always...

chapter 65 - iwaizumi

"i'm...not alone...when i'm with you"

"i-i've always loved you tōru..."

iwaizumi shot up in his bed and glanced over at the clock on his nightstand.

3:18am

with a heavy sigh, he flopped back in his bed. lately, his dreams had been hazy yet so real at the same time.

he couldn't remember much except standing in front of oikawa and the distinct taste of whiskey burning in the back of his throat.

a few phrases kept repeating over and over in his head like a broken record, but he wasn't sure if it was just the dream or if he had actually said those things to oikawa.

he had noticed that oikawa was distant recently, but he blamed it all on the stress of school, volleyball, and college prep. after all, he was busy with the exact same issues.

iwaizumi couldn't fall back asleep.

tossing and turning in his bed all night, his fuzzy memories nagged at his subconscious, almost desperate to send him some sort of message.

did i say all that? maybe it was tōru who said them...no, that doesn't make sense. what happened that night? why did he brush it off like it was nothing?

why would i dream about telling tōru i've always loved him?

iwaizumi took his pillow and threw it over his head.

"aghsgdjasdhaasdhaagg!" he screamed into the cushion, frustrated and conflicted.

iwaizumi groaned and dragged himself out of bed, knowing there was no way he'd be sleeping tonight.

instead, he decided to go downstairs to the kitchen. he tiptoed through the halls, careful not to make any of the floorboards creak as he snuck around in the dark.

he opened the refrigerator, it's bright white light illuminating his face as he searched the various shelves for something to eat.

nothing.

"hajime? what're you doing up?"

"shit! you scared me!" iwaizumi suddenly slammed the fridge door shut.

"language, hajime," his father shook his head.

"sorry...wait-why are you up?" iwaizumi whisper-yelled.

"your mother's mad at me for something so she made me sleep on the couch. i heard noises and decided to investigate," his father explained.

"oh, okay. do we have any cup ramen? i can't sleep and i'm hungry."

"there's some in here," iwaizumi's father opened up the pantry door and grabbed two cups.

"you're gonna eat some too?"

"why not? we can even have some nice father-son bonding!" his dad chuckled.

iwaizumi rolled his eyes and grabbed the two cups from his dad. he peeled the lids half off and poured some hot water in each of them from the kettle by the stove.

"how come you can't sleep?" his father questioned suddenly.

"oh, um. weird dreams? i guess?" iwaizumi shrugged.

"did something happen with kaede?"

"yeah...she cheated on me and i dumped her...but that's not what the dreams were about."

"about tōru-kun?"

"h-how did you know??" iwaizumi asked, dumbfounded and slightly shocked.

"your mother and i are more observant than you think. he drove you home one night and said you were drunk, but didn't even stop to talk to us. he just left in some sort of rush, all flustered," he answered.

"oh...i don't even remember what happened with him. all he told me was that i showed up at his house and got drunk so he brought me home."

"okay, well...what happened in the dreams?" iwaizumi's dad took a ramen cup and peeled the lid all the way off before mixing it with a pair of chopsticks.

"i-well...i just remember standing in front of oikawa and i kept hearing myself tell him i've always loved him...and like, he's my best friend, so of course i love him, but i'm not sure why i feel so confused about it," iwaizumi rambled.

"oh dear god..."

"what??"

"hajime, does tōru-kun ever flirt with you?"

"no? i mean, like as a joke, yeah, but not seriously," iwaizumi admitted.

"you're that oblivious, aren't you?" his father took a bite of his noodles, slurping them as iwaizumi stared back at him.

"what's that supposed to mean?" iwaizumi took his own cup of ramen and picked up some noodles with his chopsticks.

"hajime, he's been in love with you for years, haven't you noticed?"

iwaizumi choked on his ramen, coughing up bits of the noodles all over the kitchen counter.

"he what??!"

"your mother and i have seen the way he looks at you. it's pretty obvious honestly, except your mom didn't realize it for the longest time. her gay-dar sucks, you know?" his father joked.

"how did you know then?" iwaizumi asked, wiping his mouth with a napkin.

"i had a boyfriend in college. i know how guys flirt, trust me."

"you're bi???"

"yeah, aren't you?" his dad laughed.

"yes...wait does mom know?"

"about what? that we're both bi?"

iwaizumi nodded, his mouth stuffed with ramen.

"yeah, she knows. i had to tell her about you though because she's just as oblivious as you are sometimes. i thought i leaned more toward guys actually, but then i met your mom and wow, she really knew how to-"

"nope! none of that, thank you," iwaizumi slapped his hand over his dad's mouth.

iwaizumi slowly lifted his hand off.

"so...tōru...is in love with me?" iwaizumi said quietly.

"yep," his father replied, raising his eyebrows. "maybe you love him too...maybe that's what your dreams mean...maybe that's what happened that night, who knows?"

iwaizumi brought both his hands to the sides of his head and rubbed his temples.

"just think about it," his father shrugged, picking up his cup ramen and finishing off the soup.

iwaizumi nodded as his father stood up and threw away the foam cup. he returned to the living room where the couch was, leaving iwaizumi in the kitchen, even more confused than he was before.

tōru...loves me?