Before Me, Him

Chapter 49

     I look back to see Jacob standing right there. His black hair was soaked just like his black shirt and trousers. His clothes were glued to his body from how wet they were.

Go June, he's waiting.

      She says with her hypnotizing voice. My body turns, ignoring his presence but as I was about to take a step forward I hear him yell and freeze.

     - June! – I lean my head until I was able to see him walking towards me at a very fast pace.

You don't belong here. You need to leave. 

     She kept saying to me but my body wouldn't move. Out of a sudden, all the shivers came back to me and I lost all the strength I had. Tears start rolling down my face as I thought "What am I doing?".

     - Jacob... - I say with a soft sobbing voice as he reaches me. He was looking at me as our distance was just a couple of steps apart. – I'm sorry.

     - What are you doing June? – he questions me while approaching me slowly. Once I feel his hand on my head my body rushes to his embrace. Jacob places his hands around me, hugging me tightly. –It's alright, I'm here now. Everything will be fine.

     As he said these words all my emotions crumbled down as I started to scream as my body trembled in every single cell. He kept holding me as I cried my heart out. I don't know how long I cried for, maybe it was ten minutes, maybe it was thirty, maybe an hour. What I do know is that as I cried the rain started to slow down gradually, as if it had been relieved of some of its misery. He smelled like lavender. It was a calm and pleasant scent.

     - Let's go home June. – he said with a kind smile once the tears stopped rolling down my face.

     After picking up his umbrella and all my belongings from the bench close to the beach he took me to his house. That massive white building filled with glamour and lust. As we entered I noticed that all the lights were turned off. "Isn't anybody home?" I wanted to ask him since I was aware that his parents were usually here during the night. He told me to sit on a chair in the kitchen as he wrapped a dry towel around me. Jacob leaves my sight and after a couple of minutes, he comes back.

     - There's a bath prepared for you upstairs, feel free to use it. – he said kindly with a smile.

     I walk upstairs and find his bathroom. It was filled with light blue and white tiles making it look a lot more spacious than what it already was. The air was humid and hot, something my cold body wasn't used to anymore. I look inside the bathtub to see it was filled with hot water and, on the counter next to the sink he had placed a pink girl pajama made of silk. "I thought he didn't have any sisters?" I question as I looked into the small tag on the back of the shirt "Maybe it's his mom's clothing." I managed to conclude.

     The water was really warm as I got in sending a couple of shivers down my spine. It felt good and pleasant. It was warming my body and, at the same time, my heart that, some hours ago was found in the depths of the cold and scary ocean. I stayed there for a long time, around one hour I think, just wondering about everything that had happened today. Flashbacks of the advice I gave to Phillip came to my mind: "Nothing is stronger than you". Back then, I truly believed those words, and even now I still do but, sometimes, we just need the help of someone to remind us of that small fact. I had almost let my demons consume me, again.

     When I was a kid, I tried, several times, to meet with William in all the ways I could remember. Of course, I failed miserably and she would mock me every time. It was frustrating, if not infuriating. She was my demon, the one I had created with all my anger and despair. I never managed to get rid of her, instead, I just accepted her existence without question without trying to solve the problem. I ran away. I'm always running away from everything that doesn't sound right or that sounds too troublesome.

    I get out of the bath and dry my hair with the towel. As I looked myself in the smudged mirror I couldn't see her anymore. At this time she would come out and make fun of me, make me feel worse than what I already feel. Something changed. Maybe it was this house, this extremely light and warm house that was keeping her away. I dress in the clothes Jacob had provided me and finish drying my hair with a hairdryer.

    - Have you eaten yet? – he asks once I reach the kitchen. His hair was still wet but he was now wearing some dry casual shorts and a dark grey t-shirt with a funky design in the middle. He didn't look cold, so maybe he also took a shower. I nod with my head. The last meal I had was lunch before I went to classes. – Alright, do you have something you wish to eat?

     - Anything is fine. – I say while looking to the side. I'm embarrassed. Why?

     - You can sit down, I'll be finished in a bit. - Jacob gives me a smile as he starts removing some things from his fridge.

     I really didn't want to give him that much trouble even though he didn't look annoyed about having to cook something for me. I considered saying that I would help but I'm scared he might take it the wrong way so I just stayed shut.

     - I already called everyone, June. – he says while placing a handmade burger on the grill. –You gave us quite a scare.

     - Everyone? – I'm confused. What does he mean by that?

    - Your mom called Therese a couple of hours ago. Then she told Emily that ended up telling everyone. We were all looking for you since your mother assumed you had come here. – he glances at me with his light brown eyes. –What happened?

     I look at him as he sends me this question. I start feeling my hands trembling slightly alongside my eyes that were starting to tear up again. My nerves and anxiety were still very recent, even if I wanted to tell him I couldn't. My body is not allowing me to speak.

    - It's alright June. – he approaches me and pets my head softly in an attempt to calm me down. – Therese said you could go there after dinner if you'd like. You can even stay there for a couple of days.

     Jacob starts turning his body back to the grill in order to check on the burger and the rice he was making however he stops and looks at me as he feels my hand grabbing on his t-shirt. I nod my head negatively. I didn't want to go to Therese today. I didn't want to see Emily today. I can't talk to them today otherwise they will tell my mom and she will be a lot more worried than what she might already be.

     - You can stay here if you prefer June, I don't mind. – he says as he smiles at me. – But I really need to check the burger so... Can you?

     He points down to my hand grabbing his shirt and I quickly remove it. Why was I acting like this? I am looking like a complete kid. What's wrong with me?