Before Me, Him

Chapter 73

     - So have you decided? – Emily asks me as we finish our lunch. It's only been a day since this weird idea popped into their minds, however, I had already decided on not going.

     - Yeah, I'm pretty sure I won't go. – her eyes start wavering with sadness and I could feel her trying to tempt me to say yes. Honestly, it's not as if it is such a bad thing to go, it's just five days after all but still, I feel like my time would have a better use. Besides, I want to keep my distance between Philip and Jacob for a while. Emily ended up letting it go as she understood that I wouldn't budge.

     Being some time apart from the group felt like something that would be extremely beneficial for me to power up my defenses once again. It was something necessary to prevent any extra uneasiness and anxiety from blossoming.

     I head on to Josh's store as usual and has I arrive I'm greeted by a surprise. A small boy with beautiful golden locks was being petted by the though and tattoed man.

     - Who do we have here? – I smile and bend down towards the little kid. – I'm June!

     - I'm Charlie! – he replies to me with a bright smile. His happiness reminded me of Emily, a ray of sunshine that would turn the world bright in a blink of an eye.

     - He's my nephew. My sister's in town for the holiday. – Josh justifies with a chuckle. – I will close the shop for two weeks next Monday to celebrate Christmas and New Year's but you can still drop by in the meantime.

     I nod and as Charlie played with a tambourine, Josh started to teach me how to play a new song and the afternoon passed in a blink. As I walked back home I kept on thinking about how sad it was that I wouldn't be able to be with him for some weeks. "I really wanted him to teach me more" I sigh. It can't be helped though, it's the holidays and everyone will be with their families. It's only natural.

     The path back home was now filled with Christmas lights outside some of the trees and light poles. The apartments and houses were also starting to be decorated with fake snowmen and other Christmas decor. Even though I've been walking this path quite frequently I had so many things on my mind that I didn't even realize that the landscape had changed so much.

     Truthfully, the last time I had fun at Christmas was when William was alive. We would always go shopping for presents together for our family and then, on the 25th we would warm ourselves up in a blanket close to our fireplace while eating some Christmas sweets. "It was so warm" I whisper as I grab a light pole free of Christmas lights and start rotating around it clockwise. "It's so cold now" I think to myself as I see steam being created in the air by my warm breath against the freezing winter atmosphere. "What should I do this Christmas? It's not even amusing anymore" I wonder as I think about my family. Would they like a present? I guess it would be rude if I didn't buy one for them.

     A goes by and I decide to go shopping. Emily went on a date with Dean so I wouldn't even bother to ask for her company, besides, I don't think it would be wise to bring her with me. I walk down the street and soon enough I take the bus towards the mall. As the see-through doors open I am greeted with a gigantic Christmas tree filled with beautiful decor and sparkly lights. Everywhere I looked there was a holiday item even in the stores themselves. It was astonishingly bright.

     Some hours pass and I place the bags on a bench after I sit down. "My legs are killing me." I think to myself as I lean a bit backward in order to stretch my body slightly. It's so hot in here that besides the bags, I also have to carry my black jacket and my dark grey sweater. Currently, I was only with a tight, long-sleeved, black shirt that contrasted with my grey jeans and black combat boots. I pick up a bun and tie my long hair as high as I possibly can. "This is hell" I truly couldn't deal with how hot this was.

     After I cooled down a bit I look at the several different bags that I had bought and start organizing them, placing the small-sized ones inside of the big ones in order to reduce the volume while I carried them. I've already acquired a couple of things: a long-sleeved pink dress with some lace and glitter for Emily, an adorable steel bracelet with a small dolphin as a symbol for Therese, a stripped pattern scarf for John, two different cooking books for my mom, a pin for Josh's music bag with the symbol of a treble clef and last but not least, three different exotic infusion teas for Robert. "Why am I overthinking it? Everyone necessary is there! Right...?" I was trying to convince myself not to buy anything for Dean, Polly, Jacob, and Phillip but, in the end, it failed. I don't know if I will give it to them because honestly, maybe it's better to just ignore their presence for the rest of the vacation, and then I will have the mentality that I need. Resolved, I get on the bus to ride back home as the night sky started to show off his dark colors.

     I arrive at the house and, as I open the front door I could breathe in the intense smell of lasagna. Therese and Emily were in the kitchen, finishing cooking our dinner and placing the plates on the table.

     - Welcome back June! – says Therese with her warm voice tone as she removed some dishes from the china cabinet. – Oh my... Did you go shopping?

     - Yeah I needed some clothes since the ones I have are starting to be stained from helping on the farm.

     - I see dear. Well go clean yourself up and put those in your closet. The dinner is almost ready! – she smiles at me kindly as she bought up my excuse. I couldn't let them know that I hadn't buy anything for myself and that all these bags were Christmas gifts for them.

     After hiding the presents at the bottom of my closet I head to the bathroom in order to have a quick shower. Today was such a cold day that I felt like crawling inside my bed and never leave that warmth. When I was younger I was always getting sick on these types of nights so William would always sleep with me. I miss those days and no matter how much time passes I will always miss him the most.

     - Do you want some salad? – John asks me as I arrive at the table. The lasagna was already on my plate and he was holding the bowl filled with tomatoes, lettuce, and onions.

     - Sure. – I answer as I sit at the table next to Emily. – Thank you!

     - June, we are going on a vacation. – Therese speaks in a soft voice, almost as if she was trying to calm me down. – We will all be going to the mountains next Monday! We will stay there for Christmas and New Year's!

     - Emily... – I look to her in extreme rage. Did she convince her mother to join in to make me go with them?

     - Don't look at me like that. It was her idea! – Emily says as she places a piece of lasagna into her mouth.

     - I'd rather not go Therese, I can just stay here. I have a lot of...

     - Oh my dear... I said "we". – Therese interrupts me and even though she was smiling I could feel how oppressive she was. I didn't dare to say another word regarding this matter during dinner. She could be extremely scary when she was mad even though the majority of the time she was always kind and welcoming.