Before Me, Him

Chapter 56

     During the trip back we barely talked. Jacob was focused on his driving and, to be honest, I didn't really know what to say to him. His presence soothed the pain that I constantly felt and somehow I would feel safe and secure with him around. This feeling was very similar to the ones I would feel with my brother. This peace and this happiness... 

I wish I could bring him back

     After some hours we reach Vella and, as the moon started to show itself we reached Therese's house. The lights were on and there was loud music coming from inside almost as if they were having a really big party. As Jacob removed his seatbelt and started to open the car door I grabbed his hand making him look at me.

     - June? – he questions me as he closes the door and sits back down again. His warm brown eyes were staring right into mine as the moon grew brighter and brighter.

     - Is this really alright? – I ask him as I was feeling insecure. I didn't want to be a bother to Emily's family since they had done so much for me already. Jacob gives me a kind and warm smile as he places his hand on my head and starts rubbing it.

     - Of course. – his hand stops moving and he looks at me with a serious expression. – If you are not comfortable you can come and live with me instead.

     My heart starts beating faster as his eyes focus on mine. He was serious, extremely serious. How was I supposed to react to that? What am I supposed to say? Out of a sudden, a loud bang is heard and I snap back into reality. I look back and right at my window was Philip giving me a strange but kind smile.

     - Welcome back June. – he states as he opens the car door while focusing his attention on Jacob. – We were all waiting for you.

     Philip starts removing the bags from the trunk and picks them both up at the same time however, as he started to head towards the house Jacob grabs one of the bags.

     - Let me give you a hand. – he states with a smile on his lips.

     - It's quite alright Jacob, you should just keep your hands to yourself. – Phillip says and then, out of a sudden, they were both wearing the same kind of smile.

     - I insist Phil, you know I'm always there to help a childhood friend.

     I was starting to grow tired of hearing them talk random things so I just grabbed both bags from Philip and slowly headed to the front door of the house. Once they realized what I was trying to do they stopped arguing and each one of them picked up a bag, smoothly carrying it to the entrance. I open the door and see everyone else inside: Therese, John, Emily, Polly, and Dean.

      Of course, Emily was the one that started running towards me and, once she reached her goal, she hugged me extremely tight. Everyone else gathered around us and started chatting happily. "I'm home" I whispered to her as I embraced her tighter and felt her arms around me tighten.

     Jacob and Philip helped me place the luggage in the guest room which was now my room. I wasn't going to clean and organize anything today so I just walked downstairs after switching to clean clothes.

     As I walked I felt the weight on my chest and shoulders being lifted, softly and slowly, floating away to somewhere I couldn't reach. They were all chatting happily in the living room, and their voices reflected a warm summer day. I pass by them and go to the garden outside the house. I don't know what was on my mind at that moment but I knew that I needed to feel something else because this didn't seem right. Nothing was wrong and that was scary.

I decide to remove my shoes and as I feel my feet touch the green grass, a tickling sensation begins just to disappear shortly afterward. The night was warm and the stars were sparkling bright, erasing any extra doubts in my soul for some quick seconds.

     - Running away from the party so soon? – I look back to see Jacob walking towards me with a warm smile on his lips.

     - Just needed to breathe some fresh air for a little bit. – I state as he reaches my side. Somehow, in that precise moment, I remind myself of what had happened right before I left for Hollum. – Here.

     My hand stretches towards his and, when he opens his hand I drop him the black necklace he had given me beforehand. I should've given it to him sooner but my mind was all over the place... I forgot.

     - You know... - Jacob focuses his eyes on me and after a couple of minutes of silence he lets out a sigh as his attention switches to the sparkly sky. – Never mind.

     We just stood there, quiet, staring at the sky, waiting for a sound, for hope, for something that was already there but we couldn't see it.

     - I should get back. –he says as he pats my back. – It's getting late. Wish them a good night for me, please.

     - Jacob. – I call him as he was about to leave the front gate. –Thank you.

     He gives me a warm smile as he leaves the terrain. I could see his figure entering his car and, as the lights were turned on his shape just disappeared and soon, so did his ride.

     I go back to where I was and I look inside the house. They are still laughing and cheerful. Emily is the most shining star in that room, everyone is surrounding her, almost as if she is pulling them in. That's something that only she can do and I think that is wonderful. As my mind wandered to the several different shelves around my brain I knew that now the true game would begin, the countdown for the apocalypse, and, due to it, my insecurities grew stronger and stronger: 

How long will this happiness last?

Not long June. Not long.

     I hear it. Again. She's here but this time I'm not playing along with this silly game of hers.

     I get back into the living room and start hanging around with everyone however, I wouldn't talk much, I would just hear them chit-chat. That's what I'm good at: listening. Several hours later Emily is exhausted so the guests decide to take their leave and, soon after, we were both in our rooms, laying on our beds, resting.

     The room was dark. The night is tainted with the light grey from the moon but, even then, it is extremely dangerous and dark. I know that in the end, that's not really what I'm scared of. Those are just silly excuses that I say to myself to make it through the night because the truth is...

I was created in darkness.

I grew frightened of the light.

My reflection was a rotten painting.

My touch was colder than the deepest depts of the ocean.

We are a lost soul, wondering where is "home".

We are something that kisses your kids goodnight as they dream with the most horrid scenarios.

Because we are one, we don't split, we don't feel and, that's what makes us the perfect unwanted terror.