Mileven One-Shots

Flashbacks Pt. 2

(EXTREME TRIGGER WARNING: talk of suicide and PTSD.)

It had been three weeks since El had tried to kill herself. She got out of the hospital, and she was under strict watch at home. Luckily, Hopper was able to stay home to watch her. He hadn't let any of her friends come see her yet.

Mike showed up one day bearing her favorite flowers; azaleas.

"Hey Mike..." Hopper said when he answered the door.

"How's she doing today?" Mike asked. Hop let him step inside and shut the door behind him.

"She's having a rough day today. She won't eat, she's just kind of...staring at the wall. I can't get her to talk. It's been like this since she got out of the hospital. Some days are good and she appears to be doing great, and other days she won't even blink. It's like she's...comatose..." Hopper said. Mike let out a shaky breath and wiped his eyes. He went over to her cracked bedroom door and pushed it open.

"El? It's Mike..." he said. She rolled over and looked at him and then sat up on her bed slowly.

"I uh...I brought you these. Your favorites. Azaleas," he said with a small, awkward smile. El took them gingerly and held them to her nose and inhaled slowly and deeply. Then a smile spread on her face. Hopper and Mike felt their hearts drop, but with excitement. She hadn't smiled in weeks.

"They're beautiful," she whispered. Mike sat down beside her on her bed and she leaned on his shoulder. Everything was different now. It always would be.

"El...talk to me," Mike said softly.

"About?" She asked. Mike choked up and took her hand tight in his.

"Why did you do it?" He asked.

"I...I couldn't take it anymore...everything was falling apart...I was constantly scared and I felt alone and terrified...I wanted it to be over..." El said and let out a choked out sob. It was a sound Mike hated to hear. It broke his heart. He blinked and some tears fell down his face and he pulled her into his arms. She started crying and gripped his shirt tight in her fist. He held her so tight his fingers were turning white. Like he was squeezing her back together. She cried her heart out until she couldn't cry anymore and then looked up at Mike.

"What made you decide you wanted to live? At the hospital, I told you I was glad you're alive and you said 'me too.' What made you change your mind?" He asked.

"You. I...I saw the look on your face when you saw the pill bottles...I...I can't believe I did that to you..." she said. Mike put his hands on her shoulders and made her look at him.

"Don't try to apologize. You don't need to be sorry for having feelings. I...I should've been there," he said.

"I pushed you away when you tried to help and I'm sorry," she choked.

"Don't be! Please! Don't be sorry! I don't want you to have regrets, especially right now. I'm so unbelievably glad you're still alive. I just love you so much and I need you. Every day. Your life is so precious. And you're worth everything," Mike said, his hands on her neck. She reached up and wiped her cheeks and her nose, looking down at the sheets. She felt guilty as hell.

"Hey, look at me," Mike said ever so gently. She lifted her head slowly, almost shamefully.

"I love you. And I will be here whenever you need me. No matter what it is. If you need to talk, cry, scream, punch something, whatever. I'll be here," he said. She was still speechless.

"Mike...I..." she stuttered. Then she threw her arms around him and kissed him sloppily. It was a wonderful feeling. It reminded her why she was alive; what her reason was to live. The kind of things she wanted to live for. These moments with him and the future they could have together. Sleepovers with Max where they watch cheesy chick flicks and eat too much food. Watching Miami Vice with Hopper on Fridays and eating triple decker eggo extravaganzas. Listening to Dustin talk about Suzie and Will talking about his crush. Lucas finding ways to win Max back over when they fight. All the things she would have missed out on and left behind. And then she burst into tears again. She felt weak as she fell into Mike's arms again and he held her.

"I'm sorry..." she whimpered.

"For what?" Mike asked

"Crying..." she said quietly.

"Hey, even though it pains me to see you cry, I'm glad you are. Wanna know why? Because it means you still feel something. And crying is the best way to just let it all out. I want you to still feel things in life, El. And there are still so many things you have not seen, heard, felt, or done yet in life and things you have done that are just as exciting the second , third, or even the fourth time you do them. Little things that make your life worth living," he said, brushing her hair from her face.

"Like?" She asked. And Mike felt his hear swell. There was a glimmer of hope in her eyes again. A sign of life. A sign that she wasn't over her life yet.

"Likeee...a live performance at a concert, your stomach dropping on a roller coaster, going to the fair to play the games and ride rides, learning how to drive a car, graduation, college, a football game, a pumpkin patch or corn maze, making love, kissing in the rain, stargazing, going to a museum or zoo or aquarium, getting married, going to the beach and feeling the sand between your toes, reading a good novel that takes you to another world, seeing your best friend get married herself, jumping in the pool on that first hot summer day, the smell of flowers blooming in the spring, the feel of the spring air and sunshine on your skin after a long winter, mistletoe and presents, putting up holiday decorations, sunsets, cuddling on the couch and watching a movie on a cold and rainy day, singing in the car to our favorite songs, bonfires, fresh baked cookies, laughing so hard that your stomach hurts and you can't breathe...El...life is beautiful. It will break your heart and beat you down. It's messy and sad and scary and stressful. But it is beautiful. There is always something to be happy about or look forward to. You...you have so much to live for. So much to look forward to," Mike said. El reached up and wiped the tears from his face and from her own. Hopper was listening from outside the door, and even he stood there, shedding tears of his own.

"I never realized there were so many things..." she choked. He held her face firmly in his hands, but not enough to hurt her.

"Don't worry about that now. Let's focus on getting you better and getting your spirits back up. I'll show you a life worth living," he said and kissed her hard and sloppily. She kissed him back and smiled.

"Okay," she agreed simply.

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A/N: Mike's speech about reasons why life is worth living is true! I myself have experienced a lack of hope for life, and considered ending things. But it does get better. And there are so many things worth living for. There is something beautiful in every day. So please, live your life. If you or someone you know is struggling with suicide, please call 1-800-273-8255. Your life is precious. You are not alone. You are worth it. Don't be afraid to ask for help. I, and so many others, care for you.