Before Me, Him

Chapter 67

     - Do you want to see it? – he questions me as he rubs his lips softly against mine. His kind expression disappeared and his eyes portraited pure evil. I pushed him straight away, not because I wanted to but because my body understood how dangerous of a game I was playing. – Don't ask questions that you're not ready to get the answer to June.

     - I wonder which one of us is not ready. - I get up and start walking towards the beach. Jacob was following right behind me however he was not saying a word. Even if we talked during our trip back to my house there wouldn't have been any progress.

     We reach my house and I open the front gate. Jacob was staring at me as I did the same, waiting for a reply, of course, none was given. I quickly enter the house and run towards the window just to see a very troubled man pushing his hair backward with his hand and, right afterward that same hand punched my wall. "Serves you right" I whispered as a smirk was created on my lips. Once his shape disappears on the horizon I go to my room and it's not too long until I walk into the realm of dreams.

     The weekend passed by and I didn't study for anything, my head was too conflicted with my heart and I was at a loss of what to do. I don't really know how things became like this but it is very troublesome. I ended up staying the whole weekend at home learning the guitar and working at night.

     Monday morning came by and soon enough it was time for my classes. As the teacher talked I couldn't bring myself to focus on the subject that was being taught. "This won't do" I sighed to myself. My mind was a complete mess and my perfectly clean and tight drawers were now a giant ball of confusing ideas and thoughts. Yesterday I came to the realization that I might bear romantic feelings for Jacob however I'm still very skeptical of that matter because in the end isn't this the same feeling I had with Luke? I'm pretty sure it is and that's why it didn't work out in the first place. I need to clean this drawer as soon as possible and for that to happen I need to turn the hourglass and return the time to its rightful place: the past.

     - Go to the secretary and get me the exam schedules for each year. – says the president as I arrive at the council room. Besides giving me orders we hadn't talked about anything else, it is very confusing. This guy should've made a move on Emily by now, right?

     I leave the almost empty room and walk towards the secretary after placing my bag next to the council's couch. "I guess they are all busy with exams" I thought as I looked outside the window to see Jacob laying down in the grass, next to a tree. The sun was shining brightly on his skin as the tree's last leaves held on to dear life on the branch. They were the last remaining leaves, the ones that wouldn't let go of their being, the ones that didn't want to give up to the cold winter breeze.

     His eyes open and get lost in the beautiful but freezing blue sky portraited in the canvas of his imagination. Jacob looked sad, almost as if something wasn't right. My heart started to ache terribly as my chest grew heavy and it got harder to breathe. "I need to leave" I think to myself as I start walking up the stairs quickly and steadily. 

     Once I reach the last floor I open the door to see the roof of the building. It was high, so high. I could see everything, the people walking on the streets, laughing happily, without a care in the world. On the other hand here I am, with my heart in sorrow as I lean on the edge of a high place, watching a scenario with regret and jealousy. "Can't I go back to when everything was easy and simple?" I think to myself as small tears start traveling around my face.

     - What are you doing?! – I feel a hand grabbing my wrist as it quickly pushes me backward and I bump into the warmness of a person. I look above me to see Philip holding me with a concerned expression on his face. – Are you trying to die!? It's dangerous!

     - I was just watching the people down there. – I point to the horizon as his arms let me go. His right-hand pushes his hair backward after he gives me a disapproval nod.

     - Your expression didn't say the same June. I really thought you were going to jump!

     "My expression?" I question myself as I start wondering what type of face I was wearing to cause such misunderstanding. Don't tell me it was...

     - What are you doing here though? – I ask Philip as I clean the tears that were remaining on my face. We both sit down leaning onto the concrete wall that contained the stairs down inside. It was cold and uncomfortable, just like my soul at that moment.

     - Running away. – he states as a smile appears on his lips when he picks up a book that was laying down on his side. Well I understand him, he is always surrounded by girls, it must be exhausting not be able to be alone from time to time. – Why are you here?

     - Needed to get some fresh air. – I answered as I leaned my head against the concrete and focused on the beautiful ocean sky.

     - Normal people would've gone to the garden downstairs. – he comments as he opens his book to start reading. Philip stays quiet for a couple of minutes while my ears listen to the steady winter breeze. Then, out of the blue, he continues. – Unless you are also running away from something?

     - Aren't we all Philip? – I ask him a rhetorical question to which he ends up replying. "Didn't he get the hint?" I wondered.

     - I am, sadly. – he says as I look at him. His eyes looked sad as they glanced into mine, almost as if he was carrying a heavy burden. – Running from something more than I bargained for.

     - Your demons? – his lips started portraying a hurtful smile as I asked him this question. I shouldn't have asked this. Maybe it was too much. He ends up nodding his head to confirm my suspicions. – Do you want to talk about it?

     - It's something I can't talk about. – he firmly states as he re-opens his book. "Shit." I think to myself as I already know what's going to happen next. "This is not what you should be doing. Go back to the past, don't make it worse" I keep repeating to myself until I give up.

     - You might die tomorrow you know? – I get up and stretch my body. Right afterward I bow my body down in front of him and, as my lips portrait a big smile, I stretch my hand. – So why are you worrying about such things? Isn't it better to live without regrets?

     - June... – his eyes start sparkling brightly as he grabs my hand and gets up as well, placing the book onto the floor. – You're right.

     - See? – I chuckle softly as Philip kept staring at me. – There's no need to overthink things that are bad. The past can't be changed but you can still fight for tomorrow.

      - If what you say is true then I will fight. – he quickly pushes my body onto his as his right-hand finds its place on my cheek and our lips connect out of the blue. It was a quick and fast kiss but my heart was almost bursting out of my chest. I was so shocked that I didn't even close my eyes, I didn't know what to do or how to react. His lips were soft and I could feel how gentle that kiss was, however, something wasn't right. – I love you June. I always have and always will.