Before Me, Him

Chapter 52

     - I'm going! Will be back in a couple of hours! – William screams from the entrance as he placed his boots on.

     We had arrived home some hours ago. Dinner was also already served, it should be around ten o'clock right now. I get up from the couch where my mom and dad were sitting. On the television, there was a movie passing, "The Wanted", if I'm not mistaken.

     - When will you be back? – I question him as I picked up his motorcycle helmet.

     - In a couple of hours. I'll just watch the show and come right back to you June. – he says as he caresses my face.

     - Do you really have to go? Can't you just take mom's car or something? – I asked him as I looked into his light brown eyes. When the rain is pouring down is the most dangerous since the floor is extremely slippery. These were the nights where I would be scared for him.

     - I will be safe. I promise. – He kisses my cheek softly. – I always come back, don't I?

     I nod with my head and with a warm smile on his face he leaves the house. Back then I didn't know what would happen but my heart was already clouded with uneasiness almost as if expecting something terrible to happen.

     Several hours pass and I wake up by the ring of the doorbell from my house. I look at the clock and see that it was around two am. William had the keys to the house, he wouldn't knock or even ring the bell so I had no idea of who it could be. I get up from the bed and dress up in a light comfortable jacket. Once I reach the middle of the stairs I listen to the door being unlocked and, once my eyes are able to see the door they meet with my dad, in his pajamas and, in front of him, two police officers.

I'm sorry for disrupting you at such a late hour of the night. They stated.

Are you William's Belford father? They questioned.

We have something important to tell you. They warned.

You might want to sit down for this. They advised.

Your son is dead. They lied.

     It had to be a lie I thought. It had to be right? William? Dead? How could that fit into someone's head? It couldn't so it had to be a lie. Why would police officers make such an awful joke? It is not funny.

     - That's a lie. – I scream as I run towards the door. – He can't be dead. You are both liars.

     I'm sorry ma'am. 

     They looked at me with such pitiful and serious eyes that made me snap back into reality. They wouldn't lie. They wouldn't play such hurtful games. William was actually dead.

     - What happened? – my father asked trying to keep his composure.

     - We're still analyzing the scene but it was a motorcycle accident. Most likely due to this heavy rain. - One of the officers replied as my father invited them in.

     In the meantime, my mom had woken up from all the noise I had made and her expression turns into a shocked one once she sees the officers sitting on two chairs while me and my dad were sitting on the couch. Tears were pouring down my face and I could barely talk.

     - What's wrong? – she asks as she sits between me and my dad and pets my head softly while pushing it towards her shoulder.

     Then the police officers explain the situation and my mom falls into tears. No sounds were coming from her, I don't think she knew what to say, or even how to react. My mom was in such a state of shock that she was trembling everywhere but, at the same time, she was trying so hard to keep her composure for me.

     - How did it happen? – my father questions with some cracks in his voice. He wasn't crying but his eyes were filled with pain and despair. He was trying his best to not fall into oblivion otherwise me and my mom would follow and we wouldn't be able to know any type of information regarding his death.

     Finally, the policemen started to explain what they knew at the moment:

     Your son was riding on his motorcycle alongside four other drivers: Jason Smith, Elia Roberts, Kyle Evans, and Charles Miller. The accident happened on a very tight curve not far from here. We assume that once they reached the curve there was a truck passing by and, due to the lack of light on the reflective mirror they couldn't have seen it. Only Elia Roberts managed to not crash against it since he was further away from the rest of the group for what it seems. He is fine, with some scratches from falling off his motorcycle but both Charles Miller and Jason Smith suffered severe wounds, they are both at a critical stage in the hospital right now. Kyle Evans body was thrown into the van and he had an immediate death. Your son on the other hand was sent flying in the air by his motorcycle and ended up dying on the spot as well. For now, this is all we know, we are still analyzing the scene but new extra information might show up.

     As I heard them explain the situation to me I was only capable of crying while, inside my head, I was screaming "Liar" as loud as I could. How could I not blame him?

     He lied to me.

     He said he would be back.

     He said he would be here.

     He promised he wouldn't leave me.

     Where is he now?

     My dad made a couple more questions but my brain was already not paying attention. I was more focused on my pain and on my brother than anything else in this living room. My mom just kept on trying her best to sustain her tears but after some time she would let them slip on accident. It was only natural, how could she not?

     After a long time, the police officers head to the door in order to leave. "We will keep you informed." They said to my dad as he opened the door. As I looked at them I remembered that that specific area was the last place where I saw him, where I talked to him, where I touched him. Once the door was closed again my father looks at me and I understood it straight away. It was time for me to leave the two of them alone for a while.

     "What am I supposed to do now?" I question myself as I slowly get up and stumble to my room.

     I could hear both my mom and my dad talk downstairs as she, from time to time screamed in despair. Honestly, I wanted to scream to from all the pain I felt so I did: I lay my body on the bed with my stomach against it and as I clench my hands on the pillow I dive in with my face and I scream. I scream until my voice can't come out anymore until I am out of breath almost. My tears keep on falling and I feel like I want to die.

     "I don't want to be here. I can't be here. He needs to come back." I said to myself as I was going through the denial phase. I didn't want to be on this Earth without my William. He was my big brother, the person I could always count on. He was my everything.

     "How can you live if you don't have a world to live in?" I asked myself over and over again.

     That night none of us slept. I mean, how could we? How were we supposed to? Nevertheless, the next morning came but the sun was hiding behind the clouds. It was almost as if it was ashamed, ashamed of what had happened. He knew it, everyone knew it.

     I go close to my window and shut my binds in order to prevent the clarity from getting inside. Once I am done the room is pitch black. I couldn't see anything. I couldn't hear anything. Everything around me was nothing and that was what my body was craving for: nothing, the feeling that William must be feeling right now.

     It's excused to say that for the next days I didn't go to school or even left my room. No one came either way. The house was silent and cold as if the bright soul that once was here was now gone. The bright sun we had, is now gone.