SAVE ME ||A Kim Taehyung Fanfiction||

⫣55⫦ Far from Home

 Lian POV

I feel nothing.
I am nothing.
I don't want to be anything.
Not after what I did to them- what I had to do.

I know they will hurt.
If they love me a fraction of the way I love them, they will hurt for a long time.

But I... I'm beyond hurt.
I only feel empty.
Like the very essence of my life was ripped from me.

"You did well, Lian."

I look up at my father.
I know I hate him.
I know there is rage in me and anger and despair.

But I have made the wall around my heart so strong, nothing can penetrate it, not even that.
I only know what I have to do.

Like a machine, going through the motions.

"Thank you dad."

My voice is calm and gentle, my hands folded in my lap as I sit straight on the sofa, my father in front of me.
The wiretap he made me wear lay abandoned on the living room table.

"Now, you should go start packing. Don't wanna miss your flight, do you?"

I look up.
I smile.

"Yes. I wouldn't."

I stand and do as I was told.

England.

My father thought it best to have me far away from the boys, sending me to yet another all-girl private school in some abandoned town in North England where I was told to behave and be the old Lian again.
His darling, little girl.

And I will go.

I will live in my own worst hell if it means my boys are save.

I'm done with packing after only ten minutes.
I don't care about the stuff I'm taking.
Nothing in this house is of any importance to me anyway.

I left all I cared about behind me.

Then I just sit there in my room, looking and thinking about nothing.

******  

"You will call us every day, okay honey?" my mother says as we stand in front of the airport gate.

This is as far as they are allowed to come.
My mother has tears in her eyes.

For the first time in my life, I had heard her argue with my father about sending me away.
But to no avail.

My father convinced her that it was the best thing for me and I had agreed. 

"Yes, I want to go."
"The school sounds amazing."
"I will learn a lot."

The words left my lips smoothly and easily.
My mother eventually agreed.

"I will mom, I promise."

You promised.
You promised you wouldn't leave.

I shut down the voice in my head.
Little things like these sometimes slip through my wall and I have to reinforce the crumbling fence around my heart.

 A tear slips free from my mother's eye as she gently strokes my cheek.

"My little Lian. Please take care of you over there. Eat well and sleep enough.
Don't go out too late and make a lot of friends.
One day, it will be of great use to build relationship with powerful people, you hear me?"

I nod.
I smile.
I don't even feel disappointment at her words anymore. 

I answer only because it is expected of me.
"Don't worry mom. I'll be fine."

She hugs me closely, her citrus smell entering my nose, making me want to gag.
I can barricade my heart, but not my physical reactions.
She lets go of me and I turn my attention to my dad.

He smiles at me.
I smile back.
He hugs me too, bringing his mouth close to my ear.

"Behave, or you know what will happen to those boys."

The threat shoots past my wall and fear zaps through my body.
I can't breath, my vision turning white as I ring for control.

Then I close that wall tight, drowning everything out just when he lets me go again.

"I will miss you so much," I tell them with a lovely smile.

Then I turn and head to the security gate.
I turn back once, waving to my parents and they wave back.
Such a happy family.

When I am ushered through by the security guard and my parents are out of view, only then do I drop my smile.

I walk amongst the people, seeing no one and nothing, every step putting me further away from the boys.

A single tear escapes my eye- a physical reaction I can't control, even as I just feel emptiness.

I keep walking.