Worth It

(30) Not Broken -- Yet

Zara

It's official. My leg isn't broken. Just sprained. So, there's that.

At least I got to pick the color of the cast. I chose green. I feel like green is rarely ever chosen, like me. It's the color people often shun because it isn't as pretty as say, pink or blue.

But, it's not like green can help what color it is and green has a lot more to offer than just its color.

Okay, that's not true because all green is is a color. Ugh! These pain killers are really messing with my brain.

Finn drove me back to campus which was nice. Figuring out how to work these crutches is some hard stuff, but the doctor did say that it should heal in about three weeks, but in the meantime that means no dancing.

When I do finally figure out how to get out of Finn's car in my new predicament, Finn helps me situate my crutches. "You didn't have to do all this, you know?" I tell Finn just so he knows that I don't expect anything from him. He's not indebted to me or anything like that.

Finn shrugs. "It's okay. I wanted to." Uh-oh! This kind of behavior can only mean one thing.

"I'm not going to have sex with you." I blurt out.

Finn's eyes grow wide and before I can try and explain myself, I see him.

Cameron Moore.

And by the looks of it, he sees me too because his eyes seem to cloud over with concern and then when I see him start to walk towards me I get kind of nervous and so, I do something really stupid.

Unbelievably and impulsively stupid.

I kiss Finn.

After just telling him that I wasn't going to have sex with him.

Yep. I really wish I wasn't doing this. It takes a second for Finn to realize what I'm doing, but once he does he really puts his all into it. Tongue. Hands on my waist. All the fixings and all I can think as I kiss Finn Conroy is that I'd rather be kissing Cameron and then I really hate that I'm thinking that thought. So, I force myself to really be in the kiss, after of course registering Cameron's reaction to me kissing Finn.

His steps faltered and I saw his whole demeanor shift into one of rage. His hands curling into fists at his sides and then I see him take out his phone to my surprise.

Which makes me end the kiss with Finn. Finn seems out of breath from it. That's nice.

Before either of us can say anything, my phone rings in my pocket.

Cameron.

Of course. "Just a second." I say to Finn and he nods. I step a little away from Finn, trying not to trip and fall with my crutches.

I look over to see Cameron is nowhere to be seen. "Yes?" I answer hesitatingly.

"You want to try and do this BDSM relationship, right?" He asks, immediately.

"Hi to you--"

Cameron interrupts me. "Answer with yes, sir or no, sir." Wow. His tone has taken on this stern and serious shift that I'm not used to and I kind of love it.

"Yes, sir." I say, as I check over my shoulder to make sure that Finn isn't paying attention. Which he isn't. He's on his phone.

"And you want me to be on top, right?" He asks in this tone that suggests that he already knows the answer, but still wants one.

"You know I do." I tell him, annoyed that he's asking questions that he already knows the answers to.

"Do I?" He pipes up. "Because you keep contradicting that. You're not going to push me away. You can try all you want, but you've gotten under my skin so much that being away from you isn't a choice anymore. So, the next time that you disregard something that I say there will be consequences. Leg injury or no injury. Got it?"

"Got it." I repeat.

"Got it, sir." He hisses, clearly annoyed at having to repeat himself for me.

"Got it, sir." I repeat. For some reason, I have this instinct to not disappoint him. To be good for him. Why do I hate that so much?

"Good. Now, as soon as you dump the loser, come and meet me at Pasty-skin's deserted dungeon."

"You mean, Dean?" I ask, confused.

"Dean. Pasty skin. It's one and the same. You know what I mean." He huffs out and I let out a tiny chuckle.

"I do. I'll see you as soon as I can." I tell him.

"See that you do because I don't like waiting." I bet he doesn't.

I hang up and make some excuse with Finn as to why I have to run and then I get into my new red Ford pick-up truck and head over to see Cameron. Knowing that I need this more than ever and wishing that I didn't.

Jo

Someone knocks on my dorm and thinking that it's Zara and she just forgot the key, I yell out that it's open.

But it's not Zara unless Zara dyed her hair violet in the past few hours or so.

"Hey, Noelle." I say in the guilty, I-slapped-you-recently, tone of voice. I've been meaning to apologize to her actually. So, this is perfect. I just hope she hasn't come here to get back at me or anything.

"Hey." She says timidly. "Can I come in?" I nod.

She closes the door and steps further into my room.

"I'm sorry that I didn't come to the dance rehearsal." I gulp, feeling even guiltier that she thinks she has anything to be sorry for.

"No. I'm the one who should be sorry." I correct her. "I shouldn't have slapped you. I was going through a lot of things and that slap really had nothing to do with you. You just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and I am truly sorry for that." I put my hands on either side of Noelle's shoulders in a gesture of comfort.

"I felt like I should apologize though because I do have a reason for not going to that meeting."

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Like what?" I ask her in concern.

"Well," She shrugs. "I've been having some body issues lately." I take a deep breath, not really liking where I think this is going.

"Okay." I gesture to my bed. "Tell me everything and start from the beginning." I tell her as we both go to sit on my bed.

I hear Noelle's intake of breath. "It all started a few months ago." She says nervously and I nod to tell her that I'm listening and she continues.

Zara

I take a deep breath as I stand in front of the cabin that Dean had once taken me to.

Now, I'm here to see Cameron. Not Dean.

I know that Cameron is not even remotely like Dean.

I know that Cameron cares about me and won't do anything that I won't want him doing. Plus, with my leg broken, there's not too much we can even do. The doctor told me that I should stay away from sex until it heals. So, there's that.

It's probably for the best that we can't have sex, yet. This injury kind of forces us to get to know our bodies and how they coexist first before jumping head first into something that I'm not even sure I should be allowed to enjoy.

I know that the shoe is going to drop. I do, because it always does. Nothing good stays good in my experience, but until that shoe does drop, I might as well have my fun, right?

So I take a deep breath. Put on my metaphorical big girl panties and enter the cabin where Cameron awaits.