Before Me, Him

Chapter 34

     Autumn didn't eat again or even approached me. I mean who would at this point? My eyes have massive dark circles around them as if I hadn't had a night of sleep for weeks. Yesterday I barely slept, I thought about my life the whole night. I kept trying to remember Philip but nothing would bring his figure up. I tried understanding him a little bit better but I also couldn't.

     "What's wrong with me? Why am I caring?" I questioned myself. I never cared about other people surrounding me unless they were important. I cared about my family and that's all. No one else needed to be in the picture. Then why am I worried about Philip? If I had to think about it I would assume it is because he was my brother's friend. I guess, in a way, that made him something close to family but even then...

     - Are you okay, child? – Robert asks me while holding the bucked of water in my hand. With all my wondering I didn't see that the chicken's water source was already full and now it was pouring out.

     - I'm alright Robert, just tired. Had a rough night. – I say while placing the bucket down.

     - How about a little bit of tea to soothe your pain? – he questions me with his gentle smile.

     - I'd love to but I have to go, I need to finish something at home. – I say. – But thank you!

     Robert waves as I leave back to my house. I know he had the best intentions, I know he wanted to help me but I really wanted to help Autumn and I wouldn't be able to if I didn't finish reading those books. We did try diluting the medication in water but he also didn't touch it. I'm running out of options. Today is Wednesday, marking the start of the fourth week, the final week. 

     Somehow my soul started to feel lonely, I guess I did become slightly attached to Vella. The warm sunshine on my face, the pleasant smell of fresh grass, the comfortable wind showing his presence with a soft touch, the wonderful sea scent, the beautiful night sky filled with the wonderful moon and several different stars, shining their brightest... I will definitely miss it. I think that part of me wishes that I could live here instead of the cold and toxic city of Hollum.

     As I was reaching the house I see Emily at the front door and, a couple of seconds after, Polly appears. They soon start walking down the street and leave. I guess they were going to do something, I didn't really care what. Honestly, maybe that was for the better, I did need to focus on my research.

     I ate my lunch and opened the books afterward. The whole afternoon was spent reading one of the two books that were left. Of course, I had no leads. This book was as helpful as every other one. I'm honestly getting frustrated. "Why when I try so hard things never go right?" I question myself while my head falls onto my hands that started gripping my hair.

     When I was a kid I would try really hard to achieve things like better grades, better friendships but the harder I tried the worse it would be. It would never work. That's how I stopped caring about things, stopped trying to get or to do certain things. I stopped fighting. In the end, if I didn't fight I wouldn't get disappointed and, the fun part in all of this is that when I gave up on things they would as if God was playing me as a puppet, workout alright. They wouldn't work out the way I wanted them to but they would be "acceptable".

     I hadn't felt this type of frustration for a really long time. I think Autumn was the first thing I actually fought for in years. 

I cannot let him down, I cannot let myself down.

     Even if I wanted to my brain was not able to read more though, I needed to get some fresh air. I open the windows to feel a soft breeze touch my cheeks while the sun started to set. From here I could see a little bit of the ocean, really far away though. It was sparkling, reflecting the beauty of the sun. "What a marvelous sight" I thought "I wish William could see it". I could hear the birds singing shily while I would place my elbows on the handrail. I looked around and saw the garden empty so I decided to go down.

     I place my bare feet on the grass making a ticklish sensation appear and I start making turns, I would rotate my body as the wind would flow through my hair. I stop and look forward as I was a little bit out of breath. A smile was appearing on my face as I thought "William are you seeing this? Are you seeing me?"

     I am well aware that I would regret this later but I start singing acapella as the birds do. They were singing with me as I wandered through the garden appreciating the flowers and letting my voice roam to wherever it wanted to. Right now I wasn't feeling trapped or in doubt, I was just feeling like singing because that's how I get these emotions out of me.

     - I'm glad you are able to sing again. – I hear Therese's voice from behind me after I finish singing. She was wearing her usual warm and cozy smile.

     - I wouldn't say I'm able but I'm trying. – I state.

     - Your brother would be happy you know. – she says while walking towards me. – That you are trying.

     I nod with my head as she embraces me from behind, placing her arms on my shoulders, hugging me tightly.

     - I miss him you know, he was a good boy. – Therese mentions as we both look into the horizon seeing the warm and gentle sun give off his last rays of sunlight.

     - He was great. – I place my hands on her arms.

     - June... - she hesitates for a couple of seconds before continuing. – You don't need to leave if you don't want to. You can stay with us for as long as you'd like.

     - I know Therese. – I turn and give her a warm smile. – I know, but I have to go. They need me there, my mom and dad.

     Therese nods her head and grabs my hand. We both walk towards the kitchen to find Emily and Polly in the living room. "Did they just arrived or did they...?" I think to myself.

     - I was about to start dinner, you arrived a bit earlier? – Therese asks while walking towards the kitchen by herself. – You can have fun with them June.

     - No it's alright, I'll... - Polly gets up placing her finger on my lips, interrupting me.

     - We're going to have so much fun, June, it's our very first pajama party! – she smirks and walks back into the couch.

     - Pajama party? – I question, frowning my eyebrows at Emily. I mean this type of situation is so out of context, I should have been warned beforehand.

     - Yeah, she's sleeping with us tonight! It's going to be fun! – Emily says with her warm and gentle smile. Her eyes were sparkling and she looked happy.

     Emily never had a lot of girlfriends so I guess this was her first pajama party, not like I ever had one either though. She was more excited than me and Polly together. I wouldn't ruin this for her though. Pajama party it is then.