think she still feels that she is powerless against Dean because Dean is older, richer, white and a male. He is everything America wishes in someone. Zara isn't powerless towards Dean, but she feels that she is and since she feels that she has no power, she doesn't.  Zara feels that she didn't please Dean enough. That she deserved to be 'punished' and when Dean has told her her whole life that she deserved to be punished, it is hard to tell Zara that what she was told was wrong, since she's been told this for a longtime. It's hard to re-route that kind of thinking and so, try to have this in mind when you read this chapter. 

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS THINGS THAT MAY BE UNSUITABLE TO CERTAIN READERS! READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!

This chapter is told completely from Jo's perspective. Like and comment please because I appreciate it!!

Jo

"Was that weird how Dean left so hastily after that young blonde girl?" Ms. Saco asks while pretending to look at her rose gold nails. I have to hand it to her. Although she picked a terrible man to be with (which is probably my fault that they are back together), she has great taste in nail polish. I have to ask her where she gets her nails done. You know, when my friend isn't in possible danger and I don't feel the guilt of leading her to believe her last boyfriend was a predator and leading her into the arms of someone Zara clearly doesn't like.

Which is obviously an understatement.

"You tell me. He's your boyfriend and the father of your child." Ouch! Why am I such a bitch to people I've wronged? I should be nice to those people. I clearly owe them!

How do I tell her that the guy she's dating might be bad news? Something tells me that she already has an inkling of that. Probably why she broke up with him so many times.

Why is she still with him then? Ugh! Why do I have to be such a manipulative bitch all the time?

"I've gotta go." I tell Ms. Saco as I turn the doorknob and run to my room.

I text Cameron because something tells me he'd want to know about this.

A man in his early forties - can't remember his name - showed up as a new math teacher. Zara puked when she saw him. I went to the nurse's office with her and he showed up. She ran away and he seemed to run after her. Do you know anything about this? How worried should I be?

Just as I am about to hit the send button, I feel a hand on my mouth start to pull me away just as I get to my room.

And then I start to feel something cold on my throat.

"Now here's what you are going to do." The voice whispers. I can't make out who the person is. Their hand on my mouth is forcing me to look straight ahead.

The person is whispering, so I can't make out what gender they are. I feel my heart pounding faster than it ever has before.

There is a knife on my throat. That's all I can think of at this moment.

There is a knife pressed to my throat.