Before Me, Him

Chapter 2

   I look through the window again and the fields had disappeared, now the landscape was only a big white house with a big garden and several trees. Emily gets out of the car and I follow opening up its trunk to remove my bags. Both her mom and her dad open the garden door and, a few seconds after, the front door of the house. Through the outside it looked like a simple house: it had two floors and on the second floor there were two balconies. The house had a beautiful garden surrounding it, the grass was green and filled with life and, to make some contrast, there were several roses and tulips filled with gorgeous colors. It was a beautiful place.

     We get inside and Emily takes me to my room. When I enter a feeling of nostalgia comes to me, this was the room where I used to stay as a kid. The beige walls delivered me a comfortable feeling alongside the white curtains. The bed had brown sheets and white pillows however there was a blue one right in the middle. That was my pillow, the one Theresa had bought for me when we went shopping once. Somehow I fell in love with it and it became one of my personal favorite belongings in the entire world. The wooden floor was shining with the big wooden closet. 

     I opened the doors of the closet and I could still see several drawings that me and Emily had made as kids glued with some invisible tape. The different shelves were now with a variety of books and the desk was clean, having only a blank notebook and some writing material in a small case.

     - Everything is pretty much the same as when we were little so it should be fine for you to get used to it, right? – and again, a bright smile appears. – I will let you unpack so if you need anything just call me!

     Emily leaves the room and, a couple of seconds after I hear someone knock.

     - Come in.

     - Oh my June, I didn't have time to talk with you but I was hoping to be able to a little bit. Do you mind? – Therese enters the room and sits on the chair close to the desk.

     - Of course. – I show a slight smile and sit on the bed. – What did you want to talk about?

     - I just wanted to know how are you. It's been years since you last came here, if I am not mistaken the last time was when you were thirteen right? – a kind smile appears on Therese's lips – Time does go by fast, look how much you've grown.

     - I have been fine, finished high school this year and I am starting college next year, still don't know which college I should go though.

     - I am glad to hear you are so decisive in terms of your education! I truly am but... How are you? Are you happy?

     The mood darkens a little bit while I think about my answer. What should I reply? "Not really but that's not important" or maybe "No, I can't be happy anymore"? Therese's earnest eyes are glued to mine almost like begging for me to open up, to talk about whatever might be tormenting me.

     - Happy? I wonder what that is. I guess you could say I am happy when I graduated high school or when I learned that my parents won the trip but does that mean that I am happy or maybe just pleased? – Therese's smile fades away in a blink of an eye and I scratch my head while thinking of a way to lighten up this dark mood – I wouldn't say I am happy but I am not as I was when it happened Therese. Don't worry.

     - They say time heals everything June but in your case, the accident happened four years ago and you are not fully over it. Maybe you need something else to heal you. – her smile comes back but this time it wasn't showing happiness, instead, it was filled with compassion.

     - I wonder. – I get up from the bed – Well, I don't prevent good things from happening, and the same happens with bad things. Whatever will be, will be, right? – I show her a somewhat happy smile

      - Well, I'm sure you have a lot of unpacking to do so I won't keep you busy anymore. – Therese starts getting up from the chair and walking towards the door - Lunch will be ready in a bit as well. – the door opens and right before it closes Therese calls me – June, thank you.

     As the door closes I could feel the step forward that Therese had taken. I'm sure that the accident left a lot of family members confused and in shock but she was one of the most affected. I understand her though, she has known me ever since I was a baby in my mom's arms and I would come to her house every single Summer during the vacation period. Three whole months every year, it was almost as if I was her second daughter. 

     Four years ago, my soul was stopped in time, and even now it is walking around the world, searching for me while I search for it as well. No one should witness what she did, the state I was in for the longest time. I am glad the weight she had on her shoulders for all this time went away, I truly am glad.

     I open up my bag and start sorting all my clothing in the big wooden closet followed by placing my accessories on top of a small white wooden table. When, after half an hour, I had everything done I go to the windows, opening them up, and walking towards the balcony. The air was salty, you could smell the sea and, in this specific room, if you looked closely you could see a little bit of the beautiful deep ocean on the horizon. The house was close to a river that would lead to the sea and had green fields all over. It is a peaceful place, always was and I hope it will always be.

     Honestly, this place was always different and always held a special place in my heart, I wonder why. Maybe it was the sea? Maybe it was the green fields? Maybe it was the river? Maybe it was the blue sky? Right now, the answer that seems more accurate would be the air. The smell of nature: the sweet smell of the river alongside the salty smell of the sea with a small bit of the pleasant smell of fertile terrains and grass. It was the type of place that would make your soul waver on whether you should return to your home or not.

     Home? A place where the air is filthy, filled with poison from machines and cars? A place where everyone is a stranger and everyone plays pretend? A place where my own father doesn't show his face to me or even addresses me due to thinking I am to blame? A place where everyone is just doing what they have to do and not what they want to do? I wonder if I can call that home.

     - Lunch is ready! – John screams from downstairs.