Before Me, Him

Chapter 72

     - I only said I would think about it, it's not a lie. – I state as I focus my gaze on him and sit properly in the bed.

     - It is when you have already made up your mind. – Jacob walks inside after closing the door behind him and sits on my desk's chair.

     - You are not someone who can judge me on this so stay out of it.

     - Of course, I can, judging is something that everyone does but it doesn't need to be necessarily bad. It can also be constructive criticism. – he leans his body into the chair as he smiles softly.

     - No Jacob. You can't judge me on this because you... – I let out a sigh and get up as he looks at me seriously. I open the door and lean onto the closet wall while my hand held the door handle. – Just leave, I need to rest.

     - What's clouding your mind? – he asks as he gets up and comes closer to me. Jacob's hand finds its way onto mine and, soon enough, he removes my hand from the door handle and closes the door. His other hand was against the wall as he leaned his body onto mine, our faces only a couple centimeters apart. My heart was almost bursting out of my chest and my body was burning, just like when I caught a cold and got a high fever. – You can tell me.

     - Fine, I will tell you... with one condition. – somehow I manage to pull myself together and to remove my mind from this lustful desire that had consumed it. – Before our university, what were the schools you attended?

     - My previous schools? Why do you want to know? It's such a trivial matter. – he backs off slightly and even though he was trying to show me signs of confusion I could understand clearly that he was forcing himself to not make his true expression and thoughts appear. – They were pretty normal schools, I don't even remember them anymore.

     - Then I have nothing else to say to you. Please leave. – I reopen the door as I look at him coldly and expressionless. He clinches his fists in frustration and starts heading out. – Oh, and Jacob about the other day... I thought about it and honestly, I don't have any feelings for you anymore. It was just an outburst of my confused thoughts, don't take it personally.

     - June, wai... – as he turned back I closed the door on his face and locked it up. He tried to open it up while calling out to me in confusion and maybe despair. To ignore his presence I decided to go to my balcony as the sky started to show signs of dark blue into black.

     I'm done, I don't want to be his puppet anymore. From now on, we're strangers again, that's what we should've always been. It's for the sake of my sanity. After some time I go back inside but I felt so exhausted that I needed a shower to lighten up my mood. I pick up my towel alongside a change of clothes and I head to the bathroom, however, as I was walking down the hall I hear two different male voices coming from inside John's home office.

     Of course, I intended to leave it alone, until I heard a loud sound coming from that room. I walked and stayed right behind the wall next to the door that, weirdly enough, was open.

     - Did I hit a weak spot, Jacob? It's not like I'm saying a lie.

     - Shut up Philip, this is not about you.

     - June is involved so yes I am directly related to this matter. – Philip lets out a sigh. – It's like I say, Jacob, I know you like her but you are not ready for this, to tell her the truth but I am, I've told her everything. You should just let her go, you will definitely find someone else.

     - What if I don't want to? – Jacob's voice tone changes, he was extremely mad.

     - Be rational. She already lost her brother and her family is what it is. She has all her problems, do you really want to create another one?

     For a couple of minutes, the room grows silent and I had no idea of what was going on. As Jacob wouldn't answer, Philip decides to continue.

     - You've realized it already. I can help her while you will just hurt her. Give her up and find someone else like you used to, it's not hard for you.

     - You talk a lot for someone who didn't even manage to get her heart in the first place.

     - What did you say?

     Out of a sudden, I hear a chair falling down and as I was boiling with rage I appear at the door to see the aggressive scenario. Philip had gotten up and grabbed Jacob by his shirt as their faces were extremely close and filled with rage. He was truly threatening him and if I hadn't stepped in, they would have most likely, fought each other.

     - What the fuck do you guys think I am? – as Philip hears my voice he lets go of Jacob and they both stare at me with a surprised expression. – I'm not your fucking pet.

     - I didn't mean it like that... – Philip attempts to justify himself and starts approaching me. – June... I...

     - Don't you dare. – I slap his hand off and glare at him coldly as he attempted to touch me. – Both of you are filthy, thinking about me as the prize of a competition.

     Jacob was just sitting on his chair while looking at me with a serious but painful expression. My heartache slightly as I looked at him like however, I was so mad at both of them that I easily moved on from it.

     - Philip I appreciate your feelings but I don't feel the same way. Also, next time you decide to kiss someone who is not in a relationship with you or doesn't show you the same type of affection, don't. – I rotate my body and I start walking out the door. – And both of you, stay out of my sight from now on.

     I leave and get inside the bathroom. My chest felt heavy and I started to gasp slightly as the emotions run through me. Tears started dripping out of my face and I covered my mouth as small screams would leave without my permission. It hurt, so much. I guess this is what I earn by letting people enter my heart without its consent.

     As I enter the warm water in the bathtub I feel a shiver running down my spine. I was so cold, almost as if I was freezing, it was unbearable. "What would William do? What would he have done?" I think to myself as I see the steam leave the water and fog up the windows.

     A lot of things have happened ever since I came here in the summer. My feelings have evolved and I think I've learned quite a lot about myself however I still don't know how to handle my heart and the rationality of my brain. I don't understand why my heart aches so much but still desires him more while my brain just keeps on stating for me to go away because he is bad news. It's so confusing, painful, and weirdly enough, exciting, all at the same time.