Worth It

(25) Pain

Bad Things by Camila Cabello and Machine Gun Kelly. The song kind of sets the mood for the chapter, although I don't own it or the video of course. We got a new GMC Acadia. I'm not really that excited. I don't know why. Maybe if my parents would have taken my advice and gotten it specially painted a hot pink like I asked, I'd be more excited. I mean, who can resist a hot pink car? Now, that right there would be the ultimate dream! Just sayin'... Also, I'm getting deeper and deeper into the murderous, sweet mind that is Edward Cullen. I fucking love him! He is my ultimate book boyfriend and in book-land, he'd make me his vampire wife and we'd have sweet, vampire babies (before I turn, of course. Otherwise I could die, but I could still die, having a half-vampire baby, but whatever. You get my meaning). This chapter does not feature any steam after all, but I sense that we are heading in that direction. :) Anyway, happy reading! Vote and comment! I'd really appreciate the support! Thank you again for reading thus far!! Hope you enjoy! <3 <3 :)

I don't know why I'm back at the house.

I should be back in my dorm, but Jo might be there and I just can't deal with people right now. I know I shouldn't be at the house where Dean had every intention to beat me, but if he is still there, what would it matter?

He'd be giving me what I needed. I needed the pain. The one year that I was with Dean was the only year that I did not self-harm since the death of my parents.

Whenever I felt the need to hurt myself, I would remember my sessions with Dean and feel the remnant aches he would often leave me with and then, I would forget why I felt the need to self-harm in the first place.

I don't have that anymore.

I don't have him anymore.

But maybe, maybe he was still in the house. Maybe he was waiting for me to come back. I couldn't really explain why I would willingly come back to the place that held such a sadistic man in it, other than some part of me - however small it may be - needed that release that only Dean could give me.

Maybe, this time he would be man enough to finish me off.

And with that last thought, I walked into the lion's den, knowing I shouldn't and knowing I had to at the same time.

Cameron

"What are you doing here?" Zara asked me in an accusatory tone, while I was a bit mesmerized by a particular black instrument. It had multiple tails and was held up by a wooden stick of sorts. I was wondering how something so soft could be used in a harmful manner when Zara's sharp tone made me drop whatever it was called from the shock of being caught.

I cleared my throat and quickly bent down to pick the item that I dropped, up and put it where I found it, when it occurred to me, that I had nothing to hide. If I wanted to kill the fucker, then I damn well could.

The more important question is why would Zara step foot in a place where her tormentor could very well still be in? It didn't make sense. Zara never seemed to make sense to me.

"The more important question is," I turned to face her, while trying to keep my composure in check. "Why are you here?"

Zara

Why was I here? Good question. It was one I could answer of course, but was the answer one that he could understand? Or was it simply too demonic for Cameron to grasp upon?

Instead of voicing my fears allowed, I decided to just change the subject altogether. Shift the attention to him. "Were you just holding a flogger?"