Before Me, Him

Chapter 71

     - That sounded great June! – Josh states as he lets go of the guitar and claps.- Try to go on a lower record on this verse of the song.

     Christmas vacation has started so even if it is Monday today I don't have to bother myself with university affairs. I'm currently with Josh while he teaches me some singing tips and, of course, the guitar. Well, looking back, it's truly silly the way he found out: one of the days where he was teaching me some accords I started to sing since it was an extremely known song. It was unconscious and I only noticed it after quite a bit. Josh was slightly shocked and since he has a lot of music experience he said he would help me improve.

     This is what I intend to do during the holidays: improving my singing and my guitar. I know I need to talk to Philip so I will try to find an opportunity to explain my feelings properly to him. I don't want him to have his heart crushed with further fake hopes. Regarding Jacob... I'd rather not see him for now. I have too many doubts in my head about him since he never tells me anything truly important and everything he said the other day is nothing but trivial things.

     I've always built a wall around me, not letting anyone inside however I feel like Jacob's wall is even stronger than mine. He doesn't talk about himself the majority of the time, he is very reserved, however, I cannot be with him if he isn't totally honest with me. That won't work. "Do I even want to be with him though?" I question myself as I understand what was on my mind.

     - See you tomorrow! – I wave to Josh as I leave the music store.

     The sun was already setting on the horizon as I walked back to the house. "I'm so tired" I thought to myself as my feet moved on their own. Thinking about this type of feeling makes me feel exhausted, to be honest. I guess the reason behind it is my overthinking, if I was more decisive straight away this type of situation would not happen however it is not something I can exactly avoid or prevent since I've always been this way. Thinking about several different feelings, scenarios, and how to protect me better. I guess I'm very selfish.

     - June! – Emily screams as I enter the house. She greets me with a warm hug. – Welcome back!

     - What's going on? – I question her as I see too many people in the leaving room. The whole group was there even Polly as she hugged Luke tightly. – What are those two doing here?

     - Polly came back to spend the holidays with us. – Dean gets up from the couch and heads towards the kitchen to grab a glass of water. – And apparently, those two are a thing now.

     I look at Dean dumbfounded. Luke and Polly are a thing? Since when? I mean, it's nothing to me, I couldn't care less about who Luke is dating or hooking up with but I'm pretty sure that Polly will suffer in this.

     - Luke, come with me upstairs for a bit. I need to talk to you. – I say as I look at him coldly. I see him remove Polly from his lap and we both head upstairs. – What do you think you are doing?

     - June, this is... I mean... Polly is nice and since you said you didn't want anything with me I gave it a shot but if you... – before he finished saying his sentence I push him to the wall while anger boiled within me.

     - Let me stop you there. The only reason I asked you to come here is because I don't think you can do it. You will cheat on her. – my grip on his shoulder tightens as I feel my face frowning in anger. – She lives in Russia. You understand what that means right?

     - I will be faithful to her! I just... – his eyes look to the side as he tried to hide his awkward embarrassment.

     - This will only leave my mouth once. – I place my hand on his face and force him to look at me. – Solve your heart's resolve or break up with her right now.

     - But...

     I start walking downstairs leaving Luke by himself and his thoughts. It's not that I have a particular affection for Polly, we're not that close and our relationship is based on thin ice however if she really likes him it's better to have her heart broken now than when she gives him her whole heart.

     - So June, how have you been? – Polly questions me as I sit on a chair close to the couch. – Anything new happened?

     - If my life was that exciting Polly I would be a protagonist in a novel don't you think? – I smile at her coldly as I lean back on my chair and cross my legs.

     - A warm welcome as always. – she leans her body in while her elbows carve into her legs. – You should be more honest once in a while you know maybe that way you would have a boyfriend by now.

     - Oh yes, how did you know Polly? That's truly my life ambition. – I reply sarcastically and when her lips portrait a smile I understood I had fallen into her trap.

     - What are your ambitions then? – she focuses her bright, light, and cold blue eyes on mine as I understood that I had to be cautious with my words.

     - Aren't you getting a little too full of yourself? – I push my long brown hair backward as I managed to make a comeback. – You must be extremely self-centered to think that you are important enough in my life to receive that type of information.

     - Girls, let's stop this alright? – says Dean as the atmosphere's mood grew heavier. – Well we were all thinking of going on a five-day vacation to the mountains, would you care to join us, June?

     - I'll think about it. – I reply warmly however I knew my decision already and by the way Jacob was looking at me, I'm pretty sure he knew it too.

     They continue to chat happily as Emily started to explain to Polly and Luke, who had come down in the middle of our conversation, everything that had happened in the time they weren't here. I mean, it doesn't matter how happy that makes Emily, I really won't go. It's not my type of event, besides I want to use my time for better things, like helping Robert and improving my musical side. I get up from my chair and head to my room in order to get some "me" time. "Thank god I left the guitar with Josh" I thought to myself as I reach the comfort of my bed. It would've been so troublesome to explain to them why I have a guitar with me since it's not a hobby that I want them to know about.

     - Are you not going, to be honest with them? – Jacob says as he leans against my door frame with a serious expression on his face.