ENDLESS

S5 Chapter 19

SCARLETT JENKINS

MONTH: SUMMER TRANSITIONING TO 10TH GRADE

A lot has changed and my mental health has improved greatly. And yet, I still find myself haunted by shadows of the past.

I think about my mom on a daily basis. The pain is less intense, but the empty seat she's left behind in my heart can never be taken. It makes me wonder— does time truly does heal all wounds? Or do we simply learn to live with our new reality?

That night doesn't make me react the same way it did when it initially happened. More and more, I'm becoming accepting of the fact that my mother is gone, and what I did afterwards. But it doesn't make me feel any better.

I'm still a murderer, and if it wasn't for me, she could still be alive.

Dwelling on this doesn't change anything though. You can't alter the course of life. We don't have that power as human beings. At least, I don't. The best we can do is continue on living.

I'm doing my best to look forward to the future and working on what I can control. I've been thinking of doing an apprenticeship with the same tattoo parlor that inked Carter. They've seen my designs and asked me if I'd be interested.

I don't have much to do these days since I graduated from the art academy. I no longer have to attend those classes and can work on my craft in my own free time. This could be a life-changing opportunity.

I'm scared for the possibility of not liking it, but I'm going to answer them back.

Maybe being a tattoo artist would be fun. Either way, having that skill under my belt is neat to have.

Everything is confusing right now and my anxiety tends to get the best of me. That's why I've been continuing to write in the journal that Carter gifted me. It wasn't the intended purpose, but I find writing down my feelings to be healing.

It's all coming together, I've been weaving the story into novella form. If possible, maybe I could publish it one day.

Maybe reading my story and all that has happened could help others.

I think now, more than ever, am I seeing how significant it is to manage our mental health. Today is Robin's death anniversary. I can't help but think that maybe if he had a resource like this, he would've hesitated..

I know that Carter feels guilty. He doesn't show those negative emotions much anymore. He does his best to see the beauty in life. I know he wishes that Robin could've seen it too.

If I can finish and edit the book, then maybe I could reach out to a publishing company and see what they say.

But now, I should find Carter. We still haven't gone to visit his grave today.

I exited my room and found Carter laying around in the living room. He looked drained of energy, his face devoid of emotion. ''Baby?''

He turned to glance back. ''Oh, hey Scarlett. Are you ready to go visit Robin?''

''Yeah, I am. Are you?''

Carter nodded, standing up. ''I've been waiting for you. I wasn't sure when you'd be available. You seemed busy.''

''I was just in my room thinking. I'm going to say yes to the apprenticeship.'' I announced excitedly with a hint of anxiety.