SAVE ME ||A Kim Taehyung Fanfiction||

⫣24⫦ Violent Thoughts

I feel like screaming.

Or hitting someone- preferably myself, because after I had stormed into my room after the most uncomfortable breakfast of all times, I made a shocking discovery:
I don't have any of the boys phone numbers!

And that means I have no way of contacting them.

How could I have forgotten such an essential thing like asking them for their contact?

I practically made them be the only ones who can reach out to me since they know where I live.

It's the weekend, which means I can't even meet them at school.
And all I know about the place they live in, is that it's a Junkyard.

So for the entire weekend I sit and wait, trying to find something- anything to distract myself with.

I try to ignore my parents as best as I can and try to find something that takes my mind off BTS- and tragically fail.

I want to hear J-Hopes laughter and Jimin's teasing.
I want Jungkook to dare me to a race and to just chill on a sofa with Suga while watching the others joke around.
I want to ask RM for advice about how to deal with my family and to make Jin laugh, so I can hear his wind-shield giggle.

And most of all, I want to see Taehyung.

I want to make sure that pain is no longer in his eyes and see that sparkling glee again which makes me want to do crazy, reckless things.
And I want him to kiss me again so I can distract him from all that hurts him.
All those emotions which had been so potent, so wretched and screaming when I looked into his eyes.

I want to do that most of all.
Want to help him forget.

But they don't sneak into my house and they don't call because I haven't given them my number either.

On Sunday night I wake up drenched in sweat, rocking my body while holding myself, trying to shake the nightmare.

They never existed.
I never met Taehyung in the barn, they never took me to the beach or the party and I never knew the feeling of joy and freedom.

The moment my alarm clock rings on Monday morning, I'm out of bed like lighting struck me, getting dressed at a mind-boggling speed and run down the stairs, nearly smacking into my mother on the way down.

"Lian! No running, we're not in kindergarten."

I don't have the nerve to reply.
Not Today.
I simply push past her and hurry on.

I hear my mother's shouting at my rude behaviour, but she is cut off as soon as the front door slams shut.
It feels like I can finally breath again.

I take the earliest bus to school.

I know it's stupid- Taehyung and Jungkook never show up on time anyway.

And as expected, I am the first in the classroom.
I have no other choice but to sit in wait- waiting again.
It seems to take forever for the first students to enter.

Eventually, Momo, Tyuzu and Nayeon arrive too, shooting me a confused look.

"We were wondering where you were. We usually meet up in front of the school.
Why are you already here?", Momo asks, but I only shoot her an apologetic look.

"Sorry, I arrived really early today and felt like going over biology one more time to make sure I don't mess up the test."

Nayeon snorts. "God, you're so diligent. Who cares about a biology test?"

Not me.
Not any more.

After what feels like hours, the teacher enters and starts the class.
My eyes keep skipping to the front door and the clock above it.

Any time now- any time they would enter.
Excitement runs through my body.

But with every passing minute it turns into something else.

With every tick of the clock like a bomb going off inside my brain, the same feeling as in the nightmare returns stronger and stronger.
They were never real- and they are not coming.

"Ya! Lian."
Momo whispers next to me and I rip my eyes from the door to look at her.

"Are you waiting for Taehyung and Jungkook?"

I nod and don't have to fake the trace of fear on my face that only grows when I see her smile in response.
For some reason, I immediately know I'm not going to like what she's about to say.

"Don't worry. I don't think they're coming today.
They usually only show up once or twice a week anyway.
I already wondered why they showed up the last two weeks without missing out.
Let's hope they return to their old habits so they can't bother you as much, okay?"

I force out a smile which makes my cheeks hurt, even as I start to feel sick.
They truly aren't coming.

Did they really just forget about me?
Was I nothing but a fun little experiment and now that they have lost interest, I am nothing to them?