Worth It

(54) Never Again

The Kid LAROI --  FUCK YOU, GOODBYE  ft. Machine Gun Kelly is the song above. Don't own it, but it goes along with the chapter so give it a listen if ya want to.

I thought this song also goes along well with this chapter too. The Pretty Reckless -- 25 is song above that I also don't own, but also goes along with thine chapter!

Vote and comment! Get tissues ready because this chapter is deep. DEEP!! :) Happy reading! Enjoy, peoples! :) <3 <3

THIS CHAPTER IS INTENDED FOR MATURE BEINGS! READ WITH CAUTION, YOU WONDERFUL CREATURES OF THE UNIVERSE!!

Excerpt from Zara's diary

You killed my spirit
Made me fear it
And all that  it was capable of

All I was capable of

You
took
all 
that I was

You
took
all
of me

But

Don't you see

What doesn't kill you
Makes you angry
And that anger
festering inside you

Inside of me

Fuels my need
to be better
And mend all that you broke
Within me

You may have killed my spirit
But you didn't kill me
And that was your mistake

Zara's Point of view (1 hour before Zara runs to Cameron's car)

"What's your plan here?" I ask Dean, feigning what little confidence I can muster while having both my hands and feet tied to a chair. Dean's back is currently to me, focusing on something on the kitchen counter. "You know Cameron will find me." I point out.

"I mean, you couldn't have been more obvious of where you took me." He still doesn't speak to me.

He seems to be turning something with his wrists.

"Your right." He finally answers, turning back to face me with...

Gasoline.

My eyes grow wide. My eyebrows raised.

But, somehow I don't think I'm as shocked as I should be, because maybe I knew all along that this was the end.

I was always going to die this way.

At Dean's mercy.

His sinister smile.

His perfectly polished shoes.

Not a hair out of place. He doesn't have any grey hair, despite his age.

His suit is neatly ironed. Not a wrinkle in place.

No blood on him.

Meanwhile, my golden hair is matted and greased up with blood. Puke is drying on my t-shirt. My mouth still has the remnants of tasting Dianna's vagina. Her juice made me feel so used and pathetic.

And yet, Cameron knew my past. He knew my shame. He knew what I was guilty of and all my shame that I kept inside for the longest time.

And he said he loved me.

He kissed me like he was drowning and only my kiss could save him.

When I looked my worst, he still looked down at me with pure adoration in his eyes. And love. Always love.

Because there is nothing I could do that would make him stay away from me.

Because he loves me.

It took me this very day to realize that that is what love is and will always be. Cameron's love for me was simple and unconditional and fierce like my love for him was and will always be.

Love is unending. Love is the little things. The wanting him near you. To hold you. To kiss you. To talk to him. To want to share every moment with him no matter how silly. To think of him while eating donuts. Remembering how he loves donuts. To think of him while dancing, knowing that he is fueling your rhythm. To smile for no reason at all. Even if everything seems to be going wrong that day. You still have a reason to smile because he is in your life and you have never known anything so pure. So unfiltered. So frustrating. So simple. Loving.

I have never known love like his and even if I never found out his secret and even if I didn't know him long, he quickly became my favorite person.

My reason for wanting to be better.

Because I saw who I was through his eyes.

I saw that he saw all I was. All my imperfections and yet, he still loved me.

He still went after me. Time and time again.

I would deny him and he wouldn't care.

He tried to fight it. I tried to fight it.

But our love was too strong.

And as Dean pours the gasoline all over my pantie clad lap. My legs and thighs with all their scars.

As Dean picks up his lighter.

Flicks it on.

I feel a smile creeping up because I finally realized that Dean may be able to kill me.

That my body may be kill--able.

Scar--able.

Flame--able.

My soul is irreplaceable. One of a kind.

My soul will travel farther than this chair.

Farther than my body burning alive.

It will rise above the sky and watch over the boy I love.

Because although Dean may be able to kill me, he will never kill my soul.